I am soooooo sorry for your loss. I'm reliving losing my Fuzzy Heart Kitty through your words. I know the feeling of "was it my fault, did I miss something, should I have done something else?" We all question ourselves when we grieve. But with prayers, God let me know it was just His Time, and each day has become a little bit better. I don't think it's been a year yet, because I don't want to figure that out. I buried my boy outside my window, and placed a small statue above him of a little rabbit (Fuzzy's nickname was Rabbit, after the Velveteen Rabbit). Having him near me, helps more than I could have imagined. I still talk to him every day - that helps. I put his pictures away for a while, but now I can look at them once more and think about all the good times.
The pain and sadness doesn't go away, it just gets a little "lighter" each day. Each of us has that "Heart" furbaby, that we hold on to forever, throughout life and death. He will always be with you. They trust us and know that we will do everything for them, without question and with the utmost loyalty. Don't worry that you might have missed something. We all know that you are an incredible AngelMom to your babies, and your babies know that too.
He is there, right now, "hovering" over you with his new little angel wings.
When you close your eyes you'll feel him. When you walk into another room you'll sometimes swear you see him, or feel him against you. They never really leave us, only their little bodies do. Their spirit is with us through eternity...and one day you will be holding him again.