How do deal with people

[Layla's Mom]

I need some advice on how to deal with everyone who is telling me just to put Layla down. It's hurting me so much. She is only a week and a half post-surgery and she is taking a lot out of me, but I know it will get easier. It's hard though for me to talk about anything but her and my hopes for her getting better, but everyone just tells me I'm losing my life and this is taking up too much of my time. I don't know what to do or say. She is my life.

Layla's reflexes are getting stronger and I want to keep hope that this is a good sign. She also seems to know when she poops, because as it's coming out, she tries to pull herself forward away from it. Usually she will poop right after we're done expressing her bladder, while she's still over her pee pad. I just keep wanting to think that she is starting to know what's going on and maybe she'll start showing improvement in the next few weeks...

Anyone I talk to though really brings me down Even when I talk about how well she's doing.

[sdrakkan]

When people haven't dealt with an animal having issues as severe as some of us have, they don't understand how much that animal is striving to live. All they see is a handicap. Stewie, my deformed kitten, had many people against him as well. My own mother didn't understand why I put so much into him. Everyone has their own restrictions on what they would do for their animal and everyone has a different value. Here on this site, we all know that sometimes there will be a point will it will be really hard to deal with what our animals do and people will question your sanity. ####...I run a small animal rescue and just took in rat #15. She luckily will have no rehab involved in her stay unlike her cagemates, but still will add to my time spent every day. I have people every day that wonder why I take such an interest in "vermin" and why should I bother. Because they are in need of help too. Are my rats less deserving because they aren't typical pets? Are pets like Layla and Stewie less deserving because of birth defects and injuries beyond our control? No. But it takes a special person to take care of them.

You are Layla's mom. You know what she can handle. Someone doesn't like it or doesn't approve? Tough. And I hope their animal doesn't have to deal with what yours does...because odds are, they won't get this kind of care.

[Layla's Mom]

Thank you for the reply. I need support and even when I get a lot from a lot of people, it only takes one or two to really bring me down a few notches. A friend has a german shepherd who she says is just as much her baby as Layla is to me. She said if she were in my situation, she would put him down in a heartbeat. She says it's not fair to either of us to live this way. I said Layla's still full of life. I asked if she'd put her dog down even if he licked her face every morning, still knew his commands and would sit or lay down when you asked him to, if he still got excited for treats and still loved to be near her every moment he could... she just answered "Yes"

[sdrakkan]

Mobility is one thing, pain is another. If my animal is in pain, and it's not manageable, yes I would not hesitate. But if they are not, and quality of life is good, then don't worry about it.

[critters]

but everyone just tells me I'm losing my life .

Oh, HONESTLY!!! I don't even know what to say to that one. I suppose they'd want somebody to babysit them awhile if they broke a leg, had surgery, or whatever?! Or maybe THEY'd prefer to be dead?

[slshepherds]

In addition to Carl I adopt German Shepherds with hindlimb deformities and am well used to derogatory, negative comments. I remember the first time someone made a negative comment, how much it hurt and undermined me as a person. Initially I never said anything, but over time as I became more confident, I became able to educate folks, telling them about my dogs, how happy they are, what they are capable of etc. Interestingly with Carl, people seem more accepting, likely because he is a goofy young Lab who goes straight up to you and demands love and attention. Once people see Carl and not that he is paralyzed everything changes.

You know Layla the best and can tell if she is happy or not. If she is happy and you are able to care for her then it really doesn't matter what others think. Perhaps you could agree to disagree? I do have friends and colleagues who do not understand and we meet and go out together, just don't discuss the dogs.

