New at this, and I'm lost.

[Zoe's Mom]

Warning....my first post is long.
I have a wonderful Border Collie mix that I adopted from our local Humane Society. Zoe is 10 years old now. I also adopted one of her brothers too. The problem began about 2 months ago. I'm posting for several reasons: for help understanding what's going on; support; advice; anything really. I just feel lost. Zoe has always been high energy. She's incredibly smart, absolutely beautiful, and unfortunately, sick.
Several months ago, I noticed that her back legs would slip a bit when she walked. It was very slight. Over a few weeks though, it seemed to be more frequent. I took her to my vet for a check-up. She ran lots of blood work and did a chest x-ray. She told me she saw arthritis in her spine, but didn't think that was the problem. Her blood work was good. Zoe is UTD on her shots also. My vet referred me to a canine neurologist (I didn't even know they existed). For the initial consult, he wanted to do more blood-work, x-rays and a few other things. Everything came back clean. Then, he wanted to do a myelogram (sp?), and more tests. I let him do whatever he needed to do to find out what was happening in order to help Zoe. But his findings were nothing concrete. He saw the diminished usage of her back legs (this had increased since her initial vet visit), but couldn't find anything to pinpoint the problem. He gave me a Rx for a pain pill and also some prednisone, in case it was inflammation from arthritis. The pred caused her to be ravenous all the time. She also drank a ton of water. She was on this for 3 weeks, and I really didn't notice much of a change, maybe ever so slightly better. Since the pred didn't seem to help and has side effects, the doc wanted me to taper her off of it. The next 3 days, she had a smaller daily dosage. But, I noticed it seemed to get worse. So...her dosage went back up. But, since I took her back to the beginning dosage, I have not noticed her return to her new "normal."
I spent a lot of money that I don't have, but I want to save my girl. She's 10, but acts like a puppy with how active she is all the time. I decided that if they can't find a reason, I should at least get some rehab advice. I made an appointment with the therapist and was going to talk to her about chiropractic, acupuncture, wheelchairs, water therapy etc. They weighed Zoe at the beginning of the rehab appointment and she had lost almost 10 lbs in 5 weeks. I was devastated. I didn't notice since she was eating everything that wasn't nailed down. Instead of therapy that day, they thought she would benefit from seeing the internist. That doc wanted to do more tests. With the weight loss, she wanted to rule out cancer. She ran more blood-work and per the in-house reading, they thought Zoe was somewhat anemic. They even said her gums were a little off color. The internist explained the function of the spleen and wanted to do an ultrasound of her spleen. They told me that it was enlarged, and "mottled" in appearance. That concerned them. So, they wanted to biopsy it. We had lots of conversations about what it could mean by itself, and in relation to her leg problems. They kept Zoe overnight so they could biopsy her spleen to see if they could find any evidence of cancer. The internists' initial findings from her blood-work are that she was anemic, and her spleen did not show any cancer, per the internist reading of the slides. We talked more about it and I made the decision that I wanted a pathologist to read the scans/slides/blood-work. The blood-work results, per the pathologist, are that she's not anemic like the doc thought. I'll probably hear the spleen results tomorrow.
Right now, Zoe can stand, but getting up is difficult for her. She can walk, but her rear end has a life of it's own, as do her feet. Sometimes, she knuckles under. Sometimes, she trips on her own feet. Sometimes, she splays her legs apart because her feet are sliding. I have concrete floors, with some area rugs. She knows that staying on the rugs is better for her, but she doesn't always do that. I bought the Ultra-Paws for her, since I had done some research and they were supposed to have the most traction available in dog boots. These don't work at all for her though.
The internist had kept Zoe overnight for the spleen biopsy. I picked her up from the vet this last Thursday night. Since then, she's had diarrhea badly and a slight eye discharge. She's never had issues with going potty in the house since she was housebroken. But for the last 2 nights, she has had accidents all over the house. She’s not a barker, so you have to see her at the backdoor to know she wants to go out. She can't hunker down the entire time to go potty, so she gets up, walks a few steps and squats again. This results in many spots of diarrhea. This is very watery too. No blood, no dark stools, thankfully.
