I've lost Mini, but thank you for the help

For help and support with the passing of a pet. Sometimes we feel very alone. We're not alone.
sundevil67
Posts: 19
Joined: Wed Feb 04, 2009 2:01 pm

I've lost Mini, but thank you for the help

Post by sundevil67 »

Hello everyone,
I just wanted to drop a note to say thank you to all of the helpful and caring people in this community that offered suggestions and advice over the years. I had Mini for 15 years, seeing him through 8 years of Diabetes, Cancer, surgeries, and finally a full leg amputation. On August 18, I finally had to let him go, since his kidneys began to fail and he quickly became very sick. Even though it was the right decision to make, I had always hoped I wouldn't have to make it....but he was such a tough cat, I knew in my heart that he wouldn't go quietly. Even at 15, age wasn't really slowing him down, so in spite of all of his medical issues over the years, it was still a big shock. I sought a lot of advice about amputating his leg after a surgery-gone-wrong, and it turned out to be the right thing to do. Even though he was overweight, he adapted pretty well to life with 3 legs. It took me about 6-7 weeks before i could write about it without breaking down sobbing, but it has gotten a little better with time. I was overwhelmed with the grief at first, and continue to miss him terribly. Everyone says their cat is special, but this guy truly was. Anyway, thanks again for the support.

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Christine
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Location: Sautee Nacoochee, GA

Re: I've lost Mini, but thank you for the help

Post by Christine »

I am sorry your beautiful Mini had to leave you..you can see how well loved he was. Take care.
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Christine... and Bailey, playing at the Bridge
?/1999 - 10/25/08
janew
Posts: 157
Joined: Mon Feb 15, 2010 5:36 pm

Re: I've lost Mini, but thank you for the help

Post by janew »

You certainly stood by that special boy, I am so sorry you lost him. I think it hurts more, if that is possible, to lose the ones you fight so hard for, they become woven into the fabric of your life. Nearly 10 years afer losing my Finney cat, that needed bladder expressing for the 13 years, I was gifted with him...I still automatically think, if I am asked to go to a function, Nope, won't fit Finney's schedule...still would rather go home to him than go to a function.
I hope you gift another kitty with the good life...
So sorry for you & glad Mini had you, you did your all for him.
jane
sundevil67
Posts: 19
Joined: Wed Feb 04, 2009 2:01 pm

Re: I've lost Mini, but thank you for the help

Post by sundevil67 »

Thanks again for the kind thoughts...while I don't feel so depressed anymore, I still miss him terribly at various times throughout each day. I am not sure if that will ever go away. I'm still not ready for another pet, but have decided to volunteer at the local rescue organization. It worries me a little though....hopefully I won't come home with several new pets at once. I was down in Mexico last weekend and six starving homeless dogs (3 puppies) spent the weekend at our campsite. It was heartbreaking, so I don't know how well I will do as a volunteer. I think you might be right about the more care these animals require, the stronger the bond seems to be. His vet made a donation in his name to a charity that funds research for various rare feline diseases....a nice gesture.
sundevil67
Posts: 19
Joined: Wed Feb 04, 2009 2:01 pm

Adopting a new cat - when is it time?

Post by sundevil67 »

Hey All,
I'm writing today because I've made a commitment to adopt a new cat. I have been volunteering at a rescue organization pretty much since I lost Mini, figuring it might be a little therapeutic. Anyway, I struggled mightily with the decision. It has been nearly 6 months, and while I still miss Mini every day, I don't think that is going to change, and I have been feeling like I miss having a cat around. I have never actually made the decision to go out and get my own pet. Mini just showed up one day, and decided he was my cat. That is how I felt at the rescue place when this new cat came up to me. It seemed like the right choice. Now to my point. I went into the garage this morning to get a litter box and happened upon some of my old cat's things. I broke down and began sobbing like I had the first week I lost him. Now I am wondering if I am really ready. How do I really know? After throwing away the huge folders full of veterinary bills, remembering how difficult it was (financially and emotionally) to go through all of that with Mini...it is scary to imagine the possibility of dealing with that again. Of course I have no reason to believe this new guy wouldn't be very healthy, but still...Any advice?
Christine
Moderator
Posts: 4089
Joined: Wed Mar 01, 2006 3:50 pm
Location: Sautee Nacoochee, GA

