Need a pep talk

[Bijoux]

Here’s our situation. Bijoux, my beloved 13 year old mixed breed dog, was diagnosed 6 months ago with a terminal, inoperable spinal tumor. She was given 2 to 3 months to live. So, most days I feel gratitude for still having her in my life and I am able to tap into a calm place. This week I am struggling. I am tired from a couple long work weeks and I am feeling sad, angry and scared. Bijoux is losing more function in her rear legs. She is stumbling around the yard which has always been the place she had the best footing. Tonight I noticed that her toes were flipped under a couple times. I know that none of this is a good sign.

The worst of it is that I am taking all this emotion out on my other dogs. They are young and healthy and energic. They bounce and run and circle. The reason that I get upset with them is that they have no concern for bumping into Bijoux. It takes so little to throw her off balance. When she falls, I want to cry but I end of yelling at them to "go easy".

Does anyone have words of wisdom or practical advice? I definitely need a pep talk.

[Bobbie]

The best advice I can give is to take care of yourself, and make special times to enjoy being with Bijoux. Hopefully you will not have to say goodbye too soon. You've been lucky... when my corgi was diagnosed with a spinal tumor, she had less than two weeks left. I hope you have many more months, but sooner or later she's going to leave you, and the more you can enjoy just being with her now, the better.

You may want to consider separating the dogs. Bijoux may be happy to be with you during quiet times, and be crated or separated during the wild times with the other dogs. Don't do this if it causes too much stress, but it might not, if she is content to be sleeping more and feels safer away from the other dogs.

It's very hard to say whether or not a cart would be of any value to you. Practically speaking, you might not even have time for her to learn to use it, and its an expense that may not be worthwhile at her age and with her diagnosis. But that's a hard decision, because you don't know, and you don't want to regret NOT doing it. It's something to consider. A support sling might be enough for now to give her the added safety of not falling despite the presence of the other dogs.

When you do blow up at the other dogs, make it up to them later with a rousing game of ball or chase. They won't hold grudges. Just keep taking care of yourself, relaxing with Bijoux, enjoying the time you have, and blow off steam by rough-housing with the young dogs.

[CarolC]

One idea would be to let the dogs outdoors in shifts, she goes out, comes back in, and the other two go out. I've had the same problem with a boisterous dog romping around and knocking the old dog into a sit. The only solution was to separate them, he couldn't learn not to do it. It is a loss not to have them go out as a group...but life and end of life includes such losses.

To be honest, it may not be many more weeks that your dog will be able to walk outside without help, so I believe you want to think about a harness. There are belly harnesses, hip harnesses, and the bottoms up leash. Pretty soon your dog is going to need you walking beside her to help her navigate, and for that you will need a harness. You can buy one or make one. You will feel better knowing you are prepared with a harness. It is fortunate she is only 30 lbs.

If she is starting to knuckle her paws, she may begin to get scrapes on top of her feet. In that case you may want to think about some booties for her feet. Again, these can be homemade, people have used baby socks and other makeshift ideas just to protect the toes.

You are already expressing the bladder, but are you expressing the bowel? This would solve the poop between the toes problem. You'll be glad you learned to do it when she gets to where she is spending most of her time in her bed. Here are ideas on how to express the bowel.

https://www.handicappedpets.com/mediawiki/?title=Bowel_management_in_incontinent_pets

The absolute beauty of paralysis is that it doesn't hurt. I had a rabbit who became paralyzed with a spinal tumor. He still enjoyed life until the last 36 hours. My dog has been paralyzed since 2003 and she enjoys life. I'm not sure what kind of spinal tumor your dog has, but my rabbit's tumor was eating the bone and the vet warned me that the spine in that area would become more fragile due to bone loss. This may be another reason to separate your dogs.

Since you already know how to express, you are way ahead of the game. There is no reason why you can't continue to provide good care and love for your dog until it is her time to go.

Here are some words of inspiration written by Tom, who came here with a situation not too different from your own.

http://geocities.com/petinspiration/

Here are Anita's words about "The Six Month Wonder"--so true. It does not hit everybody at exactly 6 months, I think it hit me a little earlier, it may be hitting you a little later. But you do eventually crash. The important thing to know, and others can tell you this as well, is that you do come out on the other side.

http://www.handicappedpets.com/cgi-bin/msg/webbbs_config.pl?read=19358

Finally, here is an article Dianne found on caregiver's stress for pet caregivers. Many of us have observed that people do not realize a fraction of what we go through caring for our pets. If you have a disabled spouse or a parent with Alzheimer's, other people recognize what you are going through and give you support or at least respect and understanding. But you can be doing just as much time consuming, emotionally taxing nursing care with a pet, and in some cases just as much heavy lifting, and people don't appreciate what you're doing because "it's just a dog". But we understand here. So hang in there. And if possible, try to get a decent amount of sleep two days in a row (I know, that can be difficult), it will make a world of difference.

http://www.specialneedspets.org/caregvrs.htm

P.S. I think Bobbie posted while I was writing this and we are saying some of the same things, but I am posting it as is anyway...

