Other: To Cody's Mom (Very long)

[Christine]

This is one of those nights I can't sleep so I have been reading posts I have missed and came upon the ones about your dealing with the loss of Cody. I have to say that every time I have read your posts with support and help for others on this site with your beautiful sign off "Cody's forever proud mom", I get a lump in my throat because I do know how you feel. When I lost Watson, I had an extremely hard time as well. When Bailey first came into my life, I had to write it all down. This is long, but I wanted to remember it all. Please take care of yourself. I hope it helps it a small way.

Love,

Christine and Bailey

This was written in 2001...

Bailey’s story is one that I have decided to actually write and keep. I have all kinds of titles in my head...Bailey, The Wonder Dog...Bailey, The Angel's Assistant....Watson's Goodby Gift...the title will make itself known to me when I've finished writing it.

. When I lost Watson, a beautiful black chow who was with us from the time he was six weeks old until the age of 9, I went into a major depression that took me over a year to pull out of. I threw myself into Hardees working until the point of exhaustion. I could not focus on anything at all. My craft business really suffered because I had NO creative feelings at all. I actually dreaded getting orders. I procrastinated to the point of nearly physical illness worrying about them. When I got home from work, all I could do was throw together a meal, try to clean house, attempt to work on orders, but always ended up crashing and sleeping until Glen would wake me to go to bed. He was very understanding, but I know it must have been hard.

Bailey came into the picture around the end of February, 2001. She appeared at the back door to Hardees one afternoon. The moment I laid eyes on her, there was a connection. She had no collar and would not let anyone come near her. When I spoke to her, she would wag her tail, but "keep your distance". I kept the back door open while I worked and she sat in the grass for nearly 2 hours. I went out and said "Do you want to come home with me? If you do, wait until I get off and I'll take you home”. Then, I came to my senses and decided to call Glen. I called him and just said "I need you to come here." Didn't give a reason and he did not ask for one (very unusual) and he jumped in the car and came. I told him to go out there and see this dog, that there was something about it and I wanted him to see. He spent about 15 minutes with her and came back in and said that she would not let anyone near her. About that time, one of the girls who works for me told me that a child from the neighborhood thought that it lived nearby. At that point, I realized that I was reading more into it and that I had to give up whatever I was thinking. I cried all the way home.

A month and a half later, I came out of the beauty shop in the square, about 12 blocks from Hardees and guess who was sitting outside waiting for me? She had an open wound on her thigh. It took me about 15 minutes of coaxing to get her to come to me and as soon as I touched her, she started licking my hand. I asked her again if she wanted to come home with me and this time I knew she was supposed to. I had Watson's leash and a chain in the van. I put it on her, opened the back of the van and she curled up and went to sleep on the drive home. I kept thinking, "I’ve not said a word to Glen, no warning...I'm just bringing this dog home". We walked up the steps and into the house and I said "Look who was waiting for me in town today." He said "Get her a blanket so she'll know she has her own spot and I'll borrow some dog food." I knew everything was going to be alright then. This was Saturday. She slept in the house and was the perfect house guest. In fact, she did not even use the bathroom for three days (nerves). Sunday, we all just lazed around the house. Glen and I went outside for about 1/2 hour and left her in the house. She was fine.

Monday, we decided to go to Gainesville for the day. We decided to leave her in the house rather than put her outside where it was hot. When we got home, it looked like someone had robbed the house. Lampshade eaten, door jam torn off, quilt shredded and Bailey hiding under a corner table. We figured that maybe someone had rung the doorbell and had scared her enough to set her off. We did not yell or do anything to scare her anymore. We figured that we would have to put her outside the next time we left for this long just to be safe. The next day, , I went to work and Glen had to go to the hardware store. He was gone 28 minutes. When he returned, the rest of the door jam was torn off, all of his orchids were overturned and the carpet was ripped up at the door. Both times, she bit the cable for the TV in half. This time, Glen called me at work and said "I'm really sorry to have to say this, but you are going to have to find another place for Bailey". He told me what happened and said that he really could not live like that. She would have to go. I told him that I totally understood and that I would take care of it. It did not hit me until about 2 hours later and I really got upset trying to think of where she could go. I knew I would not take her to the pound to meet an inevitable fate

