not sure what to do now

A forum where caretakers of elderly, disabled, and handicapped pets can chat with one another about topics that don't fit in other categories.
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tessa
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Re: not sure what to do now

Post by tessa » Sat Nov 28, 2009 11:57 am

thanks all...and especially you, christine. you were such a big part of our lives and healing...and i know that you share our grief (as i know many of you do).

i just want my girl back.
my girl, my whole girl, and nothing but my girl.
i will never be the same person again.
really...she made me who i was.

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troopersmommy
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Re: not sure what to do now

Post by troopersmommy » Sun Nov 29, 2009 5:13 am

Tessa, as I read this last post (and the words on your last candle for Xena :candle: ), I'm still so overwhelmed by your sadness. I can tell by the "tears flowing from your words" that you're pain and sorrow have not lessened much in the last 2 months... and I'm so sorry. I find myself at a loss for the right thing to say.

All I can think of is this...knowing remarkable love in life is truly a gift from God... but I've learned it is always accompanied by the deepest sorrow in death. You are so brave to give all you had to Xena. I don't know very many people that would have done the same. So when you feel like you just can't get through another day, or that life will never be the same again, revel in the fact that God loved you so much that He trusted you the most with the care of His little Xena. He knew you, and only you, would be able to give her all the love she needed and deserved, without any reservations.

I have no doubt, that in return for all the sorrow and pain you're feeling in her absence, one day He'll make up for it tenfold.
"When a child loves you for a long, long time...REALLY loves you, then you become Real." " Does it hurt?"
"Sometimes..When you are Real you don't mind being hurt."

Words I live by from "Velveteen Rabbit"

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tessa
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Re: not sure what to do now

Post by tessa » Sun Nov 29, 2009 6:12 am

thanks TM.
you've been a gift too.

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tessa
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Re: not sure what to do now

Post by tessa » Wed Dec 02, 2009 6:36 am

sadly...the vet clinic decided to send xena a reminder that it is time to start the second course of her arthritis injections.
too bad they didn't note the fact that the last injection they gave her helped to ease her into the next world.

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puremutt
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Re: not sure what to do now

Post by puremutt » Wed Dec 02, 2009 9:11 am

Awwwwwwwww that sucks!
I got a sympathy card a week orso later from my vets office with everybody's signature.
Don't let it get to you, think of the good times.
mickey 1994- sept 26 ,2008


let all beings be happy

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tessa
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Re: not sure what to do now

Post by tessa » Mon Dec 21, 2009 5:37 pm

in the days and weeks leading up to xena's death...i had told her countless times that i expected her to come back to me. i told her to find me again, like she did the first time, and we could continue together. maybe this time she would have 4 legs and we could resume our lives and interests in the great outdoors.

i put a mark on the calendar in anticipation of her return. i had researched dog gestation times....and counted the days from xena's last. then i put an X on the calendar date where, in my mind, it became possible that she might be re-born.
that date was nov. 27.
if she did go right away and throw herself through it all again...she'd be a little more than 3 weeks old right now.

so then....i began to stress. i wondered, how would she find me? what series of events would have to take place for xena to walk into my life again? i have been coaching myself to just let go and trust. she'll do it. she'll figure it out. she has always been such a good girl. she has always done everything i've asked of her. happily. even when it meant her life would end...she did that too, for me.
so i sit here waiting.
trusting.

yesterday at work...i took a break in the cafe.
i sat next to a young man who i've known for about a year. we usually just talk about work...but yesterday...his mouth opened and the floodgates released.
he talked for the 15 minutes solid.
he'd just adopted a rescue dog. he found her on the net, at a site called petrescue.com.au.
the hair went up on the back of my neck. i sat quietly, and listened. he showed me pictures of her. showed me videos on his phone. talked about the whole process, mentioning the website in just about every other sentence. i felt it was a message. i felt the information was for me, specifically.
then he looked at his watch, was surprised at the time. he had to get back to his station.
i asked him as he was leaving...
'btw. what did you name her?'
his answer?
xena.

petrescue.com.au here i come.

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puremutt
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Re: not sure what to do now

Post by puremutt » Mon Dec 21, 2009 5:45 pm

:shock:
i am completely speechless!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
mickey 1994- sept 26 ,2008


let all beings be happy

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puremutt
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Re: not sure what to do now

Post by puremutt » Mon Dec 21, 2009 5:51 pm

OMG OMG I just wrote this, turned around to go to the stovetop and I have MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I started looking at the humane website , the local one here< and last week I pulled it up and I was shocked , the newest dog on there resembled my late dog.
Her name is XENA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

http://humanebroward.com/viewdogs.html
mickey 1994- sept 26 ,2008


let all beings be happy

Christine
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Re: not sure what to do now

Post by Christine » Mon Dec 21, 2009 5:57 pm

Oh Tessa, that just took my breath away! Your girl is right there working things out for you. That kind of love is forever and does not cease because one went through another door.

