stress caring for a a handicapped dog

[linda]

im sure i am not the only one dealing with this but i want to know what others think. my elderly dog cant walk anymore. i had posted on here about her before. shes 16 years old. maybe 40 lbs at the most. she still eats and drinks and wants treats, and loves the marrow bones when i give them to her and my other dog. when i look at her i dont think it is time to put her to sleep and send her to heaven. my husband helps quite a bit. my kids, and others say shes suffering and what kind of life does she have blah, blah blah. shes 16 yres old . if she could walk she would probably be sleeping most of the day anyhow. she does whine alot during the nite. i started the melatonin for her, wich doesnt seem to help as of yet. when i hear her and come downstairs i take her out to pee, or give her water and put her back to sleep. shes in a big big box, that is so comfortable. she can see out of the sides cuz we cut them down. i bring her into the living room and have a blanket she lays on so she can watch me. if she doesnt see me she starts the whinning. i do not think she is in pain. i want to know what others think. and what do u say to people who tell you to put them down. i have done it many times in the past with older animals that i have had, its differant every time. what else can i be doing for her. does others who take care of a elderly pet feel like its so overwhelming at times and you dontk know if your doing whats best for your pet. id appriciate any comments on any of my post. thanks linda

[Bobbie]

Right off I see a disconnect between your subject heading and what you wrote. "Stress caring for a Handicapped dog" suggests that you are having problems continuing her care. In my opinion, that has to be part of the formula for "When is it time?". It's okay to include that in the decision. there is a quality of life scale at Scouts House (I don't have the link right now but google Scouts House and When is it Time and it will come up. I suggest looking at that and seeing where you are now, and then weighing whether you can improve anything on the list. If not, are you still at the good quality of life or not?

In terms of improvement, a stroller for your dog might open up her world some, my dog as he had become immobile loved his stroller. I found a Pet Gear AT3 stroller for $75 on Craigslist and it was certainly worthwhile. So if you decide the time is not here yet, try to find a stroller or wagon so you and she can both get out and get some excercise and a change of scene.

Edit, here is the link. http://scoutshouse.com/wp-content/uploa ... ittime.pdf

[CarolC]

Hi linda,

I'm not really answering your question exactly, but just commenting from remembering what it was like at that time. It was similar with my dog, he seemed fairly happy most of the time, except he'd have his barking spells. He still wanted his food. I think he still liked it when the cats curled up with him on his bed. He as fine about me changing his pad in his belly band. He let me know when he needed to get up and would try to walk whenever he was up. I think his quality of life was OK for a dog that age, at least it wasn't to the point of "let's throw in the towel" yet, until he went into kidney failure. But it was hard for me to judge how he was doing. Looking back at the objective measures, it seems like he really was doing OK. But after you have been caring for a heavy dog for months, you yourself are not doing OK. Let's just admit it. I did all my lifting correctly with proper body mechanics, and thank God I never threw out my back, which is the one thing I was afraid was going to happen. But even if you are doing every lift correctly, your body is taking wear and tear. It isn't like a "OUCH, I just blew a disk", it is more a cumulative haze of aches and pains and strains in your back, neck, shoulders, elbows, everywhere, that you do not realize are filling your psyche because you are so focused on caring for your dog. Nothing hurts so bad you can't stand it, so you just ignore it all and keep going. But it makes you feel bad physically, in addition to the mental feelings you are having about how your dog is aging. So even if he is doing OK all things considered, enjoying his food, enjoying companionship, etc., because you yourself are not feeling well (and don't fully realize it) you have a hard time seeing through the haze of discomfort to evaluate him. I went through that whole time without taking pain relievers, and I should have done it. I should have been on an anti-inflammatory way before I started. I look back and know that now. If you are not already on Alleve or Tylenol, or whatever works for you, I would recommend it. It's surprising how much "brighter" everything seems, and how much better you sleep, when you get rid of some of the aches and pains you are not really conscious of, especially when you have so many you can't even sort them out one from another. You will feel more cheerful inside, because you do not realize how much of the glum feeling you are having is from a physical source of your body crying from strain, and then you will have more to give to your dog. Because one thing I felt bad about was not having as much emotional uplift to give my dog as I wanted, I just didn't have it in me. I don't think the mental or emotional strain was so severe, I was just physically tired and strained, and it brought me down mentally and I had less cheerfulness and positiveness to give to my dog, I was kind of turning into a mechanical caregiver, getting the nursing care done with little left over for the kind of interpersonal relations your dog thrives on. That's just my two cents. You can't stop the lifting and you can't really get away for much of a break, more than a few hours anyway. Anyway, I would try a few days of Alleve or Tylenol and see if the whole outlook improves a little.