Zoe also went from being ravenous from the pred, to now not wanting to eat. Yesterday, she ate a small bowl of food. Today, she ate almost nothing. I've tried white rice, chicken, liver sausage (for her medications), etc, and nothing works. She's hard to pill too. She finally drank some water minutes ago, but refused to eat. She had eaten a very small amount of chicken earlier. Since her stomach is upset, I figure it’s OK that she’s not eating some. After she drank her water tonight though, she lost the contents of her stomach…mostly water, some chicken, and yellowish bile I believe.
So, to recap: all her blood-work is normal; her x-rays show some arthritis in the spine, but not enough to cause this problem; she is losing the ability to walk due to her back leg issues; she now has diarrhea, is lethargic, and not eating. She refuses to take her meds too.
I'm at my wits end right now. I have so much admiration for people who do this for animals. I'm not giving up on Zoe, but I don't know where to turn. I'm not sure why she has diarrhea now, but I'm guessing her stomach is sensitive now, and that might be why she's not eating. I sat at the kitchen counter with Zoe laying on the ground looking at me, and I cried...long and hard. And I begged her to help me help her. I can deal with her mobility issue, but I don't know what to do about everything else. I don't know if she picked up a bug from the vet's office, or if this has anything to do with her mobility issue. The internist thinks it's one of 2 things: either there was a traumatic thing that happened, that's since passed, and we're left with these results, or she might have spinal cord cancer. She told me the only way of telling the latter is to do a CT of the spine (or possibly an MRI, I can't remember). At a cost of 3,000-4,000 dollars, I can't afford it. I've already spent over $5,000 on these tests, only to have no answers. All of those bills were put on Care Credit too. The biggest reason to not do the CT of the spine is that even if it shows cancer, there's nothing that can be done. But, the biggest reason to do the CT is to rule cancer out. Since we're relatively sure that she's cancer free (I'll know for sure when the spleen test comes back), I can deal with the mobility issues. But, if she has cancer, I certainly don't want her to suffer.
I don't know where to turn. I've been online for countless hours, reading everything I can, trying to learn how to help Zoe. I truly think a wheelchair would be incredibly helpful to her, and I had decided on the Walkin' Wheels item. But after all the bills I've gotten so far, I honestly can't afford it. I don't know what to do. If she starts to eat and take her meds and the diarrhea clears up, then it's just mobility. But could the diarrhea have anything to do with her mobility issues? It wasn't like this until 2 days ago.
The other hard part for me is that I have rheumatoid arthritis. I have a hard time lifting her when she's down and can't get up. Most of my joints have problems. So some things are limited due to me, not just money.
Zoe doesn't look happy now. She lays around all day, lethargic. She still gets up and runs/slides to the back door in order to go out when the urge hits. Otherwise, she just lies there all day. No more chasing the cat; playing with her brother; going for walks etc. I feel like her quality of life is poor right now. But, if the diarrhea clears up and she starts to eat again, if she were mobile, I think she'd be happy again.
I need advice please. I don't know if I'm kidding myself about her condition. I don't know if euthanasia would be better for her. If it's just mobility, I won't go that route. I don't want to. I agonize every day about it. I cry myself to sleep over her and her problems. I want so badly to help but I don't know how. Between my health issues and hers, I'm broke. It seems so wrong to limit your dogs' life based on finances. I'm willing to do the work for as long as I can, but I don't want to be causing her more pain by prolonging her life. Something tells me that it's just mobility though and that the stomach issues will clear up soon. That's the ray of hope I keep hanging onto. I just need to see a spark in her, the drive to live in her, and then we'll get thru this. But I don't see it now. I don't want her to give up. I've even agonized over whether to see if I could find an angel who would adopt her. It's not what I want to do. But I'm physically challenged myself. I'm doing OK now, but if it gets a lot worse, I'll have a big decision to make. Zoe is my everything, and I know all of you know how I feel because you feel the same way about yours. The thought of letting someone else adopt her scares me. I know she'll be alive and cared for, but she won't be with me. She'll know I abandoned her. I refuse to do that, even though it's crossed my mind.
I can barely read thru my tears, and this novel is long enough, so I think I'll close my post here. Thank you for letting me get this off my chest. Thank you for this wonderful board. And if anyone has any advice or encouragement, please send it my way. I need it badly. Thank you.