Re: I've lost Mini, but thank you for the help

Post by Christine »

I lost my Bailey in October of 2008 and I still breakdown at the most unexpected times - when they are such a huge part of your life, especially when you nursed them, that is a bond that will never be broken or replaced. Our beloved pets would want us to shower that love on another one in their honor and the fact that a cat "picked you" was no accident. Finding Mini's things again was also no accident. I truly believe it is a sign from him that this is right. This new little one will help you remember all the good times you and Mini shared and also help bring you some peace about his passing.
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Christine... and Bailey, playing at the Bridge
?/1999 - 10/25/08
janew
Posts: 157
Joined: Mon Feb 15, 2010 5:36 pm

Re: I've lost Mini, but thank you for the help

Post by janew »

I'm with Christine on this...for all her reasons. I can understand your fears of losing another or financial / emotional concerns if the new baby has troubles. We all go through that, it's life, no guarntees but if we do not risk opening our homes & hearts to pets they never get to have a happy life or know love. Even if you only have them a day, an hour, they can leave this earth knowing a kind word & touch & have someone grieve & remember them. What could be sadder than being born, never know a kindness & have nobody think of you when you pass.
I hope you open your home & heart to this special kitty & give him / her their time to shine for whatever time they are granted...It is not a Mini replacement but a gift to another in Mini's memory. It's sooooo hard to lose them but if we don't endure it, something dies never knowing a kindness...
jane
sundevil67
Posts: 19
Joined: Wed Feb 04, 2009 2:01 pm

Re: I've lost Mini, but thank you for the help

Post by sundevil67 »

Thanks so much for your insight everyone. I can't help but feel like if I was really ready, I wouldn't be so sad/nervous....I'd be more excited. Maybe it is just part of my personality. Partially I think it is the responsibility I fear...but only because my last cat was such a gigantic responsibility, I forget what it is like to have a healthy animal...and am having a hard time thinking about all of the happiness I am missing out on by not having a pet. Sigh....this should be easier.
sundevil67
Posts: 19
Joined: Wed Feb 04, 2009 2:01 pm

Re: I've lost Mini, but thank you for the help

Post by sundevil67 »

This past Thursday marks a full year since I lost Mini, and felt like posting an update. My new cat is wonderful - providing lots of entertainment. He is gigantic, athletic, and strong. As fond of him as I am, his presence hasn't made me miss my old friend any less. While it has gotten a little easier with the passage of time, a day doesn't go by without thinking of him and getting a lump in my throat. I recognize the powerful bond I had with this animal, and certainly understand that it takes time to grieve. I am not an overly macho nor am I extra sensitive ... but am starting to feel like it is strange for me to continue to feel this way a year later. I still can't talk about him with anyone for more than a few moments without getting emotional. I keep wondering if there isn't some other type of psychological problem that is extending this process. Any thoughts?
Christine
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Location: Sautee Nacoochee, GA

Re: I've lost Mini, but thank you for the help

Post by Christine »

There is nothing wrong with you....you just had the good fortune to bond with a special soul who happened to have fur and four legs. Mini is smiling down at you and so pleased that you opened your heart to another cat. Don't ever second guess yourself for having a full heart and special feelings. Those feelings are never going to go away, but with time (and there is no magic timeline when it comes to grieving) your happy and fun memories will soften the hurt and replace the sadness. Three years later, I am still working on that. We would love to see a picture of your newest family member if you care to share it. Please take care.
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Christine... and Bailey, playing at the Bridge
?/1999 - 10/25/08
sundevil67
Posts: 19
Joined: Wed Feb 04, 2009 2:01 pm

Re: I've lost Mini, but thank you for the help

Post by sundevil67 »

