AngelTillman's journey ends at 10 am on Saturday

For help and support with the passing of a pet. Sometimes we feel very alone. We're not alone.
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GabrielDeafBlindPupFamily
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AngelTillman's journey ends at 10 am on Saturday

Post by GabrielDeafBlindPupFamily »

I am too sad to think straight. I hate this. I hate planning his death.

My precious boy, I found out about him a year ago and our lives changed forever.


He has had the best year of his life and that's partly why this hurts so much. I want him to have forever the best of his life.

His screams and his trembling will cease on Saturday.

Love you boy. Can't bear to think about this.
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Karen, Andy's ^i^ mom
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janew
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Re: AngelTillman's journey ends at 10 am on Saturday

Post by janew »

Oh NOOOO. I am so sorry, you have given him so much. It is so very hard to make that call even when you are right & the only option...my thoughts are with you.
Be strong & take comfort that you gifted him with lots of love & care.
jane
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LisainCAN
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Re: AngelTillman's journey ends at 10 am on Saturday

Post by LisainCAN »

Oh Karen,

He may be AngelTillman but you are his Angel. He will be with all the others you have lost soon, running and free.

I am so sorry. My thoughts will be with you.
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Re: AngelTillman's journey ends at 10 am on Saturday

Post by Christine »

Oh, Karen...you been to #### and back trying to save this boy. You are the strongest and most loving person I have ever known. This past year you have given him a lifetime of love to make up for the injustices he must have suffered. That same loving heart is allowing you to release him from his demons. Because of you, he will make that journey to peace both blessed bathed in love.. I admire your strength, determination in the face of impossibilities always tempered by love.
Holding you close in my heart.
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tessa
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Re: AngelTillman's journey ends at 10 am on Saturday

Post by tessa »

oh, i know this experience. it is the worst. my heart is with you. i'm so sorry.
please be brave for him, because he will, no doubt, be brave for you.
after...we can all cry together.
again...i'm just so, so sorry.
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Re: AngelTillman's journey ends at 10 am on Saturday

Post by Bobbie »

You gave him a chance and a better year, and now you are giving him another gift.
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GabrielDeafBlindPupFamily
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Re: AngelTillman's journey ends at 10 am on Saturday

Post by GabrielDeafBlindPupFamily »

You know, when I think how far he has come, how much he has improved, while steadily loosing new ground, it just flattens me. Look at this video, taken just over 2 months ago, and see where a para-crippled, neuro, deafblind ancient and totally wild guy has come to be a FAMILY PET.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9PYMP3InrH8

He is standing in my lap right now, screaming in my face for something I don't know what. Everythin he is doing now is for the last time. He has screamed before I open the front door for the last time. He has peed on the porch furniture for the last time. He will turn up his nose at the chicken and fish sticks I am makin for his dinner for the last time... It is so SAD! OMG!

It's true. The harder you try, the harder it hurts. I thought he was goin to MAKE IT! We both got suckered in to a place of happiness and comfort and sureness inthe future and WHAM, there it goes. We all go through this, I know, but it hurts so much, each and every time. He deserved YEARS, HE DESERVED MORE! I can't see to type any more.

My baby boy, I am so proud of you!
Karen, Andy's ^i^ mom
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Les
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Re: AngelTillman's journey ends at 10 am on Saturday

Post by Les »

I am so very sorry to read this; Deb and I know well the hurt of death as we have lost two sweet girls in the past 5 months. My heart is heavy and hurts for you, but weep no more; you did a GREAT THING and your pet knows it, thanks you and loves you for it. Cry until there are no more tears, and know that Tillman isn't crying or hurting anymore, and you will be reunited one day again.

God Bless you and comfort you in this difficult time.... :angel:
Christine
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Re: AngelTillman's journey ends at 10 am on Saturday

Post by Christine »

That's beautiful, Les.
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puremutt
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Re: AngelTillman's journey ends at 10 am on Saturday

Post by puremutt »

YOU gave so much, you gave Angel a home , love, comfort, you prepared Angel for the next journey.
you are the most amazing peson, there is so much hardship in your life and you are so giving.
I wish I could hold you tight and not let go, you deserve the greatest honor someone can get.
I wish you strenght, hug your other ones.
mickey 1994- sept 26 ,2008


let all beings be happy
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tessa
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Re: AngelTillman's journey ends at 10 am on Saturday

Post by tessa »

karen...how are you?
i am thinking about you.
i am holding you up from the bottom.
sdrakkan
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Re: AngelTillman's journey ends at 10 am on Saturday

Post by sdrakkan »

Been keeping you and Angel in my thoughts. Your struggle gave another family peace with their dog a few days ago when they had the make the choice to let go. That sometimes no matter how hard we fight we eventually have to give that little life up to the Rainbow Bridge and know we will eventually meet again where there is no pain, no abuse, and all the love they got from you. I try not to cry at work, but I held the woman for a few minutes while we both cried. Wiley joined Angel yesterday morning. His wheelchair was given to another dog to keep on helping.
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GabrielDeafBlindPupFamily
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Re: AngelTillman's journey ends at 10 am on Saturday

Post by GabrielDeafBlindPupFamily »

Oh, God, that is terribly beautiful. My cousin quotes Irish poets and Terrible Beauty will stay with me forever.

