Devastated and Confused

[jonesangela1]

Hi Everyone,
I have been doing a lot of searching on the internet over the weekend and am glad to have just found this forum. I hope that maybe I can get some experienced perspective on my Sheltie-mix's condition and what I feel was his untimely end. Max was a rescue dog so I'm not sure of his exact age, but he was roughly 12-13. Over the last two years or so he had begun to slow down a bit and act a little strangely. When I took him to the vet they said he just was getting old and had some mild arthritis, but now that I do more research I strongly believe he had canine cognitive dysfunction. He would occasionally splay out on our hardwood floors and we would have to pick him up, but once we steadied him he was fine. He would also occasionally jump into the wall when he would go up the stairs, but we also attributed this to his age. Four years ago he was diagnosed with kidney disease, but his blood work in early February showed his kidneys to be functioning fairly well. He had begun to exhibit incontinence more frequently, but it was not consistent. Max was wary around other people and for the most part only let me pick him and pet him, and I think he had been more stressed and confused as of late because we just had a baby in October and there were constantly family members and their more energetic dogs in his space. He still seemed to enjoy things most of the time, however, and he would eat and drink and occasionally enjoy being pet, although he seemed to sometimes get distracted and walk away.
On Thursday night my husband and I came home and found him splayed on the floor again next to a pile of his defecation. I thought at first that this was a normal episode of him slipping, and lately he had been defecating inside of the house even after I had just taken him outside, so I wasn't alarmed by it. When my husband went to try and pick him up, though, Max was snapping at him, so I had to do it. When I tried to steady him like always he wasn't able to stand at all and kept flailing, so I took him down the stairs to the backyard and steadied him. He stumbled around the yard in a drunken state, and he seemed very unlike himself. Both his back and front legs were stiff, his back legs more so than his front. He stumbled a few times so I finally went and picked him up and brought him back inside where he just collapsed on the floor. That night we kept him in our bedroom with us, and though he would stand occasionally and stumble in a couple of directions he would fall soon after. When he needed to pee he would stand up, but he ended up peeing on the carpet before I could get to him to take him outside. I gave him water throughout the night, holding it up to his head, but he was not interested in eating even a soft treat. The next morning I made him an appointment with the vet. When my husband carried him to the backyard he bent to defecate and did but ending up sitting down in it.
I was not at the vet's right when my husband got there with Max because I had to drop our baby off with my mom, but when I got to there the vet was performing a physical exam on Max. She showed me that when she bent his paws back (knuckling, I believe it's called) on all four legs he had no reaction whatsoever. She did a number of other physical tests that indicated to her that all four legs were somehow neurologically compromised, as well as his facial reflexes. She said she didn't think that he was in pain, but that he clearly had some sort of a neurological episode that was either a stroke or a brain tumor. When she finished the exam she didn't really say what our options were, I had to ask. She said blood work and x-rays wouldn't show much since the problem was neurological, and that an MRI or CT Scan could be done to determine the cause but because of his kidney disease those tests might harm him. She said given the extent of his lack of responses in all four legs and his age it was unlikely that he would recover his mobility, and if he did it would be months. She said we could just to take him or "it wouldn't be wrong to euthanize him." She said we had to consider his quality of life at this point. My husband and I cried and asked some more questions, but my husband thought it would be cruel for us to let him continue living this way. I agreed to it, and Max was euthanized while we held him on Friday morning.
Almost as soon as I got home on Friday, though, I immediately regretted this decision. I have been reading online all weekend about people whose dogs recovered from strokes, and I am angry that the vet or myself didn't think to at least wait the weekend out to see if Max would improve on his own. My husband is angry with me because he feels like we did the right thing, but I am devastated and feel like I killed my dog. Any similar experiences or feedback would be so much appreciated.

Angela

[Bobbie]

Well, I'd have done what you did. Yes, there might be an off chance he would have recovered, and if he had been six or eight or even ten, it might have been worth a week or month of misery to get the extra years. But when a dog is very old, something is going to kill him. To paraphrase an episode of MASH- rule number one is that dogs don't live as long as we do, and rule number two is that no amount of money or good care can change rule number one. My feeling is that when an old dog is clearly in distress, and the best case is only a small amount of time remaining, there is no good reason to prolong the inevitable. Your dog was showing old age signs for some time, so it wasn't as if his baseline was normal and healthy. Don't beat yourself up. You probably did do the kindest thing, in my opinion.

I know not everyone would agree with this.

[CarolC]

Angela, did you opt for cremation? The reason I ask is, if this happened Friday, his remains may still be at the vet. At least the way they do it here, a cremation service comes and picks up the remains, and they do not come every day. Possibly he may have been picked up today or maybe that was not done yet. In that case there is still the option of doing a post mortem. This seems like the best idea if you still have the option.

[jonesangela1]

Thank you both so much for your responses. I did not know about doing a dog post mortem, but I will call the vet when they open today. From what I just researched online it says that those exams don't usually include the brain and spinal cord, but I am still going to call them to know for sure. Thank you again.

[jonesangela1]

Bobbie, thank you for the MASH quote. That does help a bit. Do you feel that not everyone would agree based on the frequency of stroke dogs rehabilitating or a general predisposition against euthanasia? I am so angry at myself for not bringing him home for the weekend at least, and though this anger is probably misplaced, I'm also mad at the veterinarian for suggesting euthanasia before observing him for longer. My husband said that it wasn't logical for me to think the vet was being hasty or careless in her decision because she could have run a bunch of expensive tests just for the money but was honest in telling us that it wouldn't show anything or make a difference in the end. When we were deciding what to do my husband said "I don't want to see Max falling down in his own poop again, it's not right." I understand where he is coming from, and at the time it made me feel like it would be cruel to bring him home in that condition, but now that I read more online I realize how many dogs bounce back from that condition. I am just still in so much shock that he is gone, and I worry that he feels like I betrayed him and gave up on him in the end.

[rainypass]

Angela, I am sorry for the loss of your dog Max it is so sad and difficult to say good bye and it will take some time to grieve the loss of your beloved pet. The decision to euthanize is always difficult and questioning the choice can be heart breaking. At the time you did the best you could and the decision to end Max's suffering was not wrong. Given that the neurological exam showed widespread involvement and the old age of your dog recovery may not have been possible. If Max was younger and not showing other old dog symptoms maybe he could have recovered, even so you would have needed to provide around the clock care.

My old dog recently suffered a bad bout of vestibular disease (possibly a stroke) and I chose to wait it out and she did improve. I was able to stay home and provide round the clock care during her recovery period. With my dog all of here neurological reflexes were intact and all her legs passed the knuckling test yet she was unable to stand on her own. If I was not able to give her the round the clock care she needed I would have had to put her down. With vestibular disease dogs can recover, it sounds your like dog had more severe neurological problems and likely would not have recovered.

I think you and your husband made the right choice, as difficult as it was and now it is done. Rest in peace Max.