[CarolC]

Hi Zoe's Mom,

I hardly know what to say. You have so much going on. The overall picture does not sound exactly like anything I've heard before. I could see where maybe if she was beginning to have some neurological effects from spinal arthritis that were not showing very much because of her overall good health, and then some other health condition occurred, maybe the effects of the arthritis would begin to show more. So perhaps the weakness in the hind end simply became more obvious. For example my dog's legs would slip while he was trying to drink at the water bowl. He had arthritis and old age, and had also fallen trying to jump in the car a few years earlier. When he started slipping at the water bowl I suppose he was in the 11-12 range. But I had noticed the sound of his nails dragging/brushing the sidewalk on one hind foot when we'd go for a walk at least a couple of years before that. What we did for him was get rugs, like you say, to put on all the slippery wood floors. They made a big difference. I like the kind of rugs that are like the mats you see at the entrance to a store, rubber around the border and low pile carpet in the middle, and large (3 x 5). They sell them at Lowe's or Home Depot in a couple of colors. If they are soiled, you can hose them off and put them over the fence to dry. I like them because they do not slip around on the floor, they stay put (my dog was big). Other people have done the same thing with carpet runners.

There is also a new product called Dr. Buzby's toe grips that has gotten good reports for helping a dog in the early stage of a mobility problem keep traction. But I recommend rugs.

I am not sure about the diarrhea. It is not normally associated with hind end weakness like you might see in an older dog. I tried to look up watery diarrhea and they say report it to the vet. Prednisone can case GI upset or even ulcers, and they recommend giving a stomach protectant such as Pepcid a/c with prednisone, but I don't think it causes watery diarrhea, I'm not sure. You might ask the vet about that. I guess it is possible she could have developed pancreatitis from the the stress of the hospital stay (and prednisone), or it could be something else entirely.

I agree, the mobility is something that can be dealt with if you can figure out the rest of this. What a frustrating experience to spend so much on tests and still not be sure what is going on. I have had the experience of spending thousands of dollars and putting my whole heart into trying to save a pet during a health crisis. I hope they can find the right treatment for Zoe.

I don't think this message is of much help at this point. The only other thing I can think to add is that you may want to get her a sling before you get her a wheelchair. It would help you get her in and out of the car for appointments and things like that. It is easier with a sling than just with your hands, and I never had much luck using a bath towel as a sling because you need a strong grip to hold a bath towel. When you are taking her to the vet, I recommend you drive there, go in, tell them she is in the car, and have one of their strong young assistants help you bring her in and put her back in the car. That will make it a little easier for you.

I hope you will update on what you learn today. I would like to know what you find out, to understand what is going on better.
Hope you can hang in there. One thing is certain. She knows you are supporting her 100%, and whatever else is going on with her health, that is going to mean the world to her.

[Zoe's Mom]

Hi Carol,
Thanks for your response. I had talked to the emergency vet the last 3 days and they just said to withhold water and food until the diarrhea stops. That wasn't a problem because she wasn't eating or drinking. They just said to come back if she doesn't get better. I just came back from Zoe's regular vet. They're going to keep her today and rehydrate her. They're also going to do some blood-work too and see if something else shows up. They're going to try to give her something for the diarrhea and depending on how she responds, something to increase her appetite. Her vet thinks it may be a systemic disease that just doesn't show up on tests. She also said that if Zoe does perk back up and they can get this under control, then there's one anti-fungal medication she might put Zoe on, just to see. She said it would be unusual to have this fungal disease, but she saw a case not long ago where no one could figure it out. It sounded like they eventually euthanized the dog and did a necropsy and found this fungal disease. At this point, I told her to go for it. I'd hate to think that I did everything except one small thing, and that was the root of her problems.

Zoe is always active, a hyper, typical border collie. The ever so slight slipping with her back legs started several months ago, but I never noticed anything prior to that. It has progressed fairly quickly though. I'm in the market for a sling, and your choice is rugs is a good idea.

With this new set of things going on, I guess I just thought that she caught a cold or a bug from the emergency vet where she stayed overnight. She had a great appetite and drank lots of water prior to her last visit. But, ever since I picked her up on Thursday night, she's had weepy eyes, is dehydrated, won't eat or drink and has diarrhea. I hope this isn't connected to her leg issue. My vet threw out the "Big C" and that's scaring me to death.

