not sure what to do now

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tessa
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not sure what to do now

Post by tessa » Wed Sep 30, 2009 8:06 am

when i drop food...
i have to pick it up myself.

when i trim the fat off my meat...
i labour over what to do.
(the chickens get it now)

the gravy on the bottom of the roasting pan?
my god.
WE had to eat it.
(tastes great...but it's straight to the hips)

the cable guy came over today.
i didn't have to hold xena back from the door...
then put her out (after first letting her say her excited 'hello')

i had a nap today...and no one was sleeping at my feet.
we napped together every day for the last 12 years. 15 minutes of gentle, quiet bonding.
today...
i woke after two and half hours...and only then because the phone was ringing.
my night is now shot.

there is half a bone left in the treat box.
the treat box is on the floor next to her bed.
she never once helped herself to a bone (tho it would have been sooooooo easy to do, it's cardboard, and the lid is always open)
there will now be a box with half a bone in it for a long, long time.

there are dog bombs in the backyard.
i could smell them while i was chopping wood yesterday.
dog bombs never smelled so good, or so powerful.
i can't bring myself to clear them.

i'm totally lost.

Friend2Dogs
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Re: not sure what to do now

Post by Friend2Dogs » Wed Sep 30, 2009 10:22 am

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" Lord, help me be the kind of person that my dogs think I am. "

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Bendy Kitty
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Re: not sure what to do now

Post by Bendy Kitty » Wed Sep 30, 2009 10:28 am

even with a houseful of cats, when Legume passed away the place felt empty.
we still have his meds in our medicine cabinet, can't bear to throw them away - he has been gone from us for 7 years.

it helps mom to make a memorial of some kind, web page, photoalbum, she also does drawings & paintings sometimes. she cries the whole time but it helps let the pain out.

we have found a new furkid to fill up the empty time is veyr helpful. To us, Legume's legacy is having mom learn to do so many things that now she can care much more easily for other needy critters. None will every replace him, or be the same, although some remind us of him from time to time. I'm sure there are a lot of pups out there who would benefit from your caring and kindness and love.

megapurrrrrrrrrs to you

Bendy
In loving memory of Bendy Cute Kitty 9/15/00-4/23/12

Meet the cats at Bendy's Home http://www.alittletlc.com"

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CarolC
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Re: not sure what to do now

Post by CarolC » Wed Sep 30, 2009 11:36 am

Chopping wood is good.

Bobbie
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Re: not sure what to do now

Post by Bobbie » Wed Sep 30, 2009 12:09 pm

I haven't been in that place since I was 11 and lost my first dog. My parents didn't get me another one so I suffered for years. (We did have family dogs.)

As an adult, when my first Lab got a diagnosis of cancer at age 2, I got a new puppy. Turns out my Lab lived to 13, and new puppy to 16, and I've never been dogless since.

That's always my advice... nothing can fill an empty space left by a pet than another pet. Whether you look for a dog that needs you, or find that perfect puppy, getting another dog- a successor, not a replacement- is my prescription.
Bobbie Mayer
"Corgis on Wheels: Understanding and Caring for the Special Needs of Corgis with Degenerative Myelopathy or DIsk Disease available now!
http://www.corgiaid.org/cart/corgisonwheels

Friend2Dogs
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Re: not sure what to do now

Post by Friend2Dogs » Wed Sep 30, 2009 2:30 pm

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" Lord, help me be the kind of person that my dogs think I am. "

Friend2Dogs
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Re: not sure what to do now

Post by Friend2Dogs » Wed Sep 30, 2009 2:32 pm

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" Lord, help me be the kind of person that my dogs think I am. "

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connie
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Re: not sure what to do now

Post by connie » Wed Sep 30, 2009 5:30 pm

oh tessa my heart cries with you. i had a toy poodle for 15 yrs. when he passed, it took 10 years for me to adopt. even then it wasn't me, cricket demanded i take him. your baby was loved, he knew it as we all know it. i hope you don't wait as long as i did. i realised after i got cricket that i was still needed.
but you are in my prayers, i hope the pain gets better. that is the price we pay for loving them so much. i tried so hard to shut my heart after losing my poodle, but i found it still had some love to give.
take care, know your in our thoughts.
cricket sends you a special doggie kiss,
hugs connie

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GabrielDeafBlindPupFamily
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Re: not sure what to do now

