not sure what to do now

[tessa]

we clipped and saved some of xena's hair.

xena will also have a movie made of her life.
as soon as i'm strong enough to look at all my footage.

[puremutt]

mickey is my desktop picture.
I have artwork made from him in my kitchen and in my office it hangs on the wall.
I still have his toys and collar and leash, but his scent is not on there anymore....
most of all he is in my heart, and will be forever!

[troopersmommy]

I'm so glad I joined this thread. I was drawn to it because Tessa's plea of "not sure what to do now" felt so familiar. I knew I might be able to help having experienced that terrible sense of loss so many times myself.

What amazed me was the overwhelming response she received from everyone.

When it's my time to grieve again, it's comforting to know that there is a place I can go now, that won't judge or ridicule me because I love my animals so much that it hurts to breathe when they leave me. No odd looks or remarks because I just can't stop crying. Only compassion, understanding, and a whole lotta love.

[tessa]

you will have that, troopersmommy.
it's pretty much guaranteed.
and you'll have it especially from me, for many reasons, not least of which...because you've kept xena's candles going.
that has meant so much to me.

[GabrielDeafBlindPupFamily]

We had two losses today at LWAR-C, one a puppy rescued and had parvo. Another was a heartdog. Agonizing losses. Impossible losses. We all reach into our deepest recesses and we find what helps us survive. I will c&p what my last post was, so I don't have to think any more today about loss. It hurts so much. We understand pain. We are right here beside you every step. I have been so privileged in my loss journies to have this avenue to share and get comfort. I can't tell you how much it has meant to me. I lost my heart dog St.Jude on Janury 4. I was insane 7 years ago to save his life and then I had to make the call, he had to find eternal comfort. The pain is indescribable, when I revisit how insanely I fought to keep him alive. To make that call. My God, I will forever question. I will forever grieve.

This is our latest LWARC loss,just an hourago:

Sandra one update is at our message at :

http://pets.groups.yahoo.com/group/Leth ... sage/12715

That is message 12,715, if you search it in the search messages option. It goes
before that as well. This is such a heartbreaker. A complete heartbreaker.
Karin's Boo is her HeartDog. And a beautiful HeartDog.

I started a thread at www.handicappedpets.net called How Do We Deal With Death.
Searchin for answers and comfort. One tag line on a handicappedpets member is:


When a child loves you for a long, long time...REALLY loves you, then you become
Real." " Does it hurt?"
"Sometimes..When you are Real you don't mind being hurt."
Words I live by from "Velveteen Rabbit"
troopersmommy

The price of love is always always agony. But we would never trade it for a
minute. We never would trade the agony for not knowing the love we adored.
This is who we are and why we are.

I am always crushed when one of us loses a family member, because even though I
lost my only child,a 4 legger is as much a family member as my 2 legger. I
agonize with each loss and I feel their pain. It hurts so very much. It really
does. We have had two losses in one day. This is when we draw the wagons close
in a circle and we huddle to protect one another and comfort one another and
find a way to continue. There IS a tomorrow, I promise. There is. We scream,
yell, hang on to door jambs to stay upright. But we find a legacy in the losses
that not just allows us to continue to breathe in and out, but it MOTIVATES us.
We just have to find the motivation. LWAR-C is mine. And I have ALL OF YOU to
thank for this wonderful gift of giving me my life back. If we reach into our
deepest pain, we will find an avenue to celebrate life. LWAR-C is mine. I think
I can help Karin & Joy find theirs. It may be LWAR-C it may be something else.
But we CAN help them continue on with the work that has been their brilliant
shining star.

We are right here. We know how much it hurts. Cry with us. Lean on us. We are
right here beside you.

[tessa]

oh karen.
i love your heart.
i love YOU.

[GabrielDeafBlindPupFamily]

Tessa, my son was cremated, which he did NOT want, but there was no way I could have him anywhere far from me. I took some ashes on the advice of a POS member, and put them in a locket. I WEAR THAT LOCKET, I touch it, it gives me so much comfort, I cannot describe.

