Dogs: Husband wants to "put him down".

[Disgusted]

For those of you that recognize me, that's good. I am just too upset to upset to post my name. My dog, as I have mentioned before is recovering from back surgery. As I mentioned before, we tried to bring him home, but it was too much for me to handle because it takes two people...

I have ordered a cart, which will get here in a little over a week now. I talked to the vet today, and they told me that Max is is starting to have less knuckling in his left rear paw. He is still improving on his right rear leg also. So his progress is VERY slow, but it IS progress. Still no weight bearing in his rear legs.

I think my husband is crazy. he thinks we should quit now, before this gets any more expensive. He says I can't handle Max at home next week, anymore than I could a week ago. I say , all I need is the blasted cart, and I can handle it ! I love that Dog. My husband works out of town on a regular basis. Max is my buddy. Also just having lost my mom, I really need his company. I am not even considering having Max euthenized, or giving him away, or any of the above. My husband suggested giving him to one of the girls at the Vets office.

I think it is nuts, to do surgery, then quit before he has time to recover. To this my husband says, "okay, we will give it 2 more months, then we have to make a decision."

Is taking care of a carted dog that d--- hard ? So I will have to leave work to take him outside to pee. So what ? We didn't keep him outdoors before this accident anyways.

Am I just not seeing things straight here? Has anyone else had this attitude from their beloved mate ?

Sign me-Disgusted

[GabrielDeafBlindPupFamily]

Tell him in-his-face, this is more important than any issues he has. This is more important than 2 weeks or 2 months. And no, you are not going to put pup down. He can work with you, he can do nothing, but he cannot work against you. This is a soul-searing journey you are on, and you don't have to take it alone. We are here with you. Tell your husband that you have faith. If he doesn't he will just have to turn his head, because it will happen with or without him. As you yourself say, things improve the tinest bit at a time, and that's how it happens. In the tiniest moments at a time. Those are the ones we roll around in , soak up the joy, and pup realizes how happy you are and he relishes it too....
Best of luck and come here to get the support you need.

[critters]

I think I'd warn the vet, too; call me Paranoid, but I'd be afraid that if Hubby got too entrenched with the idea he might make a call leading to disaster.

[Barbara Boehmer]

It sounds like your husband doesn't care much about either your dog or your feelings. I know you don't need one more thing to deal with on top of everything else, but it sounds like you may have married the wrong person and might be better off without your husband. This may sound harsh, but I would ignore your husband, focus your attention on your dog, then once things have settled down, consider divorce. Stay strong. You will get through it and hopefully Max will too.

I think I recognize you from your other post. It sounds like Max has gotten used to the clinic and is happy there. You also seem convinced that you are unable to properly care for him without the cart and will have no problem once you get the cart. I don't know all the details. You are in the best position to judge that. In the meanwhile, can you schedule things so that you and Max can have the best of both worlds and/or make gradual non-traumatic changes? Can you either arrange to have a lengthy visit at the clinic once per week, so that you can enjoy his company and he doesn't think you have abandoned him? Or can you bring him home for a short stay once per week, then take him back? Relocating him to a closer vet might enable you to have more frequent visits, either there or at home, but it does not sound like he would get the same level of 24-hour care and would have to adjust to a new place and new people. Whatever you do, remember that it is only temporary and he will be home once you have the cart.

Have you already ordered a cart? When is delivery expected? Is there anything that you can do to expedite the delivery?

I know you lost your Mom and it sounds like your husband is worse than useless. I hope you have some other relatives or friends that can offer support, advice, and perhaps even help you with your dog, like being the second person to help you with him at home during a weekly stay. Those of us here on this forum share your love of pets and can offer advice and support, but most of us are too far away to actually be there to help you with your dog.

[Barbara Boehmer]

I just re-read your post and saw that you only have about a week until the cart arrives. So, you don't even have enough time to bother with relocating to a different vet or deciding whether to visit him at the vet or bring him home for a short stay. Just hang in there. You certainly need to wait and give the cart a try and allow some time for you and your dog to adjust. It sounds like your husband is just looking at the expense and perhaps how it might affect his time with you, both in terms of how much time you will be available and what your mood and focus will be. If he were the right kind of person, he would be more concerened about your dog, your feelings for your dog, and be willing to share in the care of your dog.

