Kathy, I so know where you are right now (we all do), but when we lost Watson and then Bailey, my husband made the same proclamation and reminds me that when Penny is gone, there will be no more. They see what we went through in the loss and, much as they don't want to show it, they felt the loss too. (He sobbed with me at their losses.)
They think they are protecting us from ourselves and they really don't see how that comes across. Like a lot of "typical men", they are just "taking care of business". Now, that being said, when Penny showed up a few months before Bailey died, my husband was the one secretly feeding her and bonding with her as she followed him all over the property on a daily basis, sleeping in a shed in the pasture. She crept into our hearts knowing she had a job to do. This dog, who "we needed to find a home for", who "will be an outside dog" who "is not allowed in the bedroom" is his Velcro dog outside all day, has a double fluffy bed in the living room and a second bed on the floor next to our bed at night. (Last year, she started sneaking in after he fell asleep and going back to her bed just before he woke up.) Now, she is right behind whoever goes to bed first.
I can only speak from my perspective of 50 years with the same man, but sometimes you just have to let them "do their thing" knowing that they will eventually come around, but, every now and then, when the time is right you might need to have a "come to Jesus talk". When it gets to that point with us, I write him a letter because I get so emotional, I can't make my point. In 50 years, I've written him 3 letters...the last one was about Penny.
I truly believe that another little soul we need and who needs us makes their way into our lives at the right time. For us, she showed up before we knew we needed her. I am crying for my Bailey as I write this and, last week, I cried at my sweet memories of Watson gone nearly 15 years. You need to grieve for Raider and we are here for you - it will get better, I promise you. In your grief, you need to remind yourself that you gave him unconditional love and care and a life worth living. That same love let him go when it was time, the last and most unselfish thing you can do for a friend.