A Hard Decision To Make

[Pam (Riley's mom)]

Riley is eleven years old now. A few weeks ago I took him to his vet because he wasn't having bowel movements as usual and has been impacted in the past. An x-ray showed nothing out of the ordinary and I was told to give him more milk. This helped but ten days later he threw up his dinner and his stomach continued to experience very hard heaving an hour later so I took him to the urgent care vet that is connected to his regular vet. He took blood to test for pancreatitis (tests showed likely pancreatitis) and took an x-ray. The x-ray showed his internal organs were enlarged and a large tumor in the abdominal area, perhaps involving the liver. The vet was amazed and a little confused as to how a tumor this large could appear in ten days. Two days later his regular vet did an ultrasound and told me he thinks the tumor can be removed by him or a traveling surgeon who visits. He says he won't really know what's going on until he opens him up. He aspirated the tumor and did not find cancer cells but cautioned me that there may still be cancer involved. Since the ultrasound, Riley has had some trouble with his back legs (not as strong as usual) and sleeps more than usual. He has not had his pain meds as the doctor believes they may interact with the tumor. He is on meds for reflux and a possible ulcer.
As some of you know, Riley is incontinent and has a history of urinary crystals that do not show up in testing but once under anethesia they release and block his urethra. He has spina bifida and takes rimadyl to aleviate the pain associated with the part of his spine involved. He nearly died after having his teeth cleaned and was hooked to I.V.'s and a catheter for a week while the crystals slowly dissolved. The vet told me then that fortunately the crystals were small enough to get through the catheter or he would have needed surgery.
I mentioned this to his vet when he recommended surgery to remove this new tumor and he told me it's my decision but he's willing to try. Riley also has a small tumor flap in his mouth which needs to be removed at his next teeth cleaning. I have been afraid to schedule this because of what happened last time. I'm not sure what to do. Based on history, his vet isn't really good at predicting possible complications with Riley. My sister thinks I should let Riley live out his life and when he becomes uncomfortable to have a vet come to my home and gently put him to sleep. She thinks it's unkind to him to put him through the surgery and the hospital time at his age, knowing that his health issues can complicate recovery and can flare up at anytime in the future. I would really like to hear the opinions of those of you who have had to make this decision and how you feel about it in hindsight. Thank you. Pam

[GabrielDeafBlindPupFamily]

Pam, I have no exp. with canine tumors, but wantd to tell you my heart is with you. Whatever strength and courage you need, you can call on us. I hope someone will weigh in but a lot of cancers are discussed in the Amputation forum, which of course doesn't apply to Riley, but options and treatments are weighed in there. Hopefully someone who has this exp. will weigh in shortly. I am so sorry for this Dx. So sorry for what your family & Riley are going through.

At some point we all have to make THE decision, if we are lucky enough to have our dogs live long enough. 11 for a small dog like Riley isn't quite as old as say 11 in a labmix named Ambrr who tops out at 90#. But I would fight for my nanadog too. I'm guessing a lot of folks don't understand that love that we share with our pups and they don't understand there are options out there. We don't have "just a dog" we have our four-legged children. You have to make this decision by yourself based on quality issues, I think. Your guy is so important to you that you will make the right decision, after hearing all your optoins.

Hearts to you and Riley.

[CarolC]

Pam, I don't know and I'm sorry to hear that. If it's growing fast and you let it go, it sounds like it would only be a little time. If he can't take his meds, it sounds like his walking and comfort level are affected, though maybe there is another med he could take. Either the crowding from the tumor or some metabolic issue is affecting his appetite, so that also makes it appear the time left would not have much quality. Did they say what would cause the internal organs to be enlarged? The crystals are an unknown, they may be a problem, you can hope they don't happen or they are once again small enough to dissolve or that hospitalization is shorter. Surgery plus a week in the hospital would be a large vet bill and now is not a good time for large bills for many of us.

I have a cat with a vaccine sarcoma that we elected not to treat after a $500 trip to a specialist because the cat is 17 (very old) and immune compromised and there is no longer a cancer specialist here to do the kind of treatment that would be needed following surgery. He has had several months of enjoying fairly normal life only now he is walking more slowly. I am afraid we may to have to at least debulk it just so he can walk soon, which may precipitate the immune crisis we wanted to avoid. I had another cat that developed mammary cancer. She was immune compromised but mammary cancer is very serious in cats so we did surgery. She survived and seemed to be OK but a couple of months later she went into full blown AIDS and before long had little quality of life. At the time I was thinking she has no chance if we don't do surgery, she has a better chance if we do. In that case if we had done nothing, she probably would have had more months of quality life before falling ill due to the cancer (since surgery only gained us about 3 months of normal health after recovery), but with Riley I think you are already approaching a quality of life issue. You will feel awful if you do surgery and he does not do well following the surgery and the result is the same as if you had done nothing. If you do nothing, it sounds like only a little time and feeling poorly. If they do surgery and it turns out to be cancer, you may face extended treatments, I guess you want to think whether you could/would pursue them. I would ask myself if there is some general lowering of his immunity that has allowed the tumor to grow, and would another occur if you got this one. Also if he is overall a good candidate for surgery with enlarged organs and possible liver problems. I wish you well whatever you decide, I'm sorry. We take good care of our pets and things like this are more likely to come with aging. I don't think there is a clear right choice. I might do the surgery if his spirit is strong, I'm not sure he'll feel a lot worse following surgery than he is going to feel soon because of the tumor progressing... I kind of have the philosophy of the old pioneer who sat down beneath the tree on the westward trail and died facing west.

