Let me know what you all think, it is a link about various mental issues many people seem to be face while caring for needy pets. Also let me know if there is a page like it already on the internet (I couldn't find one specifically about the mental aspect of caring for needy animals)
I quoted someone from this forum, but if you want the quote removed Debbie_Spain, just let me know.
PS: feel free to link to it anyone or quote the link or quote directly from it but with a link to the page please.
http://www.geocities.com/petinspiration
Links: Inspirational Notes For Pet Owners *LINK*
Looks like a GREAT resource,
but I don't have time to finish it right now.
I Would Recommend It to Anyone
Your issues contain a lot of truth and wisdom very well said. I think it would help people just to see their feelings put into words so well.
Must confess, I skipped straight to Issue #9, My House is a Mess Because of My Needy Pet, then went back and read the others. It's tempting to print it and hang it on the wall--or at least your answer:
"There are far worse reasons to have a messy house." Thank you and amen!
The only other issue I can think of right now is one that bothers me a little. It's that my other pets get less attention because I must devote so much to my special needs pet.
Tom, just my 2 cents on the not getting out of the house issue...for the sake of the pet the caregiver needs to get out some. Caregiver breakdown can result in a negative outcome for the pet. There is a whole field of advice directed toward appropriate self-care for long-term caregivers, such as those caring for Alzheimer's patients. One good book is The 36-Hour Day. I consider self-care to be a priority based on experience.
I will recommend your website to others.
Must confess, I skipped straight to Issue #9, My House is a Mess Because of My Needy Pet, then went back and read the others. It's tempting to print it and hang it on the wall--or at least your answer:
"There are far worse reasons to have a messy house." Thank you and amen!
The only other issue I can think of right now is one that bothers me a little. It's that my other pets get less attention because I must devote so much to my special needs pet.
Tom, just my 2 cents on the not getting out of the house issue...for the sake of the pet the caregiver needs to get out some. Caregiver breakdown can result in a negative outcome for the pet. There is a whole field of advice directed toward appropriate self-care for long-term caregivers, such as those caring for Alzheimer's patients. One good book is The 36-Hour Day. I consider self-care to be a priority based on experience.
I will recommend your website to others.
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GabrielDeafBlindPupFamily
- Posts: 5011
- Joined: Thu Dec 11, 2003 7:00 pm
- Location: St. Helena Island, SC
Tom, what a wonderful thing you have undertaken!
And thank you! I will recommend your site to my blinddogs group. a lot of blindness is not caused by genetic defects but symptoms of other diseases, so yeah, there are blindpups out there who are not "healthy" and they deal with the caregiver issues much moreso than I. We are in a category by ourselves, no support groups, but our selves, no "guidelines" or advice column but our selves. I would add that for over 6 years no one could come into my house because of my dogs. Now I'm moved and they have their own "condos" downstairs, and their own private doggie park which is still under construction.
You could add a tip section on how to have fun: Fun is life to a dog or a cat or a ferret. Rabbits are not so emotionally or intellectually demanding. Best part of fun is w/your handicappedpet. When the 2 of you get out. (or in my case 5 of us...which is physically impossible)
What a great thing this is!
Thank you, AmbrrNanaDog AllicksblindPup, GabrielDeaf/BlindPup, & St.JudeLongSuffererOfBlindPoopies
You could add a tip section on how to have fun: Fun is life to a dog or a cat or a ferret. Rabbits are not so emotionally or intellectually demanding. Best part of fun is w/your handicappedpet. When the 2 of you get out. (or in my case 5 of us...which is physically impossible)
What a great thing this is!
Thank you, AmbrrNanaDog AllicksblindPup, GabrielDeaf/BlindPup, & St.JudeLongSuffererOfBlindPoopies
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Debbie-Spain
- Posts: 622
- Joined: Fri Apr 04, 2003 7:00 pm
- Location: Catalonia, Spain
- Contact:
Re: Links: Inspirational Notes For Pet Owners
Tom
Excellent work! I think that's a really useful resource, and if I had the time to do it, I'd ask you if I could translate it into Spanish... I may still do so if I can find a volunteer...