[linda]

thanks bobbie and carol. carol it is funny you mentioned the lifting. friday nite my daughter who is 16 was playing around and i think i bruised my rib. picking up purdy is somewhat sore. but im managing.i have rheumatoid arthritis, but actually that is not acting up. i have a dr appt tomorrow so i will see what he says. i just have come to the conclusion that she doesnt like to be alone. i am thinking of putting the smaller kids pool up in my room for her at nite. now shes in our kitchen in a big box my husband got from work. she also sits up and sort of pivots around. all and all shes been good. she can vocalize really really loud (like right now) when im not in the same room as she is. gotta run and thanks to the both of you for the reply. i have a stroller but its just the smaller umbrella type. may look for a larger one so i can take her around the yard instead of just letting her sit on the deck. thanks

[SandyNY]

I don't think your feelings are unique. people may seem like they are all knowing, all confident; but i think most of us do question ourselves. And maybe, it is not so much questioning yourself, your care for her,or your decisions, BUt the fact that it is so hard. seeing someone you care for not "suffering" but not able to enjoy life as you would like her to is very hard emotionally at times. she knows you are doing everything possible - thus the whines. don't even bother to talk to the coworkers or family members about how she is doing and what you are going thru at the moment because they say 'you need to put the poor thing down' and that just makes you feel bad about you. at least that is how listening to those comments play out in my head...they make me feel alone, alienated, like they don't understand and they would not do the same for thier pets. and maybe that is true, we are all different , and maybe they wouldn't do all this for thier pet and would pts.. but you understand YOUR dog, you have a bond and you are attempting to provide her the best "comfort care" for her senior life. she is comfortable. she is not suffering, she doesn't have the best life has to offer but she is safe. she is in her home and getting the treatment she deserves as a friend, a companion. sometimes you just don't know the right time, sometimes you make wrong decisions, as i am sure you know cuz you have experiance with this. she sounds like she is "happy". the last years of life can be so very tough to witness. look at so many elderly people- living it out for years in nursing homes, sleeping half the day away, some times we wish we could end it for them also, but I think when most people and critters reach this stage, no matter how different it is, they want to live. hang in there. ask for help, even if it makes you feel less wonderwoman-ish to ask hubby to lift her just once a night. hope your back is feeling better soon. To be 100% honest, I cannot deal with death -and it takes me 3 years to get where others are 2 months past a death, so maybe i shouldn't be posting... but even the most confident of people have thier moments of doubt. i understand the dilema you have in your head and heart. it sounds like she is doing good. wishing you the best; and all the insight needed!!

[linda]

thanks sandy for your reply. i know exactly what you mean. my mom has muliple sclerosis and cant not get up or down with out assistence. she needs the same type of care as my dog does. i guess like u say we all second guess what were are doing. but she is right now asleep on the couch and looks so comfortable. her nite wakings are not as much. usually its when she has to pee or wants water. i do give her the 5mg of melatonin at nite. during the morning she gets one buffered asprin and the rejuvanate plus supplement the vet wanted her on. she is on vioxine (spell?) wich he put her on twice a day when she had diareha when all this started on christmas eve. that medicine is mixed with the food and to set for 15 minutes then fed to her. her appitite is very good. i dont give her table scraps because i dont want her to have diareha again. we do pretty good with the potty thing. she feels when she has to go though she doesnt stand, and lately her front legs seem to be getting somwhat weaker. then for pooping, if i gently press around the area and she has to go she will. she can feel that too i am sure because i can see her strainging to go. she lays on her sides , sometimes she pivots around but otherwise i turn her on both sides at differant times. love her alot. it is alot of work to care for her being handicapped, just like it would be for a person. she still likes her marrow bones as a treat. i wanted to post her picture but every time i tried it says file is too big. well thanks for the encouragement.

[SandyNY]

"melatomin at night" - I used to give my old dog chamomille tea before bedtime! the chamomille great, the tea part can add to the need to pee! I am not familiar with the viaxine -will have to look it up. I also gave same dog the buffered aspirin. it will also eventually cause stomache trouble etc but i felt it's benefits outweighed the side effects and risks. One vet told me to give her aspirin and maloxx ( the name brand escapes me now. i will rememebr once i log off!) that seemed to help. She also took Deramaxx - very expensive. but i must say i do not think i did the wrong thing; good effects vs long term or bad effects. The feeding time is a big thing in the toileting -feeding at the same time every day helps to ensure having to void at the same time every day. however, i am a big softy to add treats. as long as she loves the marrow bones, i would be giving them daily.( never said i was a role model!) stay away from those begging strips and similar treats- they tend to cause gas !
See if you can find a program to "fix" picture - like photobucket or online place maybe?!?!
I am imaging what is your commonplace day. I am thinking - what do you think it would cost to hire a dog sitter to take over for a day? I mean, I used to pay an additional $5 to give a dog a pill in hot dog- which dog took readily!
Hang in there - don't ever feel you can't vent here because you will be judged. most people on here have been thru some sort of ordeal- some sort of long-term, some days i could run away, some days i could kill someone, some days i need a safe place to cry - type of ordeal(s). It ain't easy - sometimes things look different in the morning - sometimes things feel different when you get them off your chest.