Thanks for the encouragement, Christine. I don't know, I guess I feel kind of strange because it is sort of rare for someone of my age/gender to be in this type of situation. Those around me found it quite peculiar to hear me drop whatever I was doing to go home to administer insulin to my diabetic cat. I am not inherently a 'cat person' either....if given the choice, I'd probably have a dog, but just know that I don't have the time or space for that right now. I had cats & dogs growing up, and even had Mini's mom for a while...but as much as I loved those other animals, there was an almost spooky connection with this cat that. A sort of telepathic understanding (now I am really sounding crazy) that I have experienced maybe one other time with a human. Aside from the larger-than-life personality, he placed this trust in me that I didn't know an animal was capable of, and communicated in a way I didn't think cats could. When he had a botched surgery that left him with a wounded leg that required a bandage change every other day...it took 3 or 4 hospital employees to attempt this without getting hurt, yet I could do it without a peep, even though I know he must have been in terrible pain. He took a needle from me 2x per day for 8 years without a complaint. The way he cried actual tears when I left him at a boarding facility for the last time during an extended trip, just 2 weeks before he died...as if he was worried I wouldn't see him again. He had cheated death so many times before that I stopped worrying about it and really thought I'd convinced myself that he had a good run and I should be happy with the time I had...but with all of the pain, tragedy, stress, etc. that I've gone through in this life...more than my fair share...this somehow cuts the deepest.

Anyway, here are a couple of shots of the new guy. Thanks for listening/reading my ramblings. I'm just prattling on now for my own therapy, but maybe it'll help.

The second one is kind of gross, but I love the expression on his face.

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Christine
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Posts: 4089
Joined: Wed Mar 01, 2006 3:50 pm
Location: Sautee Nacoochee, GA

Re: I've lost Mini, but thank you for the help

Post by Christine »

hahahah...he looks like he is saying "do yoooooou mind???" Come back here whenever you feel the need to ramble and talk it out...that's what we all do! ...And it does help.
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Christine... and Bailey, playing at the Bridge
?/1999 - 10/25/08
sundevil67
Posts: 19
Joined: Wed Feb 04, 2009 2:01 pm

Re: I've lost Mini, but thank you for the help

Post by sundevil67 »

So here I am again. It's been four weeks now and I still can't even believe it. This beautiful, unique animal who was with me just long enough to become part of my family, is now gone. I was a nervous wreck when I decided to bring him home, emotions that seem so silly now. Would I bond with him like I did with Mini…would he have a cool personality…was it too soon after losing Mini, and will I be able to accept him. All of those stupid questions were answered, and although it took several months, I finally allowed the happiness he brought me every day to squeeze out the grief over losing my previous best-pal. All of the silly annoying habits of a young, healthy cat that I wasn’t used to…jumping into the clothes dryer before I turn it on just to see what’s in there…jumping into the pile of clean laundry and knocking everything onto the floor…playing hide and seek with him and laughing at the look of frustration on his face he’d run away and ending up cornering himself…how I taught him to sit and shake hands in exchange for his dinner. I didn’t realize that all of these things made him a teenager…not savvy or aggressive enough to be trusted to roam around on his own. I knew of the danger of predators, and kept him inside overnight, but allowed him to wander the area behind my house during the day. I see cats in my neighborhood all of the time, many strays, that live in the area for years. Yet it’s my boy that ends up wandering into the park and getting himself killed by a coyote. One night he scampered out after dinner before the sun went down and never came home. I was warned by a neighbor that coyotes roamed the park late at night, but somehow I fell asleep that night and didn’t realize he was still out. Because of my negligence, this cat who I’d finally bonded with…strongly, died horribly before he turned 3 years old, or celebrated a single one of those birthdays with me. When he didn’t come home, I roamed the area for days, putting up fliers, posting on craigslist, driving to animal shelters, local vets, and searching every drainage ditch and bush for miles. It was a gut-wrenching experience. I’m the least-religious person you’ll ever meet; yet I actually prayed. I have had several near-death experiences during which I never did that. This was my worst nightmare coming true. During this whole ordeal, I had to fly to NY only a few days later for family and work obligations I couldn’t miss. While there, I hired a pet detective service to bring a team of search dogs over to pick up his scent. They led my friends to a carcass. It wasn’t 100% identifiable, but the circumstantial evidence was mounting. Needless to say, the whole experience by this point had strained family relationships and definitely caused some missed opportunities at work. I was less than sociable. I returned home early, and I wanted to be sure, so I even mailed the hair samples to a lab to have them compared microscopically. I found out the other night the results of that test were positive. Over the last several days, I have gotten 3 separate calls from people claiming to have found him, though of course all that did was make me feel worse. I think tomorrow I have to drive around the area and remove the last few fliers that are still posted. I notified the rescue organization I volunteer with early on to see if any of their resources could help find him. I am getting the distinct impression that they are pissed at me for allowing him to go outside, against their wishes. I just couldn’t keep this cat locked up – he was a hunter and needed the exercise. I was determined to keep him slender and healthy. Yet I was not responsible enough to make sure he was in at night, and the guilt is unbearable. I had been teetering on the edge of a pretty serious clinical depression before this happened, and this animal was the only thing I could count on to consistently bring joy into my life. Now I am a complete mess, but am resisting prescription medication and am hoping there is some other way to recover from this. Bringing home another animal is out of the question, and I’ve stopped volunteering as well. I don’t even want to be tempted to bring another one home. It sounds crazy to say it out loud (or write it), but those last few days before I lost him, there were all of these weird signs. Like the cat I saw out near the park while I was out on my bike…I followed him for a while and told myself that if that were Chachi, I would never let him out again. It wasn’t him, and I continued believing that he never wandered outside of the neighborhood. The day I lost him, I went to visit him on the beanbag chair where he took his afternoon naps, like I did every day at lunch…and remember having trouble petting him because of all of the static electricity. It seemed to bother him, but not enough to want me to stop, and rolled over so I could scratch his belly. Then I touched my face to his and told him I loved him. Out loud. I’d never done that before and kind of surprised myself that I had, and it seemed kind of weird. It is almost like the universe waited until just enough time had passed for me to have attached myself to this creature so that he could be taken just at the point where the pain of losing him would be greatest. I’ve lost people close to me that haven’t impacted me in this way. My health is failing, and I’ve already been hospitalized once. Now I am fighting an aggressive flu. I am just completely swallowed up by the guilt and grief and even though I can function for the most part, the second I am not 100% busy, it comes back and hits me like a brick. I’m not expecting anyone to actually read this whole thing, but someone told me it might help if I wrote some of this down. It’s hard to lean on friends and family, because it is like they just went through this with me. Most don’t get it anyway. Doctors just want to drug me. Thanks for the outlet.
janew
Posts: 157
Joined: Mon Feb 15, 2010 5:36 pm