[puremutt]

that is an incredible hard decision..
in the end , I think, you have to follow your feelings and instinct.
we don't know the outcome of the surgery.
spent some alone time and try to get your dogs feelings towards you, look in his eyes, see if he wants to tell you something.
Don't know what to tell you, we hope and pray and wish you all the best.

[connie]

i believe you will know when it is that time. but even knowing does not make it easier. my heart breaks for you both, i been there myself , the hurt is a contance pain still. but know that your in our prayers and we all care.
please give big hug from me to your fur child. and a hug goes to you too, we're here for you.
hugs, connie & cricket

[Pam (Riley's mom)]

Hi Everyone,

Riley's tumor became so large it was pushing on his pacreas and he was in terrible pain so we sent him to heaven today. I miss him so much but I know his spirit and mine will be together forever and that is what consoles me. When your life has revolved around a little one so much it leaves so many empty spaces in your life. He was the best friend and child I could ever have been blessed with and I thank God that he gave my little Riley to me.

Love,
Pam

[CarolC]

Oh, Pam.

[Pam (Riley's mom)]

Thank you Carol. I wanted to tell you a little story about this afternoon. After Riley passed I sat in the back seat of the car with him and my sister drove us away. I was crying and my sister told me she kept seeing this vision in front of her of Riley running in a meadow and he was looking right at her with his happy face and he wasn't wearing his pants and that he looked really happy. I told her that I had read an article recently that talked about other people who saw their pets that way too after they died. I'm hoping I'll see that vision too because I need to see him again.

[Christine]

Oh Pam, I am so sorry. He is running free and happy right now, but we are here for you while your heart heals.

[jazzybaby]

Pam, I am so sorry for your lose. I know how hard it is lose you best friend. Know that he is always looking down on you and that he is running free and happy with no pain and no illness. He will always be in your heart. God bless you.

[Pam (Riley's mom)]

Do you really believe they are looking down on us? I always believed that until now I don't know. I am scared that there is nothing now; that I will not see him again and I struggle to understand. Why do you believe? Can you help me remember why I did? Thank you.

[GabrielDeafBlindPupFamily]

Pam the hairs on my arms stood up! YOUR RILEY IS WITH YOU! I believe! I so believe! After my Buddy died, I saw him EVERYWHERE! Everywhere. None of the others, but I heard Possum all the time. I heard her growl ALL the time, I heard her jingle jangles of her tags (which would jingle jangle as she obsessively spun, spun spun as her mind completely left her), I would think, before I remembered she was dead, Oh, need to check on Possum! Then reality would slap me. I forgot to take comfort in the fact that she was RIGHT THERE BESIDE US!
I BELIEVE! I am so very sorry for your loss. But Pam, BELIEVE! OMG, BELIEVE! Your baby is right here, can you hear him? Can you feel him? He is right here!

When Sonja Fitzgerald first appeare on teh scene, I was struggling with the loss of my AllixMurderedPup. I mean screaming strugglin for a year. So then when dad died, I had to wear a hard hat because of all the signs he sent me to the point that John Edward put dad's signs in his newsletter. John Edward has seen Sonja. There is something to this. I never got a sign from Allix, from my mom, or from my son. I would have traded 50 years of life for signs from them. Never got them. BUT I GOT SIGNS from Buddy & Possum! I GOT SIGNS AND I BELIEVE! (I have had readings for Andy, and some of them are 'dead' on, but still until he is standing in front of me, I don't have a sign. The harder we love, the harder it is to accept signs, believe that!)

[Christine]

Pam, I have lost two heart dogs in the past 10 years and my eyes well up thinking of each of them. Watson was the first, a black chow I raised from a tiny puppy until he was nine. I was devastated when he was hit by a car and gone in an instant. I thought I would never pull myself together from his loss.

A year after losing him, Bailey came into my life as a stray, out of nowhere. To this day, I feel that she was sent by Watson to help me heal. Losing Bailey after nearly nine years was just as hard, but she went peacefully after a long and brave fight with many issues. The day after she left, I was in a thrift shop with my best friend and saw a little basket of tiny ceramic angels. I picked one up and on the front of it's dress was a name...Bailey. I knew then that she was letting me know that she was okaye.

