battle scars are getting to me

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battle scars are getting to me

Post by BendyMom » Sat Jun 22, 2019 6:41 pm

the past few years have been very difficult for me. I have lot a LOT of my kitties, some i knew were failing, others were a total surprise. last year I lost 7 kitties, the two years before were similar if not worse. This year, so far, I have lost two. Tommy Chestnut, my little spark of happiness, born with deformed back legs and one undersized kidney. He was with me for four years. I still can't believe he is gone. Then just the beginning of this week I lost Bartholomew, a total surprise. he had the very beginnings of renal failure last year, that was our only warning. it escalated fast and had a very rare complication of a bleeding disorder.
he was only 12.

Last August when a tiny spina bifida kitten passed away despite monumental efforts to keep his happy little self going I was absolutely crushed, far harder than I had ever been. I looked at the head vet and said "I don't want to rescue cats anymore." he gave me a hug and said to give it time. Indeed, it finally came back but it isn't the same. I have taken more cats in, but I no longer look at each case with the same intensity, the same drive that I must do all I can. I just don't have the emotional wherewithall to invest anymore. Without any of the bendy clan here the house is so strange.

In May some rescue friends of mine, seeing how low I was after losing Tommy, brought me a tiny 9 ounce kitten with thumbs. Her name is Thera. She is a joy, and I certainly needed a pickmeup. A healthy kitten for a change, and I hope she stays that way. I still have a houseful because of course they never stop coming entirely. After sweet Butterbean passed in January of 18 two girls came to me with dislocated hips, bowed femurs, and dislocated knees. I call them the collapsable girls. I have Shripmie with two and a half legs and a myrid of gut issues. I have two manx syndrome girls Penelope and Hopper. and there are others.

I am trying to take a little time for myself this year, little weekend trips here and there, but its hard when you work in some capactiy 7 days a week. This is a rare weekend with no work.

I honestly don't think I ever really recovered from losing my Bendy. Losing Butterbean was so traumatic that I still rethink it at least once a day. Every loss brings back memories of all the losses before. I try to focus on the happy times we had, but it is so so so very hard.


Bendy Kitty
forever in my heart
always missed
i am not the same without you.

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Re: battle scars are getting to me

Post by critters » Sun Jun 23, 2019 5:15 am

Yeah, it is, and it's weird how they seem to go in bunches like bananas. Some of them just get to you, or in you... :cry: I'm sorry for your losses.

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Re: battle scars are getting to me

Post by CarolC » Sun Jun 23, 2019 4:04 pm

I am glad you got one weekend off with no work.
I do not believe time heals all wounds. Maybe for s-o-m-e people. No, I don't envy them.
Losing too many in one year or successive years would be shell shock.
I have some where if they are quite old and I have no guilt and they go happy, I can accept it because I know we did as well as we could and this is what we were trying to do. But those are not the ones I am closest to.
The only good thing about losing one that really found their way into your heart is, it would have been worse for them if you had gone first, but instead they were spared being where you are at now.
We are still family, whoever goes first. ... -are-seven

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