Need advice - or maybe just to vent
Posted: Tue Sep 29, 2009 9:47 am
Hi all,
I wrote a couple of years ago about my oldest guy (now 14) CJ needing an amputation. He had his left rear leg removed in April of 2008. As far as that is concerned, he healed up well and thankfully, we didn't have any problems. The irony is that his remaining rear leg is now useless. Just before the amputation, he was beginning to lose strength and started having problems getting up. Of course the amputation kept him down for a while until he healed and by the time he should have gotten up to move around, he couldn't.
We used different methods of getting him around. Now he is wearing a the Blue Dog 2 piece harness which replaced the Hartmann. I like the Blue Dog one a lot more. Alright, here comes my whining. :/ As I said, CJ is 14 now, not terribly old, but no spring chicken either. He weighs around 80-ish pounds. His back end is completely gone and now his front legs and chest are beginning to weaken and there are times he can barely walk. My husband just picks him up and carries him outside. I cannot. I have arthritis in my hands and shoulders and a herniated disc in my back. My back hasn't been bothering me at all, but it is starting to, just a tiny bit. My hands and shoulders hurt when I take him out. And he is afraid of walking for some reason and sometimes I have to push him to keep him going otherwise we are both going to go down. He does this when we go out the storm door to the top step, then there are 2 more steps down to the walkway. So here I am pushing him to keep him going and he's trying to plant himself to stop, I start to yell at him and get so frustrated, I'm in pain, I'm also afraid of falling (we have both fallen before in this scenario) he's afraid of falling, but of course he doesn't understand he needs to keep moving. When we finally get to the grass which is only a couple of feet from the walkway, he stands with his front legs splayed out and keeps falling down in the back. So I have to try to get his front legs together more to keep him upright and keep telling him to stand up, stand up, stand UP. Then sometimes he tries to drag me right back to the house and of course I'm not expecting it and it jerks my hand and shoulder and then I get mad at him, etc, etc, etc. Then the whole thing goes in reverse to get him back in the house.
I have to do this 3 or 4 times a day until my husband gets home from work. I can't even begin to relay the amount of guilt I feel for yelling at my boy. I know he can't help it, but it's doing a real job on my body and spirit and once we get back in the house, I fall apart sobbing. It isn't always this bad, maybe 50% of the time. 2 or 3 times out of 4 I'd say.
Once in the house, CJ is on a cushiony bed and that's where he stays all day. That's his day. He has to be in the same room with me and I try to make that happen as much as possible. If I can't, he's barking for me to come back, he hates to be alone. He is still eating and I guess he is as happy as he can be.
I'm so worried about how I'm going to do this in the coming winter. With ice and snow, I just don't know what I'm going to do.
THere are some days that he almost sleeps the whole day. Some days he just seems so unhappy. Other days he doesn't. I don't want to play God. I've lost 3 dogs in the last 2 1/2 years. I don't want to lose CJ. I look at him and cry thinking back to how big and strong he used to be. Now he seems just like a shell of his former self.
I don't know what I"m asking for. Advice? Someone who can absolutely relate to this? Someone to tell me what to do? I don't know. I just don't know.
I wrote a couple of years ago about my oldest guy (now 14) CJ needing an amputation. He had his left rear leg removed in April of 2008. As far as that is concerned, he healed up well and thankfully, we didn't have any problems. The irony is that his remaining rear leg is now useless. Just before the amputation, he was beginning to lose strength and started having problems getting up. Of course the amputation kept him down for a while until he healed and by the time he should have gotten up to move around, he couldn't.
We used different methods of getting him around. Now he is wearing a the Blue Dog 2 piece harness which replaced the Hartmann. I like the Blue Dog one a lot more. Alright, here comes my whining. :/ As I said, CJ is 14 now, not terribly old, but no spring chicken either. He weighs around 80-ish pounds. His back end is completely gone and now his front legs and chest are beginning to weaken and there are times he can barely walk. My husband just picks him up and carries him outside. I cannot. I have arthritis in my hands and shoulders and a herniated disc in my back. My back hasn't been bothering me at all, but it is starting to, just a tiny bit. My hands and shoulders hurt when I take him out. And he is afraid of walking for some reason and sometimes I have to push him to keep him going otherwise we are both going to go down. He does this when we go out the storm door to the top step, then there are 2 more steps down to the walkway. So here I am pushing him to keep him going and he's trying to plant himself to stop, I start to yell at him and get so frustrated, I'm in pain, I'm also afraid of falling (we have both fallen before in this scenario) he's afraid of falling, but of course he doesn't understand he needs to keep moving. When we finally get to the grass which is only a couple of feet from the walkway, he stands with his front legs splayed out and keeps falling down in the back. So I have to try to get his front legs together more to keep him upright and keep telling him to stand up, stand up, stand UP. Then sometimes he tries to drag me right back to the house and of course I'm not expecting it and it jerks my hand and shoulder and then I get mad at him, etc, etc, etc. Then the whole thing goes in reverse to get him back in the house.
I have to do this 3 or 4 times a day until my husband gets home from work. I can't even begin to relay the amount of guilt I feel for yelling at my boy. I know he can't help it, but it's doing a real job on my body and spirit and once we get back in the house, I fall apart sobbing. It isn't always this bad, maybe 50% of the time. 2 or 3 times out of 4 I'd say.
Once in the house, CJ is on a cushiony bed and that's where he stays all day. That's his day. He has to be in the same room with me and I try to make that happen as much as possible. If I can't, he's barking for me to come back, he hates to be alone. He is still eating and I guess he is as happy as he can be.
I'm so worried about how I'm going to do this in the coming winter. With ice and snow, I just don't know what I'm going to do.
THere are some days that he almost sleeps the whole day. Some days he just seems so unhappy. Other days he doesn't. I don't want to play God. I've lost 3 dogs in the last 2 1/2 years. I don't want to lose CJ. I look at him and cry thinking back to how big and strong he used to be. Now he seems just like a shell of his former self.
I don't know what I"m asking for. Advice? Someone who can absolutely relate to this? Someone to tell me what to do? I don't know. I just don't know.