One of the girls who worked for me told me she would take her. She has two little boys and a fenced in yard. I was so relieved. That evening, I packed up her food, her blanket and medicine from the vet for her thigh and took her there. For the next three weeks, Bailey stayed under their mobile home. She dug in and stayed there except to come out and eat. I kept going and checking on her. She would just stick her nose out and then go back in. Her husband (who was not warned about the new family member, either) finally put his foot down and said he wanted her gone. I, of course, felt it was my responsibility so started calling everywhere and anyone I could think of for help. Even as far as North Carolina. Went to our vet and had her put on a list for people who wanted special pets. Now time had run out and her husband iwas tired of waiting, we have to do something. One of my other girls offered to take her. I told her she could have Watson's pen (10 x 10). She said she preferred to put her on a run while she was at work and then bring her in the house when she was home. This sounded fine to me. I actually wished I could be doing that, but I knew Glen had made up his mind and there was no changing it The three of us made arrangements to meet the next day after work to transport Bailey to her new home. She did not want to come out from under the mobile home. Her new soon-to-be mom, the smallest, crawled under the trailer (she even brought her guitar to try to calm her down) to coax her out. Bailey freaked and ran out the other way. She ran under another storage shed and flattened out on the ground just within my reach. I put the leash on her and pulled her out and then just sat holding her and crying. She was trembling and licking my face.

On the way to her new home, I decided to buy a harness as I did not want her to possibly choke herself on the run. Stopped at a feed store, got the harness; got help putting it on the correct way and was assured that this was secure and that she could not hurt herself with it. Got to her new home, hooked her up to the run, talked with her and petted her and turned to go to my van. I heard my friend say “ oh ----!” 30 seconds flat and she "stepped" out of the harness! When I turned around, "Houdini" was standing next to me! I then put the collar and leash back on her and rigged the harness back on her and clipped the lead to both collar and harness. Talked with her some more and finally made myself leave.

When I arrived home, there was a message from my friend saying that Bailey had ditched all the collars and chain and was sitting in the woods staring at her. She said as soon as my van was out of sight, she went nuts and got out of it again. At this point, a sort of resignation came over me. I was wrong in bringing this little soul into my life. She did not need me and she was back where started and doing what she wanted to do in the neighborhood where she belonged. I actually felt a kind of peace about the whole thing for the first time since it started.

Two days later, I am at work and the first foster mom gets a call from her husband. He wants to know if Christine brought THAT dog back again! Bailey had walked 14 miles back to her home of 3 weeks and was back under the trailer it!! The husband is now threatening to shoot her or call the animal control.! We convinced him to let me come and get her after work. Now, I REALLY don't know what to do. All the wounds are open again - I just don't think I can go thru this again. I went to the house and crawled under the mobile home. I called to her and she came right to me. I put my arms around her and just sat there and sobbed while she licked the tears off my face. I put the leash back on her and drove home not knowing what to say to Glen except that I had to keep her until I could find a good home for her. Glen was down at the greenhouse. I walked down with Bailey on a leash, my head down, praying for the right thing to say and when I looked up, he was leaning on a fence post with a grin and said "You look like you're 7 years old and trying to say "look what followed me home".

I told him what had happened and that I was trying to find a home for her. He borrowed a doghouse from my brother in law and said,"Put her out on the lead while we go to the grocery store. We might as well test her right away." I was both relieved and scared to death. Relieved that he seemed to want to give her another chance and scared that she might break loose again. When we returned from the store, she peeked around the corner from inside the doghouse and tail wagging started doing what we now call her happy dance because we were back. Glen and I both now know that she came back the 14 miles to find me again and that she really was meant to be with us.

