Help Needed: NDR

[Tiffany]

Hello Everyone
So this is the thing, I'm getting ready to move out of my mother in law's (Eros' "owner")house and I am afraid she is not going to want to give him to me. In all the ways that matter this dog is MY baby, She doesn't even come downstairs to say hi to him everyday when she gets out of work. The dog she had before I moved in was so matted and dirty when I moved in it would make me unconfortable just to think about how much uncomfort every day movement caused him. HE only got let out tied to a chain twice a day wich was ok for him probably cause he was used to it. But Eros needs to chase a Tennis ball at least a couple times a day or he'll go crazy not to mention he needs the excersize. This is a touchy subject because she's the one who paid to save his life. I was wondering if any one had any Ideas or suggestions on how I could bring this up to her without causing a fight and if all else fails actually take the dog (she really doesn't have the time or motivation to care for him)against her wishes her name is on everything.
seeking advice from those wiser then me
Eros & Tiffany

[Dianne]

Tiffany,

You have a difficult, but not impossible situation.

Have you considered offering to buy Eros? Sometimes $100 can do a lot of "talking". If you don't feel comfortable offering money, I've included a few other talking points below.

Talking Points: Mention that your children are VERY attached to him, and will miss him greatly. Explain how they LOVE to play with him and how he GUARDS them. Tell her how you feel safe with him watching them. Offer to take care of his medical needs from today forward. AND, don't forget to mention that you will bring him back for visits with Grandma.

Grandma also might consider GIVING Eros to one of your children as a birthday gift.

Be very understanding with Granny. She has apparently given you housing, is still working, and may be mentally and physically exhausted. I'm part of the older generation, sort of, and can understand the fatigue of daily life.

Don't forget to be grateful, thankful, for having had the opportunity to live with Grandma.

Good Luck,

Dianne

[Carol T.]

Those are excellent suggestions! I was also going to suggest you offer to buy him. Don't "get into it" with her by mentioning the condition of the other dog. If those other talking points don't work...be sympathetic to her and tell her you know she really cares about Eros, but you also understand that she's really busy and you know Eros requires lots of attention and care, so you're willing to relieve her of all that by "taking him off her hands!"

[Cody's Mom]

Hey Tiffany,

Oh my, you ARE in a bind. One thing I'm not sure of - are you still married? If so, couldn't your husband have some pull with his Mom?

I think Dianne gave some great suggestions. The only other thing I can think of if worse comes to worse is offering to gradually pay her back for Eros' vet bill, even if you can only pay $20 or $30 a month. Maybe that's really what she's wanting is paid back for the bill.

Good luck to you.

Love, Cody's forever proud Mom

[Tiffany]

THanks Everyone for the suggestions. I actually have been paying her back since the accident his medical bills were sky high and he is a family pet. My husband could get her to give us the dog or sell him to us but he would not be nice about it so I'm trying to avoid that route. She really doesn't want us to move out so I'm afraid she will use the dog as a way to try to get us to stay is the problem. She bought the dog and then shortly after she ended up stuck out in Illinois for several months so he kind of became ours by accident. I know this bothers her, but it really wasn't our fault, someone had to take care of him and her husband wasn't doing it so we did inatvertantly becoming his masters in his eyes. By the time she got back his needs where part of our daily routine we tried letting her take more of the responsibility but she just never did. Don't get me wrong he loves them very much and I know she does care about him, but I'm afraid she wont put whats best for him in the front of her mind. Oh Well I guess I can just talk to her and hope for the best. I don't plan on moving until september so that will give her plenty of time to turn it over in her mind and hopefully her love for the dog will win out. THank you everyone for listening to me go on and on. All of your suggestions are very helpful.
Eros & Tiffany

[CarolC]

Tiffany I have not read the other replies yet but I would tell her the kids will be HEARTBROKEN without him, which is true.

[CarolC]

[SandyNY]

I would think thru your approach and what your different answers may be to what she may say. Make her feel that she is doing you a big favor - he offers you a safe feeing, kids love him , all of that is great. having the kids should make it 99% easier... tell her that the kids are a bit upset because they are used tobeing close to grandma and able to know she is right there. they are upset about moving away from her. if only you could take the dog with you, the children would feel like they did not loose the link to her and they would be comforted ; and you would owe her big time for being such a wonderful and giving person to take all that pressure of the kids being upset off of you....
I had some friends help me convince my brother to give me his dog vs having her put to sleep; sometimes you have to be creative to get things your way; sometimes maybe you have to be outside of the situation to think of the good way to start. got our fingers crossed....

[Christine]

Hi Tiffany,

I went to the gallery saw your picture of Eros and your babies. All three are so beautiful. I am praying that you will find the right words to make your mother-in-law come to the only right decision. The other girls have come up with so many valid points. I am wondering if a letter from Eros to your mother-in-law might work. I know when I am emotional about something (I get emotional about everything!!!), I am able to get my points across by writing. Depending on her personality, my suggestion would be to write a beautiful letter from your heart either from Eros or from you and your boys incorporating all the points suggested so far. This way, she will have time to think about it, not feel pressured to answer right then and there. For me, the best reason to write it out is that you don't forget anything and you are not crying as you try to make your point. Sending you prayers and the best wishes that Eros will remain with his true mom.

Love,

Christine

[Tiffany]

Hello thank you all for your responses sorry it took so long to get back to you. Once again you all have given me GREAT advise and made me feel alot more comfortable about talking to her I haven't found the right time to breing it up to her but I am definitely going to give her a long time to think about it. I Hope that when she has enough time to toss it around in her mind she will see That she is his grammy and that He belongs with us. I am definitely going to offer to buy him also along with all the other reasons. I'll also still be hear alot as I take care of my father in law and I can bring with me every time. I will definitely let you guys know what she says when the time comes.

[Tiffany]

Hello thank you all for your responses sorry it took so long to get back to you. Once again you all have given me GREAT advise and made me feel alot more comfortable about talking to her I haven't found the right time to breing it up to her but I am definitely going to give her a long time to think about it. I Hope that when she has enough time to toss it around in her mind she will see That she is his grammy and that He belongs with us. I am definitely going to offer to buy him also along with all the other reasons. I'll also still be hear alot as I take care of my father in law and I can bring with me every time. I will definitely let you guys know what she says when the time comes.
Thank you guys all so much.
Eros and Tiffany