You asked if anyone had similar experiences with significant others. I had an ex-boyfriend who said he wanted to remain friends and called me December 24th, 2005. He asked how I was doing and I told him that I was in the midst of caring for a very ill cat that I had for about 15 years and was trying re-design a better cart for him. I provided a link to a thread I posted on this site and asked if he could read it and see if he had any ideas. He said he was busy and would see if he could get around to reading it in a few days. I know how he is and am certain that if I wanted to do something fun, he would have had plenty of time. I never heard back from him and my cat died two weeks later. The ex-boyfriend is now no longer a friend and will be permanently unwelcome in any part of my life. Once you find out how such people are, associating with them is only a waste of time and a source of aggravation. You are better off dumping them and moving on. I am glad I spent the time with my cats and received great advice and support from those here on this forum. That was when I discovered this site, in search of ideas for a cart to increase his quality of life, not knowing how long it would be.

I should probably add that I am single, always have been, and probably always will be. Home is where my cats are. I used to have two dogs too, but they got old and died years ago, so it is just me and the cats now. I have also had horses, birds, a rabbit, turtles, and fish at various points in my life. You may get responses from people who are or have been married that are more tolerant of your husband attitude and recommend talking and working it out or seeking counseling or whatever.

[Cindidoxiemom]

Wow...I'll just say that NOBODY would put my dogs down. I think your husband is being terribly cruel to you. With the loss of your mom and knowing how much Max means to you, I can't believe that he is suggeting you give up on Max. My gosh...he is making progress for gosh sake! I'm so sorry that he is so inconsiderate, and I am sorry you are going through this. My pups come first...if the man in my life dosen't like that....I show them the door!
Cindi

[Dianne]

"I think my husband is crazy."

Well, nobody here has ever thought that about anyone else...just JOKING.
<Yes, I know who you are.>

You have had a lot of stress in the last month, and the fact that your husband has been traveling more and working out of town is very stressful for him as well. A death in the family, an injury to your dog, the mounting bills, the travelling are all making him nuts, too.

Don't paint the big "X" on the Hernando DeSoto Bridge where he should stand before he jumps. The Frisco Bridge (I-55) is much better for jumping. Park at the Ornamental Metal Museum...- just JOKING!

Have a little patience with him. All of us feel positively crazy at different times in our lives. It sounds like depression to me, and I worked at a mental health hospital for about 10 years.

Tell the vet NOT to follow any instructions from your husband! Then, start taking care of yourself; eat right, sleep better, breathe deeply...start pulling yourself together. When Max comes home, try to act happy. Yes, it is VERY difficult!

Everyone needs you to pull out of this nose dive first!

Dianne

[Weeble's :o~ mom Beth]

Well gotta say I agree with everyone here. I stated in another post that my ex hubby would have NEVER let me have Weeble. Guess why thats why I am without "human" conpanionship now. In fact I have gone so far as when someone comes to my house the first time & makes the comment "You have too many animals" I simple tell em that I AM NOT holding them prisoner & to please leave & not to let the door bang em in the butt on the way out! Now you can see why I'm single, unfortunatly there are very few men(Paul you are NOT in this group!) that would allow a women to put her animals/kids first. They get upset when they are not put first above everyone/everything else. At least thats the way it is here in New Mexico.
I agree with critters, call your vet & tell him if your hubby calls that he is NOT TO PUT MAX DOWN under ANY circumstances!
We're here for ya!

[Jennifer Ruggeri]

My husband wanted to put our dog down after she was hit by a car because surgery was so expensive. I refused, I just couldn't bear to lose her if she had a chance at life. You can do it! My dog is still in the hospital recovering and I am going to pick her up this weekend. I am so glad I stuck to my guns and didn't let anyone talk me into giving up on her. I know it will probably be hard when I get her, and I have made arrangments to bring her to work with me for a few weeks. My advice is do what's in your heart and make the best decision for you and your dog. Husbands can be insensitive and look for an easy solution (My husband even made the suggestion that we should just get a new dog! After hours and hours of tears I think he realized that was not even an option for me). Since I made the decsion to keep my dog alive my husband has been very excited and is even going with me to pick her up! Hang in there.

[Robyn]

I'm sorry your husband is being a butt=head over this. I work in health care, and I've observed patients of both genders and all walks of life, and I'm not surprised by his reaction to your commitment to Max's recovery and health. Men who have been taken care of all their lives easily feel threatened when they feel as though they're going to be "Beta Male". I'm going to guess that you do all of the cooking and house-keeping, and that your husband assumes that because he travels for his work, that it's much more important, and therefore HE is much more important, than anything you do, or you. He is used to being the top priority in your household.