I'm quite happy for you to use my quote. Today I feel different to when I wrote that, because things are looking more hopeful, but I think the ups and downs are a normal part of this and other people may feel like that at some stage (and especially those doing special needs rescue).
The issues you have tackled so far made me think that there is another aspect of all this that is a bit different and I don't know whether I have seen it brought up before, maybe for some people it isn't an issue; for me it is, and I think it would be interesting to see what other people think...
Because I feel it is important for all of us to learn what we can, and that it is important to raise awareness about animals with special needs, I tend to write (on my Spanish site and in Spanish forms)in detail about different cases I deal with (my own animals and others) in the hope that people will remember things and maybe be able to use them for the benefit of other animals at some stage. And especially in the Spanish case, to try and educate people about the importance of good basic veterinary care (people will spend vast amounts of money to buy a pet store animal and then don't want to spend a cent on decent veterinary care). I also try and answer everyone who writes on the site if I see that nobody else is responding.
In response to what I write about, quite often I get messages along the lines of "you are an angel" or "you have a heart of gold" or "if only there were more people like you in the world..." or similar words of praise. I'm sure many of you have received similar words and deserve them. I understand that they are sent with the kindest intentions and from the heart, and in that respect I am grateful to the person who sends the message. But, and especially when they are written in public, I find myself squirming with embarrassment. I always find myself at a loss to respond, and would do anything to avoid it, I would even delete the message from my site except that I wouldn't want to hurt anyone's feelings. When I do respond I tend to always thank the person and try to make them see that what I do is no big deal, or make some kind of joke. But it makes me feel terribly uncomfortable and I waste valuable time while trying to decide how to respond. I need a standard answer, but feel I have to reply personally. I even feel uncomfortable writing about this here, because I don't know if anyone else feels this way when praised or if it is a problem I have and I need to see a therapist, LOL.
I don't have such a big problem if people thank me for the website and say it has helped them or that it helped save or improved their pet's life or whatever, that makes me happy. But when they make personal references to me is when I find it difficult. I don't even know if I can explain it properly. I don't want to be seen as a "do-gooder", I just want people to see that caring for a special needs pet is something virtually anyone can do if they really want to, to try and "normalise" it to some extent. I feel that people build up an image of me that doesn't correspond to who I really am and I feel uncomfortable with that. It also makes me worry that people expect more from me than I can give, and it puts me off taking up offers of interviews etc. because I don't want any of the focus on me, I want it on the animals. Yet at the same time I realise that those interviews may help the animals and that if I refuse them I am doing the animals a disservice.
I am so uncomfortable with this kind of "protagonist" aspect (which perhaps is due to the fact that there are hardly any other people in Spain fighting specifically for special needs pets) that I quite often find myself writing "we" did this or that to take the focus off myself. Perhaps I should invent a fictional rescuer and tell the stories in the 3rd person?
I do realise that it is not the most serious problem in the world but it does affect me and I would be interested to know whether it is an issue for other people...and how they respond to people they don't know who praise them. Or how I can write without including myself in the story!
I just *know* I am going to wish I hadn't posted this...I feel like I have bared my soul, but am going to do so just in case anyone else identifies with it. I even feel bad that I am writing about my problems rather than focussing on the animals, but as I think Carol wisely said, self-care is important too...
Debbie
Excellent work! I think that's a really useful resource, and if I had the time to do it, I'd ask you if I could translate it into Spanish... I may still do so if I can find a volunteer...
I'm quite happy for you to use my quote. Today I feel different to when I wrote that, because things are looking more hopeful, but I think the ups and downs are a normal part of this and other people may feel like that at some stage (and especially those doing special needs rescue).