Lots of prayers going on right now.
Thank you for your insight and kind words. It is greatly appreciated.

[CarolynAngel]

You can make him hut with soft area rug s that he can get adjust t it and then himself will restrain from walking n tiles. Or the other way round is that you can get your homes tiles covered completely.

[Zoe's Mom]

Zoe stayed at her regular vet's office all day Monday. She did a chest x-ray and gave her a shot of Pred, some anti-diarrhea Rx and a few other things. In talking to the vet, she thinks it's cancer, since they can't find any other reason for her symptoms. Since they aren't a 24 hr. place, I wanted her to have overnight care, so I took her to a good ER nearby, but not the same as the first time. I brought her records in case a new set of eyes could see something others overlooked. The ER kept her overnight and I picked Zoe up last night. She's been eating & drinking small amounts whenever it's offered. She's urinating well, but I haven't noticed a BM yet. She's been on anti-diarrhea Rx so that might have something to do with it, plus her stomach was pretty empty. The ER vet & I spoke at length about Zoe. She couldn't figure it out too. Her main thing was to stabilize her and take care of the fever, diarrhea, and not eating/drinking, which they did. The ER doc thinks it might be cancer too, though she also said that all of these symptoms could be unrelated and will pass. Time will tell. When I picked her up from the ER vet, she told me that they noticed a drop of fresh blood in the kennel. They think it was probably when they were doing something medical with her IV, and brushed it off as probably nothing. She did tell me to watch her carefully though. Zoe has never had any problems with her nose. Over the last few days, she's breathing a bit heavily thru her nose, and she sounds congested. So they've been cleaning her nose out at the ER and finding crusty debris (sorry). She did say though that if her nose starts to bleed, it's probably cancer, and that could be the root of her problems. A vet tech friend of mine came with me to pick up Zoe. After the doc left the room, my friend took a tissue and gently wiped Zoe's inner nose, and there was a faint tinge of blood in both nostrils. She immediately looked at me with tears in her eyes. We talked about it, and she's in agreement that it's probably cancer. I'm not sure. The tests are too expensive for me. I'm maxed out. I also don't want to put Zoe thru another invasive procedure. We live in AZ, and I get bloody noses due to the low humidity. It's possible this is all that it is, or not. I'm a realist most of the time. I'm trying to be optimistic, but fear I'm losing the battle.


Zoe has eaten and drank for me whenever offered, in small amounts, slowly increasing. But, she's still not herself. Her personality is gone. She's listless. She can't get around on her own, so she just lays around all day and night. Throughout the night, I would glance over at her and notice her laying there, but her head upright, as if she's watching something, but the entire house was dark. The doc and my friend said that the next few days are critical and will show whether or not this can turn around so that I have a dog in a wheelchair instead of no dog. It's never a good time, but I'm traveling for work all of next week. I feel like this week a decision has to be made to continue nursing her and hope for the best, or to give up. I don't know if I'm fooling myself and just not seeing the writing on the wall by trying to be optimistic. I have trouble with docs who says that they can't figure it out so it must be cancer. To me, I'm sure it could be other things. Her nose issue could be from AZ dryness, or cancer. I would know if I can find another $1300. But I'm second guessing all my decisions. Like everyone, I want to do everything I can for Zoe, but I also want to know she's pain free and has a quality of life. Right now, she doesn't. She immobile and sleeps or stares at the wall all day. I haven't seen her tail wag in a week or more, even when I greet her heartily in the morning or give her favorite treats. That concerns me.

I just got an email from handicappedpets where I applied for a grant for a wheelchair for Zoe. My application was denied. So now, she won't be mobile until I can find more money. With her medical care so far, that won't happen for quite some time.

Yesterday at work, I couldn't concentrate at all. My mind was on Zoe...how does she feel...is she in any pain...did she eat....did she keep it down...is she urinating...etc, etc. Once I picked her up, I was able to work, knowing that she was sleeping next to me. But every time I look at her, I wonder if I'm doing the right thing. I wonder if it's time to let go. I feel pressed because I don't want to be out of town and find out she died. Though it'll be gut-wrenching, I want to be present for her, which means I have to make a decision before the end of the week. One day I feel hopeful, the next I don't. I'm so torn.

