Beth T - I am so so very sorry about Speck - what a beautiful, gentle little soul. You did the right thing, my friend - don't second guess yourself. I did and I still do today.
When Rudy died - someone sent me a poem and I want to send you just the last line of it in hopes that it will comfort you just a bit, as you comforted me when I lost him....
...and my friend when I no longer enjoy good health, hearing and sight, do not make heroic efforts to keep me going. I am not having any fun. Please see to it that my life is taken gently. I shall leave this earth knowing that with the last breath I draw that my fate was always safest in your hands.
...and now we are both crying. Maybe Rudy and Speck will become friends in heaven or beyond the Rainbow Bridge or whever beautiful souls like theirs go when they leave us.
Other: Speck did not make it *PIC*
Re: Other: Speck did not make it
Hi Barbara!
It is so nice to see your name again. Thank you so much for the lovely words. And yes, I was crying when I read those lines of the poem. Oh it is so hard. Don't say that you don't have anything to contribute to this board. Because you just did. You touched someone who just lost a beloved pet and you know what it feels like. So I think you have a lot to offer. That is so sweet that your husband comes to the board to see Rudy. Isn't it amazing how long it takes to heal after they are gone? I feel like I am in a fog. Every now and then it starts to lift but then it covers me again. I don't second guess the amputation, with this kind of cancer it was the only way to save her. What I second guess is my reaction time to how quickly I got Speck back to the vet. I can't help to wonder what if I got her back a few hours earlier. Would she have made it. It is so sad. Thank you so much for posting to me and I hope you are sticking around. BethT
It is so nice to see your name again. Thank you so much for the lovely words. And yes, I was crying when I read those lines of the poem. Oh it is so hard. Don't say that you don't have anything to contribute to this board. Because you just did. You touched someone who just lost a beloved pet and you know what it feels like. So I think you have a lot to offer. That is so sweet that your husband comes to the board to see Rudy. Isn't it amazing how long it takes to heal after they are gone? I feel like I am in a fog. Every now and then it starts to lift but then it covers me again. I don't second guess the amputation, with this kind of cancer it was the only way to save her. What I second guess is my reaction time to how quickly I got Speck back to the vet. I can't help to wonder what if I got her back a few hours earlier. Would she have made it. It is so sad. Thank you so much for posting to me and I hope you are sticking around. BethT
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Barbara O
Re: Other: Speck did not make it
I understand what you mean when you say you feel like you are in a fog. It's surreal that she's really gone - I felt - I still feel - sometimes like it was an honor and a privilege bestowed on us for some unknown reason to have had the pleasure of caring for such a majestic and wonderful creature, - justifying the fog. Almost like a "pre-angel" aura. Eerie, huh? Unconditionl love at it's finest.
Right after Rudy died, I swore I could hear him bark for me, early in the morning, letting me know it was time to get his pan to pee in ready. I still can't sleep in the room where he and I slept together - it makes me cry, as there are too many memories there, good and bad. We had an addition being built on our house while Rudy was sick that I refused to move into because he couldn't move into it - he couldn't walk or do steps and I wasn't moving in without him - so when he was gone, we moved our bedroom to the new bedroom in the addition.
I know things are hard right now for you and you have given this advise yourself and you know things will get easier, well, things will be different - but I hope you can find some comfort in knowing that perhaps, since Speck did have cancer and perhaps since she might have gotten worse in the coming days and months, didn't you maybe spare her the pain and suffering she may have had to go through in the coming weeks or months that she would have never wanted to go through or have you and yours see her go through? Just a speculation on my part - having had gone through the same process myself a few months ago with my baby. She's at peace, are we?
We had Rudy cremated and his cremains have a place of honor, along with his collar, toys, pictures and cards and letters from friends when he passed, in a special place in our home. Ken got me a gold locket with a real 4-leaf clover set in mother-of pearl on the face and our neighbor Allen, who is a funeral director, transferred a small portion of Rudy's cremains into the locket for me and I wear it all the time. Rudy and I used to look for 4-leaf clovers together when we would go on our walks. In fact, Beth, I am thinking of writing a children's book perhaps themed around Rudy and 4 leaf clovers, if I can muster up the courage and set my emotions aside to do it. One of my best friends suggested that since I seem to have a flair for writing, I should do this in memory of Rudy. Another best friend has agreed to illustrate it. I'm thinking about it.
Speck was a beautiful little kitty. You'll always love her, you'll always miss her and you'll never replace her. She'll always hold a place in your heart. That's a whole lot of love and you ought to be proud that you had all that love to give. You did everything and more for her - she knew that. There's no need for you to stop crying, why should you? You lost one of the loves of you life! Bawl your eyes out for as long as you want! No one can tell you how long or how you should grieve - ####, I'm still crying for Rudy. It takes NOTHING at all to set me off. I do know that I can't have another dog. I can't go through the loss again. I am trying to get over it and I am loving the heck out of my friends' critters - it's just not the same. Maybe someday if a beautiful black and tan doberman walks into my life....or should I say walks BACK into my life...
Take care Beth T. Speck still loves you.
Right after Rudy died, I swore I could hear him bark for me, early in the morning, letting me know it was time to get his pan to pee in ready. I still can't sleep in the room where he and I slept together - it makes me cry, as there are too many memories there, good and bad. We had an addition being built on our house while Rudy was sick that I refused to move into because he couldn't move into it - he couldn't walk or do steps and I wasn't moving in without him - so when he was gone, we moved our bedroom to the new bedroom in the addition.