Post by GabrielDeafBlindPupFamily » Wed Sep 30, 2009 5:51 pm

Tessa, I had the love of my life, the daughter I never had, a baby I could not have loved more if I had given birth to her, murdered. Shot and left in my yard. My son found her raced her to the hospital while I raced the hour drive home. Shot in the spine. I sang to her and fell apart at "Please don't take my sunshine away". She died the next day stuck in traffic on the way to a hospital who WOULD operate on her. I lost my mind. My mother lost hers. My son lost his. I will NEVER RECOVER from this, and it is something I don't talk about much. I spent a long time in an unholy rage. A screaming RAGE. She was shot on February 3. She died on February 4. On February 14, I went back to the shelter where I had found my precious little girl who I told my co-workers, I wanted to quit my job and be a stay at home. I was teaching her to say mama when she died. 2 days before she was shot, I would watch her sleep and that night, I said aloud, she'll have to be pts when I die, she'll never be able to survive without her mama. NEVER BELIEVING FOR A MOMENT I WOULD OUTLIVE HER!
So I went back to the shelter, a high kill shelter. There was this little disease ridden puppy who bore no resemblace to my beautiful pup, except for the color of the fur. I took her home, and I sat on my stoop holding this little pup who gave me sarcoptic mange sobbing that I had made the biggest mistake of my life. Sobbing to AllixMurderedPup that I was so sorry. I held this wild little itching pup, ugliest pup in the world, ears stuck straight out from her head, nothing really to fall head over heels for. That little pup turned out to be my 4-legged sister. She is my very heartbeat and she has enriched my life so much, there are no words to describe. She is my NanaDog, she reads my mind, she teaches and she socializes ALL the questionable pups who happen into my life. And she makes each of them into my family. This little misfit, rescued at the brink of death because of the death of another, my HEART DOG, no my daughter, has turned into the BEST FRIEND I COULD EVER WISH FOR! Sometimes I look at her and tell her if Allix hadn't been murdered, I would never have known her. My life would be so empty without her and I don't know how I will survive without her. AmbrrNana will be 10 years on on January 1st . She was born on the millenium. Allix will be dead 10 years on February 4, 2010. I cannot believe it. I cannot believe how Ambrr has filled my life with meaning and joy.

Take your time, and find Xena's Legacy ... But a puppy can flat heal a broken heart.
And as I read this, Ambrr comes up and puts her head in my lap. I bend down and she kisses me. I sob with love for this MIRACLE in my life. She knows me inside and out. I am so thankful she found ME in time to save my life from the RAGE I had. She comlletely healed my soul.
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Karen, Andy's ^i^ mom
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tessa
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Re: not sure what to do now

Post by tessa » Wed Sep 30, 2009 9:10 pm

thank you all for your kind words.
and especially to you, karen, for sharing that story.
and thanks for all the pics of all the beautiful and special dogs in our lives.

i'm grateful for you all.

SAR01
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Re: not sure what to do now

Post by SAR01 » Wed Sep 30, 2009 10:05 pm

these posts hurt my soul on so many levels, but wanted you to know many are sharing your pain. and I know ....... I truly believe they wait for us to cross that bridge and then never leave us again.


(((hugs))

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Caroline
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Re: not sure what to do now

Post by Caroline » Sat Oct 03, 2009 12:55 pm

Buster's leash an collar are still in the truck, from his last vet visit.
Funny but we still can't bring ourselfs to bring them in the house, there under the seat and I cant even bring myself to look at them again.
I guess I stared at them to long the day he left us.... his frissbee has vanished into the shead cant bring myself to throw it away.
His ashes are still in a box now removed from the top of the TV into the bedroom next to the otheres that passed before him.
I miss him everyday, still spill tears now an then for him, but I am happy that he is at peace.
Sending you hugs.

A dog can express more with his tail in minutes than his owner can express with his tongue in hours.
--------Anonymous

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puremutt
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Re: not sure what to do now

Post by puremutt » Sat Oct 03, 2009 5:35 pm

awww karen you have been tru so much!
you give me hope today that there CAN be another one that I will love as much as I did my Mickey.
I hope one day when I am ready or when that dog finds me I share photos here.
also I keep sniffing his collar and toys, but I only smell his urine smell :shock:
mickey 1994- sept 26 ,2008


let all beings be happy

raiders mom
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Re: not sure what to do now

Post by raiders mom » Sat Oct 03, 2009 10:37 pm

I am so sorry for your loss..I miss my Little Pilea everyday. She's not been gone that long, only 3 months..having Raider here helps.It hurts, let your self grieve..you'll know when it's time for another. My Sympathy, Raider's Mom..Kathy

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tessa
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Re: not sure what to do now

Post by tessa » Sun Oct 04, 2009 10:01 am

i just can't stop crying.
i've never experienced this kind of grief in my life before.
of course, i am doubting myself. this distresses liz, who is quite adamant that xena was suffering.
of course she was suffering...
but i just can't seem to bring myself to the right place on that one.
i am, ultimately, quite selfish.

i went to the candles tonight...and fell into a heap when i saw bendy had lit another one.
thankyou bendy.
oh...how i bawled.
i had meant to keep them going myself...and when i got there tonight...your's was the only one burning.
that floored me.
thanks for your love.

thanks for everyone's love here.

i knew the day would come when i would need to draw on it.
you're all so awesome.
i really don't know what i would have done if i'd never found this place...
if amy had never posted about tyler...
because it is that thread that came up in the search engine.
it is that thread that brought me here.

thanks everyone, for being here too.

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