Wishing you the best
Joanne and Carl

[jazzybaby]

Layla's mom,

I understand what you are going through as many on here have been there. I too had a lot of people tell me that I wasted my money or that she was no longer a dog anymore because she could not walk. I was told by many that I should just put her down, I even had a coworker tell me to just go out and get another dog. Which none of these were options for us. I had family tell me I was doing the wrong thing and that she was just a dog. But to us she is our child and we would do anything for her. I know how hard it is to listen to these people because there are times you just want to let them have and tell them off. I once told a coworker that told me to put her down would you do that to your child if them became handicapped and she said no and never said another thing to me. To people that don't own pets or don't think of them as part of the family don't understand what our furbabies mean to us. I finally got to a point I had to tell some of my family if they did not have anything nice to say about Jasmine then I did not want them to even bring her name up. Sometimes you just have to stand up and tell them off. I still have people tell that i should have just put her to sleep even through she has proved so many wrong they just don't value their lifes as we do. I know how hard it is but it does get better and eaiser. It just takes time to get in routine. It gets to the point were you don't even think about it. But others will look at it like you are giving up your life. My parents have been there for during all of this and have always said that I did the right thing, but we had to leave Jasmine with them for a long weekend to attend a wedding and when we got home they said they did not realize how hard it was to take care of her and that they gave us credit for it and we were like oh it is really nothing we don't even think of it. And yes our lives have changed we can't be gone to long because we need to make sure she is expressed but is has been worth it. My advise to you is to hang in there things will get better and as time goes on it will be well worth it. She will improve.

Stacy & Jasmine

[CarolC]

I agree with everything jazzybaby said and would go one further. Most of those people will eventually see that she looks happy. Some of them will see you as an example if they are ever in the situation or know a friend in the situation. Right now they may be saying, "Oh, I'd never do that," but later they may be saying to their friends, "I have to admit the dog looked happy when I saw it." Nothing like success to change people's minds. It's work but it's worth it.

[Layla's Mom]

Thank you all for the support. Layla is 100% alive and probably 75% happy (I know she's a little sad that she can't get around on her own!) I live for her little yorkie kisses when I wake up every morning. And now I have to get down on the floor to get them, but I still get them. I still fall asleep to the sound of her softly snoring on the floor beside me.

She WANTS to get around on her own and I KNOW that. This, I know, is terrible, but last night she was laying between us on our futon while we were watching tv, and in the blink of an eye she was on the floor. It wasn't a fall technically, she pushed herself off and didn't hit the ground hard, although I know it's terrible for a spinal injury. Believe me, I was feeling sick over it, because I should have been watching her better. But she did it just to get a drink of water She wants to be able to do these things on her own. But from now on she's in her crate constantly unless we can have our hands on her the whole time she's out. She has laid there nicely beside us at night a lot, but last night was different

I feel like we're seeing a little progress. The vet calls it just reflex and she's sitting at the same spot, but she has more reflex than before in that case. She could get her to kick her back feet out while swimming by tickling them. She wouldn't do that two days earlier. Her leg stretches out when I scratch her tummy... an area where she has no feeling. Her legs and tail twitch quite a bit.

We took her to a woman who does alternative healing on Saturday, and she got Reiki, Theta Healing, and Quantum Touch. I'm a skeptic for sure but thought it couldn't hurt. We were told to keep her well hydrated. I was in awe that she drank 4 FULL bowls of water that day. Usually it's not even a half a bowl. And she wasn't being active or anything. So we are keeping a little more hope.

[jazzybaby]

I am happy you are seeing improvements every little thing is good. When we first started out evrything she did we would get so happy about. If I were (and we had to do this) is go to the vets and listen to what he says but stay positive I would give myself a little pep talk before we would go in and i would tell myself don't get upset if he says it is just reflex because I'm the one with her everyday that way i would not let what he was telling get me down. It worked for me. And don't beat yourself to much for her trying to get down by herself we too had a scare like that too. It was like three weeks after her surgery and we were never told to crate rest her so we would let her lay on a blanket in the middle of our living room so she could see everything going on in our apartment and she normally would stay right there, well one time I helped my husband carry the trash down our stairs and told stay mommy would be right up but as i was half way down the stairs I heard her charms on her collar and i looked back just to see her at the top of our stairs left her one front paw up to put it down on the next step. I screamed and run up the stairs I'm not sure my feet touched the stairs at all and i was able to catch her in time. But I felt horrible likely nothing happened to her that night my husband went out and got a baby gate. And another time many months after surgery she was on the couch with me and i got up to get something and she felt she could get down so she slid right down the side of the couch and she was fine. I think as they start to feel better you will see her trying to do more and more and be more active.

