Shortie is gone and I am scared.....

[sandiebird]

I came to this site the last time I was confused and scared. Shortie passed away this weekend and I am not sure what to do. I found comfort in this site when Shortie lost the use of his back legs in the summer.

I read many lovely words of encouragement and information helping me to deal with his handicap. Since his little seizure in the spring of 2009, he managed to regain his legs and was able to walk, run, jump and play like a puppy. I was so happy and we had so much fun these last 6 months.

Everything was going great and then on Thurs he seemed very confused, his legs were twitching, then he had a full-blown seizure. His legs & neck stretched out to the side in an uncomfortable looking way. His eyes were huge & looked scared, as I was. His front legs spread wide open & he could not stand up properly. I carried him to my bed & weird stretching continued for a bit. He was panting very hard but it settled down.

I called the vet who told me to keep close watch cause if he had another one it would be bad. He seemed much better & I was grateful. Then a huge bubble started under his chin & swelled up so fast I rushed him to the vet. After tests and needles the vet said he had another little seizer & his kidneys were bad, his neck bubble was from an abscess from the gums & it was strange that it came up so suddenly and so fast? I know this as I do not work & was with him 24/7 feeding, touching & cleaning, brushing, bathing… He was given antibiotics, anti seizer & others.

But when I took him home I noticed he was not all there. He did not recognize me. I put him on the bed; he stretched out a little & made some sad sounds. I was very frightened. He started panting again, harder & harder, wobbling his head & looking not good. I stayed holding him until his panting subsided and he was starting to fall asleep. The breathing grew softer & softer until I could not feel or hear him.

Shortie was 16 years old and I did not work for 7 years of it. He really did not suffer that much having one little seizure 6 months ago then the full one. I am so sad and lonely now and I hope he is in a good place and is happy. I am having so many doubts as to what I should have done. Maybe this & maybe that. I should have taken him to the vet more often. So many things haunt my mind. How do you go on? How do you deal with the questions, pain, feelings of guilt?
I will keep on reading the many wonderful happy & sad stories and thank you for all your help now & in the past. God Bless Sandie & my beloved

[Friend2Dogs]

I am so sorry for your loss. I felt all the feelings you are feeling when I lost my Mason ( he was almost 16) It is hard for a while and it hurts for a long time, but after a while you can remember the love they gave to you and not hurt so bad. Again I am sorry and you did the very best for your beloved dog and never think what could I of done different, because you were a good dog Mom.

[Christine]

Awww....Sandie, it's me again. I just saw this after writing to you in the other one. He is a beautiful boy. You did everything you could to make his life and last days perfect. I, personally, believe everything happens in God's good time and it sounds as though he went to sleep in your arms in a peaceful way. The first thing we do when we lose someone we love that much is second guess ourselves. Don't do that to yourself, you were a great mom to him.

You may take some comfort from this thread where we all visit and talk about this very thing. Tessa started it when she lost her dear Xena and it just opened the floodgates for all of us who have lost our precious babies.

viewtopic.php?f=3&t=13890

Please take care of yourself.

[puremutt]

aww what a sweetie he was!
you did absolutely nothing wrong , you gave him so many years.
We all know some day is going to be their last one and when it does happen it hits us harder than we can imagine.
the emptiness will be with you for a long time, but Shortie is painfree and you can think of all the happy times you had together, you gave to him.

[GabrielDeafBlindPupFamily]

The love you shared on this plane far surpasses most human love. I know your fear, you aren't sure you can handle this loss. But yes, you can. Shortie's life was so blesed to have you and you have to find Shortie's Legacy. Who knows what it is but I can tell you it will slam you in the face. I'm listenting as I type to Sara MacLaughlin's Angel. We all need that Beautiful Release from the pain. I found mine. It was right there in my face. Your Shotie's legacy is there as well. Your pain will transposition into a Gift you will get so much comfort from.

You are pulled from the Wreckage of your silent reverie. ...

Our times in the quiet alone can flatten us well. .. flat. Find your baby's legacy and GROW it in Shortie's memory. I cannot begin to describe th comfort you will find. Shortie was in your life for a reason. HE CHOSE YOU! And now, you will grow his mem'ry and legacy. ''

I promise you. I do.

[sandiebird]

Thank you for all your kind words. This website has helped me so much I can not tell you ....but without it I am not sure what I would be doing. I am so emotional. What a fantastic website to find whatever you need. Help, advice, informaiton, encouragement, love...... Thank you thank you thank you......

Also I have ppurchaseda 4 in one set to help little dogs with the back end, or front end. If they need a sling type of system. It is brand new and I never did use it for Shortie but it is here and I can send it to whoever needs it. It is for dogs under 14 pounds. And to the keepers of this website please edit this and place it into which ever category you feel people will best use it - see it. They can have it for free but please just pay for the shipping. I am in Hamilton Ontario Canada, near Niagara Falls.
God Bless you all and thank you again - I will find Shortie's legacy .............. Sandie

[CarolC]

Sandie that is awfully nice of you. As requested, a copy of your post is in Financial Forum under the title "Sling to donate". You can edit it or change it if you like. You could also post a free ad in the Classified ads if you want.

http://handicappedpet.net/class/

[Christine]

Hi Sandie,

An offer identical to yours is the first post I read when I came to this site looking for help for my Bailey. The sling changed our lives and this site and the people on it gave us another two years together. You never know what a seemingly small gesture can do. Shorty's legacy of love will ripple out for a long, long time. He's smiling at you right now.

[raiders mom]

I am so sorry for your loss. You did everything you could for your little Shortie. He had many happy days with you and his memory will be there with you always. It is so hard when we lose one of our "kids". We love them so and when they go to Rainbow Bridge it leaves a huge hole in your heart. I lost my little Pilea in June of 09 but I think of her everyday and some days, like today, I come to this site and read the stories and just cry. I hope you find some comfort knowing that Shortie is well now and not in pain any more. He's waiting there at Rainbow Bridge for you and someday you will see him again...HUGS..Raider's Mom, Kathy

[jazzybaby]

I am so sorry for your loss, I know it hurts right now but the pain will get better with time. Think of the good times you had with Shortie and know he is always with you, he watches over you and is waiting you will meet again. You did everything you could for him and gave him a great life. And his memory will live on. It has been a little over 5 years since I lost my first dog and I often think of her I know in my heart she is watching over me and my new baby when my jasmine had spinal cord surgery last year i know that my cricket was watching over us both. God bless you.

stacy