The issues you have tackled so far made me think that there is another aspect of all this that is a bit different and I don't know whether I have seen it brought up before, maybe for some people it isn't an issue; for me it is, and I think it would be interesting to see what other people think...
Because I feel it is important for all of us to learn what we can, and that it is important to raise awareness about animals with special needs, I tend to write (on my Spanish site and in Spanish forms)in detail about different cases I deal with (my own animals and others) in the hope that people will remember things and maybe be able to use them for the benefit of other animals at some stage. And especially in the Spanish case, to try and educate people about the importance of good basic veterinary care (people will spend vast amounts of money to buy a pet store animal and then don't want to spend a cent on decent veterinary care). I also try and answer everyone who writes on the site if I see that nobody else is responding.
In response to what I write about, quite often I get messages along the lines of "you are an angel" or "you have a heart of gold" or "if only there were more people like you in the world..." or similar words of praise. I'm sure many of you have received similar words and deserve them. I understand that they are sent with the kindest intentions and from the heart, and in that respect I am grateful to the person who sends the message. But, and especially when they are written in public, I find myself squirming with embarrassment. I always find myself at a loss to respond, and would do anything to avoid it, I would even delete the message from my site except that I wouldn't want to hurt anyone's feelings. When I do respond I tend to always thank the person and try to make them see that what I do is no big deal, or make some kind of joke. But it makes me feel terribly uncomfortable and I waste valuable time while trying to decide how to respond. I need a standard answer, but feel I have to reply personally. I even feel uncomfortable writing about this here, because I don't know if anyone else feels this way when praised or if it is a problem I have and I need to see a therapist, LOL.
I don't have such a big problem if people thank me for the website and say it has helped them or that it helped save or improved their pet's life or whatever, that makes me happy. But when they make personal references to me is when I find it difficult. I don't even know if I can explain it properly. I don't want to be seen as a "do-gooder", I just want people to see that caring for a special needs pet is something virtually anyone can do if they really want to, to try and "normalise" it to some extent. I feel that people build up an image of me that doesn't correspond to who I really am and I feel uncomfortable with that. It also makes me worry that people expect more from me than I can give, and it puts me off taking up offers of interviews etc. because I don't want any of the focus on me, I want it on the animals. Yet at the same time I realise that those interviews may help the animals and that if I refuse them I am doing the animals a disservice.
I am so uncomfortable with this kind of "protagonist" aspect (which perhaps is due to the fact that there are hardly any other people in Spain fighting specifically for special needs pets) that I quite often find myself writing "we" did this or that to take the focus off myself. Perhaps I should invent a fictional rescuer and tell the stories in the 3rd person?
I do realise that it is not the most serious problem in the world but it does affect me and I would be interested to know whether it is an issue for other people...and how they respond to people they don't know who praise them. Or how I can write without including myself in the story!
I just *know* I am going to wish I hadn't posted this...I feel like I have bared my soul, but am going to do so just in case anyone else identifies with it. I even feel bad that I am writing about my problems rather than focussing on the animals, but as I think Carol wisely said, self-care is important too...
Debbie
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Tom
Re: Links: Inspirational Notes For Pet Owners
Translations would be welcome, so long as I get a copy so I can post up a copy too. 
If you do translate, wait about a week or two so I can at least do some basic improvements and fill in some holes so its somewhat easier to read.
If you do translate, wait about a week or two so I can at least do some basic improvements and fill in some holes so its somewhat easier to read.-
Tom
Re: I Would Recommend It to Anyone
Your right that the caregiver needs to take care of their own needs to, I am going to try to get that message across but I'm trying to emphasize the view that its ok if your life isn't quite as good and careful as it used to be before the dog, its ok if you have had sacrifices, its ok if you give up MATERIAL things and others critise that it wasn't worth it. So I'm going to try to find a way to carefully get that in there.
Thanks for the notes everyone!
Thanks for the notes everyone!
