How to tell the kids...

[KCMama1985]

Our dog, Winnie, is getting older and we realize that she doesn't have much time left. I'm not sure how to handle telling our kids (5 and 7) about her when she dies. Is this something that we should talk about with them now or should we wait until she passes away to talk to them about it? Would getting a second dog now help alleviate the pain? I'm just not even sure where we should start with this...thanks in advance for your help and responses.

[IncuKahlan]

I know how it can be when you lose a pet who has been with you a long time. Our family recently lost one of our dogs, Dante, a rottweiler that made it to 16 years! All of the kids basically grew up with him. He developed a tumor in his mouth and he did his best until it just got too big that he couldn't eat. It was a process that took around 5 months. He was too old to make it through surgery, and there was basically nothing we could do except keep him comfortable, go through antibiotics, and mouth cleansings, and special foods, and everything. Fortunately we had time for our kids to realize what was going on and what to expect. Our youngest is 6 and because we have so many other animals, basically a zoo at home he was able to take it alright.
I personally believe that it's important for children to know what's going on, and to tell them what to expect at some point. For our family the approach to ease such things for our 6 yr old was to ensure him that the animal was going to heaven and would be having a much funner time there than here. The first animal death that your child experiences will always be somewhat tough, but it will be a lot easier emotionally if they know that it's coming at some point. I don't believe getting another dog right now would help anything, but now would be a good time to let the kids in on the possibility that the dog will pass at some point. However you want to explain it, and whatever your beliefs may be, as long as they have some sort of idea of what to expect, it will help. If you wait until after the dog is gone, it may come as more of a shock, and confusion will settle in. If they know ahead of time maybe they can appreciate time with the dog more now, being young it can be confusing depending on how much they already know about death, but they understand a lot more than what we think they do. I hope that you are able to come to a confident decision that you feel comfortable with, and I wish you luck with you and your family.

[CarolC]

I agree with IncuKahlan. I would assume that at least with the 7-year old there is some awareness already and it is good to gently discuss it, even if not in depth. I think books are a good way to bring up the subject. There are many good children's books about the death of a pet, written for small children, and they are not silly, they are realistic. You could check with your public library.

My very, very favorite is called Heaven, by Nicholas Allan.
http://www.amazon.com/Heaven-Nicholas-A ... 789&sr=8-1

Here is a list of some others.

http://www.squidoo.com/picture-books-ab ... h-of-a-pet

http://childrensbooks.about.com/od/them ... tdeath.htm

The best thing is probably to go to the library and ask the children's librarian to help you locate what they have on their shelf. If your library has an online catalog you can search from home under Pets -- Death -- Juvenile fiction, however a lot of the good books on this subject may not be full cataloged with that subject heading so you kind of have to know, which is why it's good to ask someone familiar with them. If you have a system of branch libraries they can probably transfer more titles to your local branch for you to check out, if they don't have all of them in stock at your local branch. All of this is free. Then you can read the books in advance and decide which ones you like.