Thank you for your response CarolynAngel. It's most welcomed, and a good idea at that.

[CarolC]

I understand what you are saying about quality of life, and finances, and wanting to be there. If the decision is not clear, perhaps your vet tech friend could help with her next week, it sounds like she really cares about Zoe.

Here is a website with resources and financial aid links for canine cancer.

http://www.fightcaninecancer.com/funding.html

You know, this is probably completely unscientific, but I've had 5 pets with cancer, or I may be losing count. The two that had mammary tumors, I could not smell it, and the one that had a vaccine sarcoma on his shoulder, I could not smell it. But the one that had a tumor on his ear (under thin skin) I could smell and the one that had an oral melanoma...I could smell that. In fact, the smell was how I found the tumor in those cases, I had not realized anything was wrong. Each time they were the most awful smell I've ever smelled in my life by far, and especially with the oral melanoma, my hair literally was standing up on my head and forearm while I was trying to examine my dog to see if she might have something in her mouth. Maybe that's just me, and this may not apply to you at all, but you didn't mention smelling anything and in my experience sometimes you do with tumors.

[Zoe's Mom]

Hi Carol,

No, I haven't noticed any smell like you'er referencing. Whew! I have a good friend who's going to be staying her in my home while I'm gone next week. She thinks of it as a mini-vacation for herself. Zoe will be in good hands, and I have other back-up in case of a medical emergency or if the unthinkable had to happen.

I picked Zoe up from the ER on Tuesday night this week. It just felt good to have her home. She had been thru a lot and was exhausted. She mostly slept. Wednesday she was on an upswing it seemed. For the first time in a week, she barked and was wagging her tail when the doorbell rang. I'm ecstatic! Wednesday she also ate/drank whenever offered small amounts and she's been good about taking her Rxs. Thursday she wasn't as up as before, but she was eating and drinking. I was elated when she finally had a bowel movement that was normal.

The docs said the first 48 hours from bringing her home was the critical time. Zoe and I had "the talk" where I told her it was OK to let go. Now, we're just hanging out. It's been 48 hours and she's still up and getting around, eating, drinking, and seeming pretty normal except for her activity level.

For now, until I have clearer signs, I think she's going to fight through this, and the only thing that could make me happier is if she recovered from her leg/back problem. I don't have the funds for a wheelchair, so she's primarily just laying around the house, bored. If I could make her mobile again, I think her spirits would lift and she'd be much happier. Without the wheelchair grant though, it will be some time before I can afford one.

I was out yesterday on the hunt for help concerning her slipping. Does anyone have any suggestions concerning how to help Zoe not slide so much? I have area rugs in most rooms, but there is blank, concrete in the hallways and walking areas. I have the Ultra Boots now, and they were supposed to have the most traction, but they don't work at all for her. Both her back legs splay outwards until she's practically sitting down. Then, she can't get up since she's in a weird position. She needs the protection of the boots since she's knuckling under too. But I need to figure out how to get more traction. More carpeted areas isn't the answer since she slides there too, just not as much.
For now, it's a day at a time. If anything, this has taught me not to squander my time and to cherish each moment I have with her and others. I appreciate your suggestions and caring words. It's hard, as everyone who's on this forum knows. You want to do the right thing, yet it's not always clear.

Her ER vet called to check on her the other day. Finally, in that conversation, she told me she's rethinking her comments on Zoe and now thinks that this is a bug she picked up and not another symptom of something deeper. She still might have spinal cancer though. I'm not sure I'll ever know that answer. But I'll take any good news I can get.

Thank you all for listening and making suggestions. I appreciate the support during this time. Welcome Friday!

[CarolC]

Her ER vet called to check on her the other day. Finally, in that conversation, she told me she's rethinking her comments on Zoe and now thinks that this is a bug she picked up and not another symptom of something deeper.

...which was kind of what you thought all along. I'm very glad to hear her potty is more normal now, that's really good news. And I'm glad you could make arrangements for the week you have to travel. I had a kitty on sub-Q fluids when I had to travel to my home town, and a friend actually came over and watched me give fluids so she would know how to do it, which was awfully nice of her. I hope your friend can come over and see how you do things. Since she'll be staying in the house, it sounds like you have the best situation possible.