Everything I do, THERE IS THIS HOLE. It is so quiet, my thundrous sobs have been replaced by constant weeping. At least my dogs that can see and hear are no longer as traumatized.

Angel's death was good if there can be such a thing. I asked Doc if it is true the brain lives for 4 minutes after the heart stops. She said tests are not done on dogs. In St.Jude's case, I said loudly, right in his ear, after his heart stopped I LOVE YOU. I coudn't do that with AngelTillman, he's stone deaf. So I put my head on his head and hoped he could feel the vibrations.

His 'footprint' was huge here, and things are quiet, peaceful, no more high anxiety at meal time, in fact Albin is eating outside with the big dogs now, and no racing back and forth from the bathroom, trying to get Tillman to eat. No more letting him in and out after he brilliantly learned to bark at the door and it would magically open. No more, no more, no more. The hole is huge and I miss his love so much. I miss my little baby boy. He will always be a baby because everything he experienced here was for the first time in his life. He was just discovring LOVE AND LIFE when his own ended. That just kills me. HE DESERVED THIS HIS WHOLE LIFE! I want him back. I don't want him to agonize any more, but I WANT HIM BACK! I told doc maybe I had been selfish the whole time and maybe I should have made this call a long time ago. We don't know. We don't know what he suffered from, but she and I feel it was dementia or some sort of alzheimers. Because he by God made a miraculous and emotional (family, dogs & people love) recovery. He came so far. He should have had more time. I should have had more time with him to try to make up for what he missed his entire life.

I want to take this opportunity to say THANK YOU ALL for being my family, for holding me and mourning with me. This means more to me than anything in my life. I can't describe how I feel I'm HOME here, and I can cry with you and you comfort me and you UNDERSTAND exactly what I am feeling. THANK YOU ALL. I love you. You are my family.
Karen, Andy's ^i^ mom
Lethal White Aussies Rule!
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troopersmommy
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Re: AngelTillman's journey ends at 10 am on Saturday

Post by troopersmommy »

I didn't see this post till tonight. My heart goes out to you...

I had to stop once I started to reply because tears keep blurring my vision. I feel your pain and loss to my very gut! It makes it hard to breathe much less think of the right thing to say. Thank God we all have each other. I don't know how I ever survived before I found all of you.

I had rescued a little dog that looked just like your Angel a couple of years ago. We named her Sassy. (This is very difficult for me to talk about, but I think it is important to share.) Anyway...sorry, I can't stop the tears...ummm... we'd only had her about 9 months when one day a storm came up and somehow she got out of our yard. I still don't know how, it's really a mystery because none of my other dogs did, the gates were all locked, no holes dug...??? But my husband had just gotten off work and saw her lying by the side of the house, apparently a victim of a dog fight. We never were able to find out any details, none of the neighbors heard anything, we didn't see any other dogs running around. It was awful! All I could think of was why did we have such a short time with her, and what a horrible way to die. She'd been abused and neglected when we found her, but with lots of love, had really come around in a short time. She loved to play with my kitties and chase them through the house. I lovingly buried her in my garden with her favorite toy, next to the dozens of others gone before her. My husband couldn't help, he could not stop crying. He couldn't accept that there was nothing he could do, couldn't figure out how it happened to prevent it from ever happening again. To this day I can't say her name around him.

I said all this to say, that a thought came to me one night shortly thereafter that helped me get through the unfairness of it all. To me, nine months seemed so short a time to have her, but to her, as I think now with all animals, nine months could have seemed like a lifetime. You know the phrase "in dog years"? Our perception of time is bound to be different. I've never checked it out, I don't want to, because it helped soften a hard spot that had formed in my heart with her death.

I believe that God grants US...the rescuers, caretakers, moms, dads... the time to share the love of these SPECIAL CREATURES before he calls them Home, and that time...whatever amount He decides is right...is enough for them to know "heaven on earth". I came to terms with that and truly BELIEVE that when He feels that COMPLETE BLISS has been reached, then it's time to become an angel once more. So if you think about it this way (and hopefully you won't think I'm too off the wall), then your Angel must have been very, very happy. When you said:
I thought he was goin to MAKE IT! We both got suckered in to a place of happiness and comfort and sureness in the future and WHAM, there it goes. We all go through this, I know, but it hurts so much, each and every time. He deserved YEARS, HE DESERVED MORE!

I think you gave him much more than a lifetime of love and happiness. You gave him eternal happiness and allowed him to experience love, comfort and security before he left this earth. I know he'll be first in line waiting to jump in your arms the next time you two see each other.
"When a child loves you for a long, long time...REALLY loves you, then you become Real." " Does it hurt?"
"Sometimes..When you are Real you don't mind being hurt."

Words I live by from "Velveteen Rabbit"
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