[theservs]

Everyone has pretty much said what I would say. I just wanted to say that I am here and praying for you and Bijoux. I feel the same in that you may not have much time left and you want to keep him and you in a "happy place" for the time you have left.
I agree that keeping the dogs separate is a good idea. The other fur-kids don't understand and only want to be dogs, themselves and I believe Bijoux would rather lay by your side and have some time with you.

My heart breaks for you and I know that you will have very fond and fun memories of Bijoux.

Judy

[SandyNY]

There is a golden mix two houses down from me.She has been thru the raising and sending off to college of many kids... They used to put her on a tie out in the backyard. sometimes she would escape and runs the neighborhood; ignoring everyone chasing and calling after her! When she would escape, she would come to my fence and her and my gsd could go for hours running back and forth barking and snarling at each other- but they never hurt each other; it was like a game. Then they got older - she would break free and come to the fence and the two would run for a couple minutes then lay down and rest for 10; get up and bark and run for 2, sit and pant for 10.... My gsd put down last october and that dog is still going! She is very old. they now let her sit on the front porch most days as she cannot get away anymore. somedays she gets stuck in the yard and someone has to run out and help her get up. The other day, kids getting ready to set off to college and she was out front with them.... she took off. not like a bolt but like a wobbley, shakey run away! She made it two yards away before the father came with the leash and got her - she was pretty proud; wishing she could have made it farther!
The spirit ; the life in that sweet, sneaky head is what it is all about.

[Precious'mom]

I definitely relate to what you're going through. I have six dogs, one of them a 14 1/2 year old female with spondylosis(fusing of spinal vertebrae) which is very painful and causes her back to hunch up, and my baby a 19 month old female who was born with an unknown genetic condition that makes her back legs paralyzed and spine curve to the left and she's only 7 1/2 lbs. My older girl is only 15 lbs. Our other dogs are two very rambunctous playful males (about 20 lbs), a 60 lbs wild female yellow lab, and another female (22 lbs). I also occasionally foster for a rescue group. It can be very trying and very frustrating to keep the two girls safe and protected. Luckily with the baby, she was brought in as a puppy and paralyzed, so the other dogs grew up learning she was very little and they had to be very gentle with her. They all know to be slow when around her and they can't step on her or steal her toys or anything. One of my males will actually reprimand the other dogs if he thinks they're getting too rough with her. My older female is a bit of a different situation because she used to play rough with the others and grew up with most of them so they're used to her being part of the pack and being the mother. So I had to step in and teach them to be gentle with her and leave her alone. Obedience training will get you so far if you take the time to do it. I taught the others the commands, leave it, go lay down, easy, back, sit, wait, gentle, etc. This has saved my eldest from a lot of scrapes and falls and if she starts walking around while the others are playing I give them the commands go lay down. If they try to play with her I tell them leave it. If they go to step on her I tell them easy. If they are trying to go through the door at the same time as her I tell them back. If they are just being obnoxious and need to take a break I put them in sit/stays. One day when we came home our yellow lab crashed into my elder female and she screamed and could hardly stand I said enough, that is enough so I taught them manners and they have to live by them. Plus when we used to come home it was a five dog free for all, but now, most of them are told to go lay down and the others are ignored until they calm down and sit. Only the elder girl and paralyzed girl have no manners. My elder girl used to but she has dementia pretty bad, so it's out the window which is fine, she's still the sweetest thing. And the paralyzed baby, well she's the baby and gets away with murder, but she's supercute, so how can one resist!
Good luck and hope this helps,

Almost forgot, I also have one bed that's totally off limits to the other dogs for my elder girl to climb into which is out of the way of most traffic, so it gives her a time out area to feel safe and a nice retreat from the business of the household.

Jennifer and Precious

[Bijoux]

Thanks for all your kind words. They helped. I also found that using a baby gate to seperate the dogs at feeding time helped out too. That's when things were the worst. Catching up on my sleep also put me in a better frame of mind.