We know from so many things she does that where ever she was before, she was terribly abused. Any loud noises, quick movements, the sight of a broom, men (except for Glen) in ball caps all make her tuck her tail and go into major tremors. Thunder totally terrifies her. She is very well behaved with the exception of the two incidents where she was left alone. I did some investigating on the internet and discovered that this was separation anxiety. She is a joy to walk...in fact, at first it was pretty funny. I am trying to let her investigate so she will finally go to the bathroom and she is trying to stay RIGHT with me so we ended up turning in this small circle with each of us giving the other the lead!

Now, she "heels" without prompting and loves to go for walks. She knew her name within a few days. (At first, I thought she was a boy and named her Bailey. When I took her to the vet to check the wound and for shots, we found out that she was a girl, but the name still seemed right. She is somewhere close to 2 years old. She has been spayed. Since she seemed to know basic commands, I told her to "sit" one day and she cowered and ran back. I tried another time with a treat and the same thing happened. I waited a week and decided to say "platz" the German word for "sit" instead. As soon as I said it, she ran and cowered...great....she understands German! When you tell her to lay down, she looks hurt and goes under the dining room table. She loves to lay here in my office at my feet while I am on the computer. She sleeps in the house at night. When I leave in the morning, she goes on her lead outside and stays there until I return after lunch or if Glen is in for a while. That is the concession we have made to keeping her. We don't know if she will ever recover completely from whatever happened to her before she came to us and I would love to get my hands on whoever did it.. I truly believe she was sent to me to help me heal from losing Watson .

[Cody's Mom]

Hi Christine,

I know what you mean about not being able to sleep. The first two weeks after Cody passed that's all I did was sleep and since then I can hardly sleep at all. I stay up till at least 4 am and then finally get in bed and toss and turn for hours until I get disgusted and get up.

I haven't read your post about Bailey yet, but I will shortly. I just wanted to thank you for what looks like a really heartfelt letter. I know you must miss your Watson like I miss my Cody. It is really hard, isn't it? I am still moving one foot in front of the other, but that's about all I can say. I'm going through the motions not because I want to, but because that's what everybody says you "have" to do. So I am and I am waiting for one day when I hope I will be doing it because I want to, not because I "have" to.

I will tell you how I started signing as "Cody's forever proud Mom". I used to sign everything as Cody's Mom. Like that is the name for my computer, I have a license plate for my bicycle with "Cody's Mom" and on and on....Can you tell I am very proud to be Cody's Mom? And I ALWAYS will be. When I was at Texas A & M on that dreaded day, which was April 16 (Easter day), my boyfriend and I were sitting on the couch in the Rainbow Bridge room and I was hugging Cody for the last moments. The vet brought in that awful form for me to sign to give her permission to help Cody cross over. All I could think about is how much I loved Cody and how proud I was to be his Mom and to have been blessed with his love and presence for so many years. I had to sign my real name for legality and then below it I wrote "Cody's Proud Mom" because that's just what I was. The vet must have noticed because when she sent me the clay paw they made from Cody's pawprint, she enclosed a card for me addressed to "Cody's Proud Mom". So now I have added the "forever" because I will always and forever be Cody's proud Mom. Neither age, nor cancer, nor death can break the bond we share and the love we have for each other. I just can't wait until that day we meet again and embrace and spend eternity together. That alone will be heaven..........

One thing I can say is that I NEVER took Cody for granted. I have just loved him so much for so many years. I knew that I was lucky to have such a beloved companion. I don't think all dogs are created equal, nor are our relationships with them. One person's outcast dog is another's forever love and vice versa. And many people are never blessed to meet up with their forever love as I did with Cody. I feel so blessed and so cheated all at the same time. I know I should not feel cheated as he was 3 days shy of his 17th birthday. It's just not what I had my mind programmed for. The vet told me he should have 6 months to a year post radiation and he only made it 2 weeks post radiation until he went into status epilepticus. I don't understand why and I don't guess I ever will. The only thing I know for sure is that I will always be "Cody's forever proud Mom" and that I am so lucky to have had him in my life for so many years. He was not only in my life, he was my life, and that's why I am struggling so now without him. I have said for years that Cody was my most prized possession in life I have ever had and that if there ever was a choice, I would give everything I had up for him. I still feel that way and if it was an option, I would be bare of all worldly possessions except for Cody by my side. There is no greater gift than love and that was Cody's gift to me. On this board, Dianne once said it sounded as if I loved Cody with "every breath of my body". I can't describe it better myself. I do and always will.