I know things are hard right now for you and you have given this advise yourself and you know things will get easier, well, things will be different - but I hope you can find some comfort in knowing that perhaps, since Speck did have cancer and perhaps since she might have gotten worse in the coming days and months, didn't you maybe spare her the pain and suffering she may have had to go through in the coming weeks or months that she would have never wanted to go through or have you and yours see her go through? Just a speculation on my part - having had gone through the same process myself a few months ago with my baby. She's at peace, are we?
We had Rudy cremated and his cremains have a place of honor, along with his collar, toys, pictures and cards and letters from friends when he passed, in a special place in our home. Ken got me a gold locket with a real 4-leaf clover set in mother-of pearl on the face and our neighbor Allen, who is a funeral director, transferred a small portion of Rudy's cremains into the locket for me and I wear it all the time. Rudy and I used to look for 4-leaf clovers together when we would go on our walks. In fact, Beth, I am thinking of writing a children's book perhaps themed around Rudy and 4 leaf clovers, if I can muster up the courage and set my emotions aside to do it. One of my best friends suggested that since I seem to have a flair for writing, I should do this in memory of Rudy. Another best friend has agreed to illustrate it. I'm thinking about it.
Speck was a beautiful little kitty. You'll always love her, you'll always miss her and you'll never replace her. She'll always hold a place in your heart. That's a whole lot of love and you ought to be proud that you had all that love to give. You did everything and more for her - she knew that. There's no need for you to stop crying, why should you? You lost one of the loves of you life! Bawl your eyes out for as long as you want! No one can tell you how long or how you should grieve - ####, I'm still crying for Rudy. It takes NOTHING at all to set me off. I do know that I can't have another dog. I can't go through the loss again. I am trying to get over it and I am loving the heck out of my friends' critters - it's just not the same. Maybe someday if a beautiful black and tan doberman walks into my life....or should I say walks BACK into my life...
Take care Beth T. Speck still loves you.
Re: Other: Speck did not make it *PIC*
Beth,
I am so sorry to hear about Speck. I haven't been online since July 14th, so I was unaware.
I was thinking the other day that the only problem with having pets is that we outlive them. I am turning 40 in September. I have convinced my husband that we don't need human children, we have furry children. Since you have lost a child, you should take all the time you need to grieve. Grief is the outcome of a great love between two spirits, as well as two big hearts. When the time is right, Speck will send you another child your way, since you were such a good mom.
When I met my husband, he had two cats. One was fat, white, and mean (rotten Cotton) and the other was a sweet, brown tabby(Tigi). I loved Tigi for seven years till she died of brain cancer in October of 1999. We had several cats at the same time, but I cried and cried for days about Tigi. I haven't thought of Tigi in awhile, probably because my other cats are always getting into trouble. I thought of her several times during the 4th of July weekend. I still miss her silent meow and her sweetness even though we still have several cats. On July 5th the spitting image of Tigi arrived in my back yard missing a front paw. She is the cat you have been giving me advice about. I think Tigi sent her.
On Wednesdays, Montel Williams usually has Sylvia Browne, a world renowned psychic, as a guest. She spends the whole hour answering guest's questions. She sometimes mentions a pet waiting with loved ones on the other side. She has also written a book about animals. She explains that all animals go to the other side, except insects and that there is no such thing as an accident. Your library may have a copy.
There is no such thing as an accident, it is all planned. You didn't do anything wrong. Speck is watching over you and will be waiting for you when it is your time. Speck wants you to remember and focus on all the good times you have had in the past.
Praying for both of you,
Chantal
I am so sorry to hear about Speck. I haven't been online since July 14th, so I was unaware.
I was thinking the other day that the only problem with having pets is that we outlive them. I am turning 40 in September. I have convinced my husband that we don't need human children, we have furry children. Since you have lost a child, you should take all the time you need to grieve. Grief is the outcome of a great love between two spirits, as well as two big hearts. When the time is right, Speck will send you another child your way, since you were such a good mom.
When I met my husband, he had two cats. One was fat, white, and mean (rotten Cotton) and the other was a sweet, brown tabby(Tigi). I loved Tigi for seven years till she died of brain cancer in October of 1999. We had several cats at the same time, but I cried and cried for days about Tigi. I haven't thought of Tigi in awhile, probably because my other cats are always getting into trouble. I thought of her several times during the 4th of July weekend. I still miss her silent meow and her sweetness even though we still have several cats. On July 5th the spitting image of Tigi arrived in my back yard missing a front paw. She is the cat you have been giving me advice about. I think Tigi sent her.
On Wednesdays, Montel Williams usually has Sylvia Browne, a world renowned psychic, as a guest. She spends the whole hour answering guest's questions. She sometimes mentions a pet waiting with loved ones on the other side. She has also written a book about animals. She explains that all animals go to the other side, except insects and that there is no such thing as an accident. Your library may have a copy.
There is no such thing as an accident, it is all planned. You didn't do anything wrong. Speck is watching over you and will be waiting for you when it is your time. Speck wants you to remember and focus on all the good times you have had in the past.
Praying for both of you,
Chantal
Re: Other: Speck did not make it *PIC*
Thank you Chantal. Your words were very comforting. How is your little kitty doing? Beth