I know that Bailey brought Penny into our lives 4 months before she left knowing that we would need her. I know that Bailey waited until my dearest friend traveled from Florida for a visit so she could say goodby to her and that I would have another source of support. I know that Bailey chose that time while I was gone for the day to slip quietly away so that I could find her sleeping when I returned.

Xena misses your smile as much as you miss hers. Oh, yes....she is working on this. You have been on my mind during this holiday season..sending you prayers for a Christmas miracle, dear friend.

Love,
Image
Christine... and Bailey, playing at the Bridge
?/1999 - 10/25/08

Christine
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Re: not sure what to do now

Post by Christine » Mon Dec 21, 2009 6:02 pm

Now I am speechless!!! Our beautiful warrior princess is on a mission!
Image
Christine... and Bailey, playing at the Bridge
?/1999 - 10/25/08

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GabrielDeafBlindPupFamily
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Re: not sure what to do now

Post by GabrielDeafBlindPupFamily » Mon Dec 21, 2009 7:18 pm

You know these are such huge signs. If I ever got a sign remotely CLOSE to what you have gotten from my son, I would be dancing on the Heavens a bove. I can't get another son, not now not ever.
So I filled that huge hole with handicapped dogs. BUT IF HE GOT A MESSAGE THROUGH TO ME I cannot begin to describe how much that would mean. There are no words.

Well. I won't tell you about the psychics I have contacted, the readings I have done, tearing the universe apart looking for my boy.

So, Tessa, you GRAB those signs. Your XENA IS HOLLERING AT THE TOP OF HER LUNGS! We can ALL hear her! Shoot, I'll be Andy heard her!

Let me tell you an abbreviated story about Gabriel. He is God's Warrior. He came to my life mere weeks before my son died. I suffered ID hacking, Andy's belongings being stolen, his landlord stole thousands from me, my truck was ransacked, I had to borrow money for his funeral and hazmat, well it was a living breathing horror that thankfully I couldn't concentrate on because I was screaming the loss of my son. So Gabriel lay on my chest, a tiny white furball, deaf and blind, couldn thear my screams, couldn't see my face. He lay and licked the tears off my face while my others who could see and hear me were completely traumatized. I felt I had stepped into the fires of &*(*_

The preacher who did Andy's funeral asked me a lot about Gabriel. Said do you know who Gabriel is? I said sure, God's Messenger. She told me Gabriel was God's Warrior and would help me to fight back. It was my epiphany.

Changed my entire life, and his rescue was published in a book. He saved MY life, despite the fact he was two days from his date iwth a shotgun in Wyoming.

When it comes to a save, you GRAB what seems right, because by golly, YOU may have a miracle in your life and not know it just like me.
Karen, Andy's ^i^ mom
Lethal White Aussies Rule!
INTERACTIVE RESCUE SITE!
http://www.s8.createphpbb.com/lethalwhiteauss/
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/LethalWhiteAussieRescue/

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connie
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Re: not sure what to do now

Post by connie » Mon Dec 21, 2009 9:23 pm

bless you, miracles come in all shapes and signs. thank god you saw those signs.
when my dad died i put on his stone " A LOVE THIS FREE WILL NEVER DIE".
that says it all where he was concerned and your xena also.
hugs and doggie kisses,
connie & cricket ( my miracle)

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tessa
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Re: not sure what to do now

Post by tessa » Tue Dec 22, 2009 5:51 am

thank you all, for your words and support.
and especially you, karen, who i feel so much. i feel you. i really do.
i read your posts, and the depth of what you are willing to share with us...and i simply love you.
if andy comes back as human...it will take so much longer for him to reconnect, i think. we humans grow so much slower. he will be at the mercy of others, perhaps. but when he reappears...you will *know* it.
don't give up.

as for xena. well....she never did come to me in my dreams. just one time. she was showing me something about her leg. the only sense i can make of this silence from her is that she got busy right away...and has been venturing her way to being born again.
i have this sense, and i had this sense even before she died...
that she would come back to me as an abandoned christmas puppy.
so i will wait. i will be open. i will *see*.

and liz...tho she grows fairly silent when i tell her about this stuff...
is happy and excited to have another dog.
so all systems are go.
we are now just waiting for xena to ring the bell.

love to you all this festive season.
xx
tessa

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CarolC
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Re: not sure what to do now

Post by CarolC » Tue Dec 22, 2009 1:10 pm

puremutt she looks perfect, such a beautiful gentle face. Tell your husband that is what you want for Christmas, and it will make the house safer too, if he cares about that.

Tessa, you and Liz had good instincts with Xena, will be waiting to see how it goes.

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kodiblue
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Re: not sure what to do now

Post by kodiblue » Sat Jan 02, 2010 1:38 pm

Karen, your Andy will be around when you aren't expecting it and it will take your breath away. God put you here to do great things and you have been an inspiration to me. Be patient and you will be made whole again.

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