Hi Everyone,
I know where all here because we've faced a loss of a beloved pet. I loved Shami so much. She was such a wonderful loving dog. I can see her cropped tail wagging as I write this. All she wanted was love, I loved her even though she wasn't totally mine, I am really feeling the heartache.
Yesterday, the sadness of Barbaro having to be put to sleep didn't help much either. Barbaro's owner said it profoundly
"Grief is the price we all pay for love"
I just wish I could have been there so she wouldn't have to go alone with strangers. My sister was so heartless in doing that. If I only made arrangements with my neighbor to leave Nicholas(my son) at the house at around 7:30, and if I hadn't forgotten my meds (I have fibromyalgia) I might have made it. I was halfway to the exit to get on the highway, when I realized I hadn't taken my fibro meds, and didn't want to risk a flare, I had to race back to get them. I take a variety of meds to keep the disease in control. If only the traffic wasn't so bad, I would have made it. I guess God didn't want me there. That's the only thing I can think of. There was also the fact that the animal rescue league didn't give my sister a specific time, They said between 8 and 8 so I figured I would have time.
She and I are somewhat talking, she wanted me to meet her at the mall tomorrow, but I just don't feel like it. My marriage is falling apart,every room in my house is a mess, my health is a nightmare, I have fibromyalgia, I can't get rid of the conjunctivitis this is round two of antibiotics, I'm in my last round of classes to get my Bachelor's Degree in Accounting and I have an Internal Auditing professor who is making my life so miserable that I want to quit the class, we are in debt up to our knees because of my condition, and to top it all off, we can't afford to go to Phoenix for my graduation. Something I was looking forward to. I'll send back the cap and gown.
Then my grief for Shami, I just don't want to see my sister, we have talked but she still ticks me off. I don't know how she can be so cavalier about how she handled the situation, she was laughing trying to get me to meet at the mall tomorrow, and I am in no mood to laugh. My husband is off of work tomorrow, so I guess we'll try to have lunch together. I feel like everything is just so out of control.
So I'm sitting here crying when I should be reading. I got so PO at the professor that I took a hissy fit when he told me that you can do flow charts in MS WORD. No you can't, sorry, you have to use MS VISIO. Word is for documents, not for flowcharts. He told me that a lot of people do flow charts in word, and I said yeah, email them to me. So he got flip with me and it's turning into this big argument. One of the assignments was to be done in a flowchart mode, I struggled using MS Word, finally I emailed my assignment stating the steps are in order written in the way that they would show on a flowchart, sorry, but MS Word doesn't cut it. So I can just wait to get my grade for the week next Sunday. I've got 3 more weeks of this class. Thank God.
I'm rambling on, I just have no one to turn to, I miss the dog, I don't even have a picture of her. My sister has them. I don't even know if she plans on picking up Shami's ashes. So here I am just sitting on the bed, writing my feelings. I'll miss her forever. I want to get a dog, but my husband says "no" we have a killer cat, she'd probably kill the dog. My son has a cough and a cold. So, I'll end here. Sorry so long, I needed to vent somewhere. I miss my Shami girl. At least House is on, and I LOVE him. He's such a jerk, I wish I could have his bad attitude.
Thanks for listening
Toni