"We" sounds good
> I am so uncomfortable with this kind of "protagonist" aspect (which perhaps is due to the fact that there are hardly any other people in Spain fighting specifically for special needs pets) that I quite often find myself writing "we" did this or that to take the focus off myself.
Saying "we" makes sense. You are part of an international network of veterinarians and fosters and rescuers. If you say "we" it gives people greater opportunity to join in the effort, because people like to join an organization and if it seems like a big organization then they assume there is more likely a place for them. It definitely deflects them from that problematic one-on-one engagement with you.
Do you have a wish list on your website? Old towels, stacks of newspapers, bleach, puppy chow, foster parents? Perhaps a pat answer might be, "Thank you for the compliment, but what we'd really appreciate even more is (list)." You could avoid referring to it as a compliment and say something like, "We appreciate your interest, and if you'd like to help we could use (list)." It changes the transaction from a Child-Parent transaction to an Adult-Adult transaction if you respond to them as a potential co-worker. (Transactional Analysis from the '70's?).
I don't know, but I do agree your time and energy are rather valuable to be siphoned off in this way. It reminds me of a term I once heard, "psychic vampires". I'll bet a lot of really kind-hearted people are similarly victimized. At least a few in the crowd of those paying compliments are needy themselves, seeking to develop a relationship with someone and choosing someone they think is guaranteed to respond kindly--look how nice you are to animals, after all!
And even if they aren't *that* bad, they're still a psychic drain, because they have identified themselves as useless. If they really understood, they would have offered to help, which makes you wonder how sincere they really are in the first place. Is that cynical or what?
You could even make a joke out of it. They say, "Debbie, you're an angel" and you say, "One stack of old towels is worth a thousand compliments!"
I'm afraid they're going to push you to where you either have to become less sympathetic to them or continue giving up precious energy to them that could go to the animals and to doing what you enjoy. Something's gotta give. It's a shame. In a weird convoluted way, you're having to choose between them and the animals. If you ask me, that's a no-brainer.
Good luck!
Saying "we" makes sense. You are part of an international network of veterinarians and fosters and rescuers. If you say "we" it gives people greater opportunity to join in the effort, because people like to join an organization and if it seems like a big organization then they assume there is more likely a place for them. It definitely deflects them from that problematic one-on-one engagement with you.
Do you have a wish list on your website? Old towels, stacks of newspapers, bleach, puppy chow, foster parents? Perhaps a pat answer might be, "Thank you for the compliment, but what we'd really appreciate even more is (list)." You could avoid referring to it as a compliment and say something like, "We appreciate your interest, and if you'd like to help we could use (list)." It changes the transaction from a Child-Parent transaction to an Adult-Adult transaction if you respond to them as a potential co-worker. (Transactional Analysis from the '70's?).
I don't know, but I do agree your time and energy are rather valuable to be siphoned off in this way. It reminds me of a term I once heard, "psychic vampires". I'll bet a lot of really kind-hearted people are similarly victimized. At least a few in the crowd of those paying compliments are needy themselves, seeking to develop a relationship with someone and choosing someone they think is guaranteed to respond kindly--look how nice you are to animals, after all!
And even if they aren't *that* bad, they're still a psychic drain, because they have identified themselves as useless. If they really understood, they would have offered to help, which makes you wonder how sincere they really are in the first place. Is that cynical or what?
You could even make a joke out of it. They say, "Debbie, you're an angel" and you say, "One stack of old towels is worth a thousand compliments!"
I'm afraid they're going to push you to where you either have to become less sympathetic to them or continue giving up precious energy to them that could go to the animals and to doing what you enjoy. Something's gotta give. It's a shame. In a weird convoluted way, you're having to choose between them and the animals. If you ask me, that's a no-brainer.
Good luck!
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Debbie-Spain
- Posts: 622
- Joined: Fri Apr 04, 2003 7:00 pm
- Location: Catalonia, Spain
- Contact:
Translation
My idea was to translate it for your site and then put a link to it... let me know when it is ready and I will see if I can get it done.
Debbie
Debbie