So here comes this DOG, not even a human! who has corraled part of your heart for his own. Competition! Who does this creature think he is?
Your husband has too long taken too much for granted, and now his secure world has been shaken up and he's shaken up as a result. He needs some time to grow up just a little more than he has perhaps felt obligated to in the past. :>
I don't know if dumping your husband is really the answer, or telling him outright that he may not tell you what or what not to do about/for/with your dog. A lot of wives from different male-controlled cultures will simply agree: yes, I will give this two more months and then we shall make a decision. Then, she will do what she planned to do all along, and when the two months has passed, usually the need for the decision-making has passed as well. Or else they've had time to think up reasons why it's not a good time to make the decision that the husband wants to make. A lot can change and happen in two months.

Not many people understand when one has a very special and deep and forever relationship with one's pet. Pity them, educate them, or even ignore them if that's the only thing you can do. Don't give in to them.

[Snowball]

I think we all know how stressful this all is for the both of you. My husband and I are together about what happens to our pets. When my dog had her amputation it was so hard on the both of us. We fought over stupid things because we were so worried about our dog. I am not to sure your husband is just being mean but that he is just worried. I hope that is what it is. I am sure he doesn't really mean to say things like this. Your stressed and so is he. Sit down and talk about it. I'll say this. It isn't easy what you are going through.. Slow down and plan for the day Max comes home. He will need you two. Fighting is the worse thing a dog needs to recover. He needs calm and gentelness. Please be that for him. He will heal so much better around love and peace.
I hope everything turns out wonderfully. Good luck to you.

[Karin]

Whoa. I must say Dianne’s post is one of the best ones I’ve read, so far. Just about everyone else is ready to tell her to dump her husband, without even knowing him or much about her. As Dianne said, calm down, get control of things, and wait for things to settle down before making any rash decisions or labeling a husband, marriage or dog as unsalvageable. I’m sure things aren’t easy on your husband right now either, and we all know how things can be when we’re under stress.

It probably isn’t a bad idea though, to let your vet know that your husband might want to euthanize your dog but you’re against that. To be truthful, I have no idea what the vet would do in this case. I would think you’d both legally be considered Max’s owners, so could he choose the wishes of one over the other? But I do think most vets would be pretty reluctant to put down a dog that had a good chance for recovery and good quality of life ahead.

I think I remember your original post, but I don’t remember the specifics. Can’t remember exactly what Max’s problem is, or more importantly, what is his age and prognosis for a quality life after recovery. If the dog is young and will probably live a few more, good quality years, then I think thoughts of euthanasia are definitely premature. However, if the dog is in his senior years, it might not be totally unreasonable to think that he may have to be helped to the rainbow bridge sooner than later. Only you, the people who live with him can decide that for sure. We like to think our pets will live forever, and I do think there are people who keep their pets around too long. I spent much of last year wrestling with end-of-life issues with my first dog, a Sheltie who turned 17 last May. Overall, her health was very good for almost all of her life. But in her last few years, she was almost totally deaf (which really wasn’t a problem) and she had arthritis that had steadily gotten worse. By early last year, she couldn’t make it down the stairs on her own (for the 2 years before that, I’d had to help her up the steps, but she could get down on her own). Since I live in a split level, there is no way to get outside without going up or down stairs. Almost exactly a year ago, she seemed to be sort of down emotionally, and sort of withering a bit, so I thought maybe it was a sign it was time to send her to the bridge. Not this day<g>. The vet remarked at how young she looked (she never did gray) and how strong her heart and lungs were. So she had a reprieve, and with a change in meds she perked up a bit for the next few months. But there were still days when I looked at her and wondered what kind of life she had. She seemed to be ok with it. She slept most of the day while I was at work, pottied and had dinner when I got home, then slept again until pottying before bedtime. That was about it. The other dogs pretty much ignored her (except when they ran into her while playing), but she still kept her good, contented attitude. Yet I wondered how much she enjoyed this kind of life – a dog who had LIVED to do Flyball, Agility and Obedience just a few years before.