Thanks so much for sharing your letter. I can't wait to read it.

Much love to you and Bailey,

Cody's forever proud Mom

[Christine]

You are welcome..I wanted to finally let you know that one more person supports you here. I am glad you decided to stay with the board and all these wonderful people. Whew...it was difficult to read your note through the tears but it was a beautiful tribute to Cody. Guess I will try to get some sleep so I can function at work tomorrow! Take care...Christine and Bailey

[Cody's Mom]

Hey Christine,

I am about to decide it's time to try to catch some zzz's, too. This board has helped me as much since Cody crossed over as it did before. It is about the only thing I look forward to because I can keep track of how everyone's pets are doing and hopefully progressing. I try to add my 2 cents when I have any. I know it helps me, I hope it helps others. The only tough part of staying on the board is reading about others who just got their carts and are doing so well. I am so happy for them, but it also sort of tears the scab off the wounds I have from Cody not making it to try his cart. It just makes me sad because I wanted so badly to give Cody his freedom back and I had the same hopes and dreams of helping him that all these other great pet parents do.

The people on here are wonderful and if it weren't for them, I don't know if I would still be here or not - literally. It is amazing how much love, encouragement and consolation you can get from people you will likely never even meet. We just all seem to feel the same about our animals and our hearts go out to each other in dealing with our baby's illnesses and/or handicaps. This board is such an inspiration and lifesaver to so many people and I think Mark that started this deserves a huge pat on the back. It has had such a positive impact on so many people.

Much love,

Cody's forever proud Mom

[Rita]

To Christine & Cody's FP Mom,

Both your stories make me cry. I went through #### and back after losing a wonderful fur baby at 6 yrs old due to a vet misdiagnosis. I could barely function for over a year.

Today is the 2nd anniversary of losing my DM baby, and tomorrow is the 1st anniversary of losing my amputee baby at 8.

It helps to know others know how hard it is to loso them. Thank you for sharing so much of yourselves with this group. And thank you, Mark, for giving us the opportunity.

We'll all meet in heaven!! Dogs and dog people will be in a separate area. And the humans who mistreated animals won't be there.

[Cody's Mom]

Hi Rita,

Bless your heart, I will keep you in my thoughts as the anniversaries come up. You had two losses really close together and neither was very old. I know it was a real shock and I see why it is so hard to deal with.

You are right, it really does help to know that others know how you feel. You often feel like you are in a boat alone in a huge ocean of misery.

And again, many thanks to Mark for giving us the opportunity to be able to communicate with others of "our own kind".

I hope you are right about all us animal people being together in one place in heaven. It will be great - I can't wait to meet all the people and their pets from the board!!!

Much love to you,

Cody's forever proud Mom

[Cody's Mom]

Hi Christine,

Your story about Bailey is beautiful. Boy, is she lucky to have you. You were so persistent in trying to give her a home even after all the circus!!! Your husband sure sounds like a great guy - I wish all men were so tolerant and understanding.

Thanks so much for sharing your great story.

Much love,

Cody's forever proud Mom

[Carol T.]

Hi Christine!
I know it said "To Cody's Mom," but I tend to be the nosy type!! What an amazing story! I DO believe that Bailey was supposed to be yours! She obviously knew it, and so did you! She knew you understood her and that she could trust you. ALSO...yours is the second husband I've heard about on this site that we need to get cloned!!!