Put your Xena's hair in a locket and wear it around your neck. You wil have her close to your heart every day. You can also put some in a mold to shape in any shape you want.

I happened to catch a jewelry store going out of business and got a beautiful locket for a fraction of the retail and it is beautiful. I also bought a music box for my dad's ashes and had it engraved. You could do that for your Xena as well.

These little things, we don't think about until some one says ... hey, what about ... and we think YES! That works!

[puremutt]

i still have Mickey 's ashes in the house.
someone on this board had a link at the time, I forgot which one.
there is someone who makes jewelry from your pets ashes.
you might check Etsy.com, or Google.

[tessa]

yes...i had always planned to have her made into jewelry.
but the time is not now.
i will look at that down the road.

for now...her urn sits on the shelf above the TV.
i'm not sure what we watch more.

[troopersmommy]

I guess because Manny was my first rescue, I couldn't let go either. He was my best friend and he was the child I never had and stayed with me for 17 years. I felt so lost and alone when he left me that I needed something physical...tangible to keep near. Keeping his ashes in an urn that I could look at gave me the comfort I craved.

But the following year, when my next little angel, Goose, passed, I decided to let her rest in the back yard she loved so much. She was a little stray I found wandering the streets that thought my back yard was heaven. It was her domain, and she became the "alpha dog in charge". Since then I've done the same for all my babies that leave their earthlife, dogs and cats alike. I'm fortunate to have plenty of land, and have created beautiful landscaped gardens for them. I even have a special place for squirrels and birds.

I actually kept Manny's urn on my fireplace mantle for 11 years until his "adopted son" Axl passed. Axl was a little rotty pup I was given that Manny helped raise during his last year. They were inseparable. Everywhere Manny would go, the little pup followed. He grieved as much as I did when Manny died. So when it was Axl's time to rest, I broke open the urn and placed Manny's ashes with his beloved "son". And I was okay, because I knew Manny was the first in my heart and always would be...followed very closely by each and every one since then.

[tessa]

troopersmommy...
thankyou.
your words have resounded so loudly with me these past few weeks.

[puremutt]

I have, amongst others, a picture of Mickey above the TV , I also constantly watch it.
It is still so "fresh" for you guys.
For me the 1 year mark has passed and am sorry to say I still feel like I am in mourning, sigh.............

[troopersmommy]

Tessa, I read your candle message tonight about not being able to stop lighting them. I understand.

For some reason I can't explain, I share the same feeling. I can't get the picture of Xena's sweet little face with her eyes closed out of my mind. It reminds me of all my little bears, those still with me and those who are not. That look I know so well...when sleepy or silly, when happy or smiling, when hurting or dying. Her picture makes me laugh and cry at the same time with each memory.

I do know this: there may come a time, as human nature goes, that time passing takes you further away from lighting those candles. But that's okay. Xena will never be too far from you because each time you think of her, you are lighting a candle in your heart. And those flames will never go out.

[Bendy Kitty]

I made this topic a sticky topic so it will stay at teh top of the forum.
I think alot of people will benefit from it, and we can continue to add to it.

purrrrrrrrs

bendy

[troopersmommy]

Bendy Kitty, what a great thing to do for Tessa and Xena, and all the rest of us. I come here often to read and reread.

Especially now it's helping me "hold it together" as I've been worrying about three of my older kitties. Seems like I have series of lifetimes that age together, dogs and cats. I've lost so many, and have so many more to lose. Plus, one that I'm worried about is (blasphemous statement from an animal mommy) my favorite baby for all times. There, I've said it. I don't know how, when I love them all so deeply, but "Fuzzy" is my heart. I pray to God to let him live till I die, but I know that's not possible. He's already 15, with chronic asthma and respiratory problems that get real bad during cedar season (now through end of Feb). But I'm sure he'll make it through another winter. What do they say..."positive thoughts and positive actions beget positive results and positive rewards." (Can't remember where I heard that.)

So again, Bendy, I thank you for keeping this thread close at hand. Right now it's my lifeline.