In the end, she had another reprieve when I took her to the vet about the 3rd week of Oct, saying that again, I thought it might be time. It was so hard for her to move about – just a a step or two, then she’d stand there, or just lie down. Once again her heart and lungs were good, and she had a sparkle in her eyes, so we switched meds again, hoping to give her a few more good weeks. Well, watching her over the next couple weeks, I knew that I had to decide. She still seemed pretty vital in many ways – still had some sparkle in her eyes, didn’t seem to be in a lot of pain. But for a once active sheltie, she didn’t have much of a life. I saw the life starting to drain out of her eyes a little bit each day, so in early November I called my vet and said ‘its time’. I made the appointment for the next Monday, which gave me a few more days to love her and coddle (and cuddle<g>) her. This was the first time I’d put a dog to sleep (Mandy, my other sheltie, had died at home about a year earlier). I’d been worrying all year about whether I was letting her go too early, too late or at just the right time...and I worried about that up until the end. But with all the love and respect I had for Kia, I didn’t feel I was honoring her by keeping her alive just because I didn’t want to say goodbye to her. I’m not a big believer in ‘signs’, but I like to think I got one that morning. As our vet was telling me what to expect during the euthanasia, she said that when the heart stops, the dog’s eyes remain open, which can be unsettling to some. But when Kia was released, her head fell gently back into my lap and she closed her eyes, with a calm, peaceful look on her face. I knew at that moment that I’d chosen the right time, and while I miss her terribly, I’m so glad I chose just the right time to give her a loving, dignified send-off.

This is such a hard decision for any of us to make, and my worst fear was that I’d wait too long to let her go. Thankfully, I don’t think I did. But I DO think there are people – caring, loving, well-meaning people – who wait too long to say goodbye. I know I’m paraphrasing someone else (don’t know who) when I say sometimes the best gift you can give your beloved pet is a caring, loving release to the rainbow bridge.

Now again, this probably doesn’t pertain to Max. As I said, I can’t remember his age, but I’m thinking he’s not all that old. But I think we all need to be reminded that there is some point – even in younger dogs, if they have enough health problems – when we just HAVE to break down and make that decision.

Good luck, and take Dianne’s words to heart. You’re all under a lot of stress, so take one day at a time and don’t make any rash decisions right now.

Karin and the gang in MN
Belgians Cassie, Walker & Gracie
and missing Kia & Mandy, at the bridge

[connie]

hello,
my heart goes out to you. my little yorkie mix had surgery for ruptured disk in november, it was suggested to put him down. but i gave him the surgery and now is doing great. he is doing spinal walking, and is getting better every day. i not longer have to express bladder. i work 12 hrs a day and most weekends , but i found time to work with him and it is paying off. he plays ball, runs all over house and yard. the vet is amazed at his progress. no one can tell you what to do, but listen to your heart. miracles can happen, cricket is the proof! if you just need a ear, or shoulder to cry on, i am here for you! you may e mail me anytime. i am someone who believes where's theres life there is hope. what kind and how old is your dog? cricket is all i have, that is one reason i work so hard for his recovery. he is same cricket as ever, just slower and can't jump. ha god bless you and your pet.

[connie]

one more thing. my boyfriend was so upset over cricket's surgery cost. even tho every penny came from me.! he complained so much. one night he came in the house in the dark and cricket bit him on the penis. ha ha ha. he is so afraid of this 10 pound crippled dog now, that he won't be back.ha. i never laughed so hard in my life. so i think that was a sign that cricket is improving and a message to men, DON'T MESS WITH MY RECOVERY""!! HA HA.
TRUE STORY, hope it makes you smile.
and remember , you and your pet are in our prayers. hugssss. p.s. vet said this story made her day!!! ha ha

[Max's Mom]

Yes, this is the most stressed I have ever been in my life. I really am not dealing with losing my mom, and Max (his health anyways) within days.It feels like someone has stomped on my heart.

Max's cart will be ready this week. I will pick him up later in the week, and we will start our new life together.He is a healthy 6y/o dog with rear leg weakness is all. He brings me more joy than any person could right now. He is such a big healthy beautiful dog.

I am geared up and ready to be happy and positive around him when he gets home. I think that was my mistake before. I was really nervous, and even crying over him. I must have freaked him out. No wonder he wanted to go back to the Vet. My husband didn't help matters, with making me anxious. I hate someone telling me that I can't do something. I can do anything !

Not to get too personal here, but... we have only been married 3 yrs. I truely am floored at my husbands lack of for Max, or me. He treated Max like a human before max got injured. Now he gets injured and wham, he is ready to get rid of him. I don't understand how someone who walked a dog, fed a dog, loved a dog, could be so quick to just literally kill him. The dog is 6 yrs young, and healthy .The money has already been paid to the Vet. Surgery has been done.We are now "in for the slide".

Pup is coming home this week to a quiet loving home, for his recovery, no matter how long it takes. If this home is not" quiet" without fighting, then someone will need to find a new dog house to live in. And it won't be me, or Max.

I have notified the Vet in case he calls them,so not to worry.

My sister suggested that I give it 2 months,as my husband has suggested, and if things are not better,I should have my husband euthanized. hahhaha!!!