Re: I've lost Mini, but thank you for the help

Post by janew »

You need to stop beating yourself up, it was an accident not negligance, many people let their cats out believing it safe, you thought he was in for the night, what you considered 'unsafe' out time, that is an ACCIDENT, not, you are a horrible caregiver.I had the same thing happen 12 yrs ago to my Wallace, a big, healthy, special, tabby...he insisted on going out or he would go over & beat up on his blind 'brother' till I let him out during the day...one day he was not waiting on the porch when I came home, I did the adds & searching, he most likely ended up like your boy. I am still haunted by his disappearence. I built a a 'cattery', a strong wire, large, out door enclosure for my cats that insist on out door time.
I still feel like you gave this cat the same 'golden time' you gave Mini...unfortunaly it was shorter, but really how much time did he have if you had not opened your home & heart to him, stuck in a cage with no one to make him special & loved, there is life & quality of life, he had quality for his time.
Now, you know you need a safe enclosure outside to give another cat a golden time, if you feel that kitty needs outdoor time to feel good mentally & physically, many folks think they need their 'outdoor time' to be happy, you are not negligant. You can build something off a window to make it easy to come & go...giving another kitty a home will help you heal & give that kitty a life, so many have no chance to experience a real home...I know you have and are having a real hard time but you are still a great loving home that can gift a homeless / hopeless with a loving, great home...
jane
sundevil67
Posts: 19
Joined: Wed Feb 04, 2009 2:01 pm

Re: I've lost Mini, but thank you for the help

Post by sundevil67 »

Thanks for the reply Janew. I appreciate the support. I'm trying really hard not to shoulder the blame, but it's tough. I am having a very tough time with the fact that he was so young, and I only had him for such a short time. Not to sound like a child, but it just seems so unfair....and the 'golden time' was just not long enough. I quit my volunteer post, and just can't be around homeless animals anymore. I feel like this just broke me. I am unlikely to get another animal for a very long time. However every night when I am home by myself, not having him here is just awful. I guess time will tell.
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