Not only that, but five months before she passed a lab/chow mix arrived at our house. She was approximately 7 months old and a bundle of energy just wanting love. She immediately showed Bailey tenderness and respect as I helped her in and out of the house as though she knew. My Bailey, who was blind and always afraid of numerous things, never even flinched when Penny came near her and kissed her face.

I posted her picture everywhere, contacted all the vets in the area and finally made arrangements to take her to a no-kill shelter. On the day we were to take her, I just could not do it. Five months later, Bailey went peacefully to the Bridge and I think she felt she left behind a baby sister to take care of us. I do believe that Bailey and Watson are together and I feel the love everyday.

Your heart is so broken right now, it is hard to believe in anything, but, I promise you, there will be beautiful signs to restore your faith. There will come a time when the good, happy and funny memories will replace the ache in your heart and you will smile when you think of him. Holding you close in thought and prayer.

[jazzybaby]

Pam, I just read what you had asked and the reason I believe they are always watch over us is because I had a Yorkie growing up on went blind but lived a long and happy life. I got married and moved out but she was still always there for me when I went home until she started getting sick towards the end of 2004 she was 15 years old and she went down hill very fast she made it till after Christmas but on Jan 9 2005 she could not even get up to go out and go potty my mom called at the vets office I was working at and told me that she thought it was time so I left work and went right over I held her and cried so hard, I had lost other pets hamsters, bunnies and fish but nothing ever felt as hard as it was to put her in the car and take her to the vets one final time. We waited till my dad came home and we went as a family to put her to sleep it was one of the hardest things I have ever had to and to this day I still think of her often. I went home that night and cried and cried to my husband I felt like we had done the wrong and that it was my fault because I had moved out and that my husband and I had even picked out a puppy of our own to get she had been born just before Chrsitmas and we had already sent away a deposit to hold her for when she was ready to be picked up. I told my husband that I was not sure I could get a puppy that I felt like Cricket would be mad or upset with me. And he told me that she would be happy and that no other pet could ever replace her but that still getting our puppy would help me heal. So I did go get my puppy on Feb 12th 2005. My mom gave me all of Crickets toys for Jasmine our new puppy to play with but for the longest time I could bring myself to give them to our cocker spaniel I was so worried that she would chew them up, then one day my mom came over and notice that Jasmine did not have any of the toys she had sent over and I told her my fear and told that Cricket had gotten such joy out of playing with them that she knew she would have wanted my baby to get that same joy. She also told me that Cricket was not mad or sad with me that she had come to her in a dream and told her that she had saw the joy on my face when we picked Jasmine up at the breeders and it was the same joy I had on my face when I was just 7 and got to pick Cricket out from her brothers and sisters and that she would always being watching over me and Jasmine that she would be Jasmine's guardian angel. Well I had never really thought about it anymore until last April when Jasmine became paralyzed late one friday night and had to go in the next morning for surgery on her spinal cord, I was heart broken leaving her at the hospital but my husband told that her knew Cricket was there and watching over her and would make sure that Jasmine was okay. And Jasmine did make it through the surgery she is limited use of her back legs and we have to express her bladder but she is living a happy healthy life and I feel that if I had not losed Cricket when I did that she would not have been able to watch over Jasmine. I also believe that I will get to see Cricket again that she is waiting and playing at the bridge. She can see again and is in no pain. And to this day I still feel her sometimes watching over me and Jasmine. I know how hard it is and know that you have such great memories that can never be taken away. So please believe that they really do go to a better place and that you will see each other again.

[Pam (Riley's mom)]

Thank you to all of you for the replies to my question. They really do help me feel better. I know you have experienced this and gone on to be happy again and it gives me some hope that I might do so too. I felt better when you said your mom saw Cricket in a dream. I have been bothered by the fact that my sister saw a vision of Riley right after he passed but I have not yet seen him. It was so clear she kept talking about it. She said she felt his spirit leave his body. Yesterday when we took his body to be handled I said I was glad he wasn't in pain any more and she said that maybe that explained the kind of surprised look on his face. I asked her what she meant and she said he had his big happy face on but a kind of surprised look on his face and that maybe it was because for the first time in his life he was pain-free. I feel bad that I haven't seen him. She said it's probably because I'm in shock and I hope I see him soon. Also, she has had experiences in the past that were kind of pychic. I try to be grateful and thankful that I was blessed with him and that nothing bad ever happened to him and that I was with him in one of his favorite places when he passed. I'm thankful that God gave me this great gift. This morning I felt I heard him say "Mama, I'm okay" but I know it may have just been my mind trying to comfort me. Right now all I can find comfort in is the hope that we will be together again. Since I believe we experience what we believe I am trying really hard. Thank you all again for your replies; I know it's hard because you experience them again when you share them with others but you all really helped me. I know Riley was special and that God probably just wanted him back in heaven.