Hi Grayson,
I will throw out some ideas here, just for whatever they're worth? I just want to say that Dianne is right, we all get to a point where we think we can't do it. At least I think everyone does, maybe there are some exceptional people or saints out there, or people with ideal circumstances, I don't know. But caregiver stress goes with the territory. Most of us get through it and come out on the other side. I don't know if you have time, but here is an article from the Special Needs Pets website on caregiver stress, and I think it especially applies to you because it is obvious your friends do not have Clue One what you are going through, which to me has always been half the problem. If I was caring for an elderly grandparent, or a bedridden spouse, everyone around me would be understanding and realize how much work I was doing and how it was limiting my life, and they'd probably also give me social approval for being so faithful, etc. But you can do just as much heavy work, sometimes draining, not to mention inconveniencing, and seemingly no end in sight, and nobody seems to realize what it is doing to you and your life, much less give you credit for it. It's like it just doesn't register. Or worse, in some cases they will even criticize or belittle you--the "Why don't you just put that dog down" crowd. They'd never say that if you were caring for an invalid father, would they.
http://www.specialneedspets.org/caregvrs.htm
You know, I did travel with my paralyzed dog. We've been across country twice and I swear, I loved it. I wish I didn't have to stay close to home to care for my other pets, so I could take off with her and travel some more. Maybe we will still get to. She is good about sleeping in the car. We have a collapsible crate I put in the hotel room. And when we had a little spare time during travel, I would take her out to see things. I mean, she got a kick out of checking out the parking lot, or one time we walked to a lake and saw a Putt Putt golf course. (I confess I took her to the Putt Putt while they were closed because I thought she might walk really well on their green "grass"--don't tell!) But nothing matched the thrill she got right in the hotel room smelling EVERYTHING. You have no appreciation of how many smells there are in a hotel room till you take a dog. It inspired her to do additional standing and walking at a time when she was just beginning to stand and take a few steps. I was amazed. Anyway, nothing better than travelling with my dog for a co-pilot.
Not sure about your band, but it seems like some of your fans might actually think it is very cool that you have a cart dog. I still remember James Taylor having a pet pig years ago, that kind of stuff is cool with the public. But going back to travelling, I expressed my dog everywhere. In the grass at rest stops. On the hood of the car in parking lots (she's small enough to lift up and I threw a cup of water on it to save the paint job). In the motel room on a puppytraining pad. When it was time to express her bladder, we just did it and I didn't care what anybody thought. And seriously, in years to come some of your fans are likely to have a dog with a mobility problem and they may look back and think, "Hey, remember GraysonWhite with Raga?--I want to get a cart for my dog like that" and they will save their dog, going by your example.
Like Dianne I would like to know if part of the problem is your schedule does not allow you to get home and express the bladder 3 times a day. It sounds like you do have a very tight schedule. However, if you can generally manage that part of your schedule, then I think the rest will fall into place. Seriously, I've got to say that this is the time of year when many people feel at a low ebb. I remember my all-time low point with my dog was in April. Long winter, you know? I didn't feel spent, I
was spent, let's not minimize any of this. It is real. Fortunately, and I didn't know it at the time, a month later I was past it and we were doing better. I think it has to do with the miserable weather, the lousy light (which might be especially true up in the Pacific Northwest where it is overcast a lot), and just everything that goes with that time of year. But...better days are coming.
Here is another website, done by Tom, who was caring for his dog. You'll probably find truth everywhere in it.
http://www.geocities.com/petinspiration/
You know, if there is just no freaking way you can continue to do this any more, then that may be the case. Nobody else is in your exact circumstances with your exact schedule and commitments and care routine, and nobody knows the situation like you do. I am glad you got some support from the PT place. PT has helped me too, not just my dog. Many times it has felt like such a relief to let someone else exercise her, and know they are doing so much for her. It gives me a break, even if only for a morning.
Something I used to do with a previous dog that was not paralyzed but was down due to hip dysplasia, was once in a while I would board him at the vet overnight. He got to be around other dogs, which wasn't all bad, and I got a break. He used to bark and wake me up early and I was ready to collapse, I was getting very crabby and hard to be around. Something else I did sometimes was take him to the vet for a bath and leave him all day. Drop him off early in the morning, let them give him a bath and do the lifting and so on all day, then I picked him up at 4:30 before they closed. He got a bath and I had all day to get things done, go do errands without feeling I should be home checking him, etc. It was a much needed reprieve. Sometimes you have to do something, you go nuts.
I am not trying to put any guilt trip on you to keep the dog, if you can't, you can't, and you are the one who knows for sure. But I do want to give the other view, in case any of it sounds possible in your situation. One other thing I do not mind saying, and I know this will sound strange, but maybe you need to give yourself permission to NOT do such an outstanding job with your dog. Nobody expects you to do a perfect job--are you a perfectionist? Let me guess the answer to that question. Maybe a little bit?
I believe for all I'm worth that it is OK to do a less than perfect job with my dog at times, if it means that overall we stay together and life goes on. Shoot, if I gave her to someone else, chances are they would be doing a less than perfect job as well.
All I can say is, hang in there, and I hope an adoption comes through for you if that is what you know is best. If you would like to have a moderator move this thread to the Rescue area, where messages are posted by people trying to find a home for a pet, please let us know. Hope you will update on how things are going.
P.S. I just hit Preview, wow this was long!
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I'm in PA via Memphis, TN. Sounds like you are in shock living in the NW. True?
