How do I stop this horrible feeling

[lily145195]

I wrote here about my 14 year old little Yorkie name Fiona back in July She tore her glenohumeral ligaments and was having a rough time keeping her legs from sliding out on her. She went on prednisone and a ketamine treatment which seemed to help a bit obviously not back to normal. We got her a great harness that would help support her front legs but still let her enjoy her walks.
]Fast forward to the last week of a September my girl started losing tons of weight even though she was eating like a maniac. We took her to the vet concerned that the steroid could have done some damage when I looked up her symptoms diabetes/kidney/liver disease or cancer was what my options were. The vet did labs which showed elevated kidney and liver enzymes so he proceeded w an ultrasound. Ultrasound showed she had lesions on her liver and her kidneys. Vets option at that point was as long as she wa still eating and drinking to let her be and enjoy the time we had left we her. Unfortunately we had no idea that we only had two more weeks
My little angel passed away in my arms on Nov 12 and I am literally shattered . I can’t stop crying and the thought of being in my house just makes my anxiety through the roof. So I guess why I’m here now is
1. To be able to write out my feelings without judgement or not being able to get the words out
2. To find out what do I do now I have this horrible feeling of dread and heartbreak that shakes my core. There is not a room in my house that doesn’t scream Feona other than the laundry room and I don’t think living in there is an option.
If you have been through this and have found things that worked for you other than getting a new dog please share. I don’t think I can do this long term I know tome helps make it easier but I do still have to make it through an 8 hr work day with out bawling my eyes out every 5 secs.
3. Any good books to read
4. Audiobooks
5 websites?
6. At this point I am willing to try anything other than drugs and alcohol
Thank you everyone in advance I appreciate any advice
Ps. I have already reached out to my therapist but not sure how much she is gonna be helpful

[critters]

Aww, I’m sorry. Have you considered trying another dog or cat? One can never replace another but can certainly help fill the empty spot, even fostering somebody may help; around here the need is enormous. Some mental health or bereavement services might offer groups for pet loss. It’s possible religious groups may as well; perhaps ask locally. Online options are available, but I wonder if you might need something in person?

Good luck!

[lily145195]

I do have a cat who has helped a lot she is like glued to my side. I definitely don’t think I want to do a as mother dog at least not for a very very long time. The church is actually a good idea maybe I can reach out to a local one. I appreciate your response. It’s just nice to have somewhere to be able to write this

[CarolC]

I am sorry to hear of your loss. The only thing that has done me any good is to save and preserve everything I can.

I am so sorry. She was very, very fortunate to have someone who loved her so much.