[Dieselsmom]

You are going to have get a thick skin to deal with other people. Most people think they would never do what you're doing for Layla. The fact is - dogs that had paralysis and mobility problems used to be put to sleep immediately. But caring for handicapped dogs has come so far in the last several years that now it's possible to care for them and keep their quality of life. Most people don't realize that. And most people don't realize that dogs adapt much better than humans. So while we may not be able yet to come to terms with their condition, the dog simply figures out how to get through life with his/her new handicap(s). They don't dwell on what they used to be able to do, they just learn how to do things now. And outsiders who don't live with Layla everyday and don't see her everyday don't realize that she's adapting and can still have a good quality of life.

You also may want to make it well known that if people don't have good positive things to say about Layla or her situation, then they'd better not say anything at all. I think most people in my life are smart enough to watch what they say about Makayla around me. But when I do hear negative things or people ask me why I don't put her down, first I educate them on her condition and her quality of life and capability of having a good quality of life. And then I remind them she's one of my children - and if they wouldn't kill their handicapped child, then I won't kill my handicapped dog before her time.

Good luck.

Rachel

[Joan]

Every single person in this thread has made some very good, valuable points.

I have never had the experience of having a valued pet, and then have them become handicapped, through some misfortune. I can however empathize with all these viewpoints, as I resuce the handicapped pets after those "loved" owners have already thrown them away. Literally in some cases. 2 of my handicapped pugs were actually thrown out on the highway, and left for dead. 3 others spinal pugs were left off at rescues as the "owners" couldn't or wouldn't look after them. Even one of my diabetic pugs who is blind was dumped off at a rescue after the "gentleman" who had her for 10 years but was not willing to deal with blindness.

I just cannot imagine how people can treat animals this way. I am the beneficiary however, I enjoy the love of 9 wonderful pugs, only 2 of which could possibly be classified as normal. No-one who knows me would dare question how much time or money I spend on these precious creatures. I have always told friends, that my pugs are the most important thing in my life, and they are quite aware they are a very distant second........or worse.

At the same time, when I have them out in carts, and I get those pitying looks, or worse, I put my chin up and realize if they only knew how much love I receive, then they would be jealous not scornful or critical. It will never cease to bring tears to my eyes when I think of all the wonderful things in my life that I would have missed if not for my special needs dogs. Who could ever beat that??

[Layla's Mom]

Thank you all for your replies. I was sitting with Layla in my lap this morning and I felt like I have never been more bonded with her. I think she knows what we did and are still doing to try to save her legs. And I think she is grateful to us. She is helpless and we need to make these decisions for her. And I know she still absolutely loves me just as she absolutely loved me before. Now I am just more aware.

[Layla's Mom]

Oh my gosh I just noticed the typo in the title now lol... How TO deal with people... I guess you can see my mind has been elsewhere for the past couple of weeks!

[sheri m]

Pete has been in wheels for 7 years next week. I still get people that that say poor dog. I tell people most dogs should have it as good as Pete. He is spoiled rotten and goes for long walks in his wheels and loves it. Pete is almost 15 years old and is a happy well adjusted dog. Pete does just about everything that my non disabled dog does. For the people who do not know Pete he was paralyzed and going to be put down when I adopted him. I have had Pete for 6 years and have various trying times. Pete has had it all but we keep on trucking. If Pete had not been paralyzed I would not have had this wonderful 6 years. We celebrate May 23rd each year as that was the date of Petes accident. We enjoy each day because we know that 7 years is a long time in wheels and 15 years is getting old in wheels or not. Just enjoy your time and do not let other peoples opinion bother you because it never goes away.