Getting Over Jasper

[sdrakkan]

It has occurred to me that I have never really come to terms with the death of my first (And probably my last) foster dog Jasper. Jasper was a Chihuahua/Pomeranian mix found by a roommate of mine. No tags, no chip, and about 4 years old. NO manners whatsoever. It took me almost 7 months of work to make him a normal dog again. I will say this now: I was NEVER a dog person. And I became incredibly close to this 9lb dog. I found a home in February with a single mom and her 4 kids. They had decided on a permanent dog after fostering and re-homing 4. We decided on a test run for a week to see how he did with the kids. The minute he walked out that door I knew that I may never see that fuzz butt again.

The day before we were to make the final decision on them keeping him, I was coming into my apartment and got a call on my cell phone. It was the police department. He had pulled Jasper's collar off his body on the highway 2 miles from their house. The 22 year old son who was home that day with a bicycle injury didn't watch the door and Jasper bolted in a beeline for Portland. I just dropped the phone and started screaming. I just didn't know what to do with myself. My mother went and got the collar and scooped up Jasper off the side of the highway and brought him to her house to bury. I couldn't look at him...I couldn't look at him because in my mind I failed him. The mother kicked the 22 year old out of the house that night...but it just wasn't enough.

I work in a pet shop for my job. One would say that would be great; I get to talk about animals all day.

It isn't when you are grieving an animal.

It's been 10 months. Will I ever get over this pain? Can I stop bursting into tears when I see dogs like him?

[GabrielDeafBlindPupFamily]

Oh, what a heartbreaker! No, I don't think we ever get over them, we just get used to the hole in our lives and the incredible sadness. A beautiful boy Jasper was, and my heart goes out to you.

I lost a foster I fought wildly for last November 15. After a year and a half of trying to save her, she succumbed to her demons, or as critters says, the geraniums in her cranium (I love that description).

I will foster again, and in fact, shortly after her death, I lost my big guy, St.Jude, whoI had fought even harder to save. So when an ancient crippled/paralyzed dog in NJ needed a family to die with, I said, sure, I know I can do this, I made it through two in the last couple of months. So I adopted him. He is a part of my family. His days are numbered despite his amazing recovery from his injuries and the countdown has begun and boy I love him so much, I KNOW it's going to hurt, but yes. I'll do it again and again. Because the thought of someone like any of mine perishing at a shelter, abandoned and not knowing love in their final days is something I can't accept, if I am able to help in any way.

You can look at Jasper's death as an opportunity to save another in Jasper'sm emory. I like to think of the saves as a legacy.

Jasper's Legacy. What a wonderful thing that would be. Jasper's Legacy will stop the tears. Or at least they won't come as often. He was beautiful. We can't predict the future, we can't know the future. Thank God for that or we could never make it through any day with a smile on our faces. We would be doomed from the day we set foot on the planet. I try to live like my dogs do. In the moment. Tomorrow is unknown, yesterday is done. Live for today.

[Oche]

My heart aches for you, and while I don't have many words of wisdom to offer, please know that your grief will subside over time. I have a similar story as yours, and it took a long, long time to come to terms with our grief and guilt. Rest assured, with each month that passed, the rawness subsided until we could finally smile when we thought of the little guy.

Give yourself more time, embrace your feelings and know that time really does heal. In the meantime, you may want to write Jasper a letter to help validate how you feel and bring some closure.

My heartfelt condolences.